Comment from robina1978

Excellent

Great photo that complements your poem perfectly. Every man has gold inside him, Jesus found yours. God finds the gold where men can't. One thing: I thought the rhyme might be a bit forced at times.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Ine, for this excellent review, and super comments, blessings, Roy

Comment from RPSaxena

Exceptional

Hello Roy,
Nice piece of poetry beautifully trying to enlighten us!
Impressive wording with lovely rhyming scheme and lively imagery.
The last stanza is especially noteworthy.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks so much RP, for this marvellous review, and great comments, blessings, Roy

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

That would depend upon the poets definition of gold. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very inspiring read.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Charlie, for this excellent review, and super comments, blessings, Roy

Comment from bob cullen

Excellent

I agree with you, we all have gold in us.
I really enjoyed this poem, possibly because I share the same philosophy.
As always your rhyme is superb, your meter is spot on and the message is one we should all accept

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Bob, for this excellent review, and super comments, blessings, Roy

Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

Roy, I like the metaphor you employ here of the gold to be found within a person - you say 'man', but I'm fairly sure you intend to include the fairer sex as well! :O)

The analogy works well in terms of the difficulty in extracting the precious metal, as well as the ability to know just where to dig.

Your rhyming quatrains in iambic tetrameter flow smoothly, making for an easy read.

Steve

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Steve, yes man is all inclusive, and thanks for this excellent review, and super comments, blessings, Roy

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Perfect metaphorical parallel voiced well in these lines:

And yet God sees the gold in man
beneath our flesh He seeks man's span;
He'll wash away that dirt to find
where only His wise eyes aren't blind.


Well voiced too (note one suggestion):

I never knew(,) nor e'er could see,
that gold was buried deep in me.

*either semicolon or period needed here...or dash. Example:

Yes, Jesus washed and cleansed my shame(;)
He found the gold within my frame.


Love the closing line:

all men have gold within them sewn.

Indeed! So true.

Bless you,
rd

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks dear friend, RD, your gold is very visible, my sincere gratitude, thanks for being so constructive blessings, Roy

reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks dear friend, RD, your gold is very visible, my sincere gratitude, thanks for being so constructive blessings, Roy

reply by rama devi on 10-Dec-2016

You're a shining gem, dear Roy! :-)))

reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016

Thank You dear RD

Comment from frierajac

Excellent

I especially like the illustration by Jim Carrey, because it tells what it is you are getting at in your poem about gold within and gold without. You logic escapes me
although I don't think that matters here, as it always is about faith

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks so much for this excellent review, and super comments, blessings, Roy

Comment from Adnab Aydoh

Good

I always love the parallel drawn from the precious metal Gold, and the inner man...

Beautiful references...

Excellent concept...

I love that you captured the essence of the "true" nature of God (as I see it too)

i'm only an amateur poet myself, so my critique is based solely on feelings and not any sort of official degree...

i just sensed that there was something a little lacking (due to you having to rhyme, most probably... I often find it a little limiting myself...)

In any case, since I can't put my finger on how you could improve this poem, it probably means you are a greater writer than I. :)

So all in all, I give it 4 stars, excellent work. :)

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks for the review,

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

The quote by funnyman actor Jim Carrey you've used as the picture pertaining to your poem says a lot about fame and fortune, Roy.
Good choice...

As for the poem itself, it's very well rhymed, as per your usual.

From dirt we were made and to dirt, or earth, we will return.

Good use of an a,a,b,b, rhyme scheme.
Nice usage of Ellison, caesura and enjambement.


My favorite stanza of all was your very last...


That's why Christ's life was gladly sold,
before time's vice could claim its hold;
and yet, indeed, I'm not alone --
all men have gold within them sewn.

Very nicely done, Roy!

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks so much Dean, for this excellent review, and super comments, blessings, Roy

Comment from MissMerri

Excellent

I think this is such an original concept and the poem carries out the gold theme in your signature style with rhyme and meter so deftly done. I enjoyed reading it more than once and found only one spot I thought you could perhaps improve. "He'll wash away that dirt to find/where only His wise eyes aren't blind. " The first half is just fine, but it ends with "find" and the next line explains that he finds where His eyes aren't blind. That's not a very satisfying "find" for the reader. I wondered if you could perhaps use the word "mined" in some way, since that goes with the theme of gold being found. But... other than that one line, this poem is really superb. I am in love with the theme and you've carried it off so well in four of the five verses. Let me know if you think I'm totally off target, or if you decide to change anything. I think this could be a publishable poem for sure. MM

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

Thanks Donna, I must admit, it was the one area I wasn't completely happy, so your fine eye detected, I'll take another look, thanks for the great review and commits, blessings, Roy

reply by MissMerri on 11-Dec-2016

Roy... I like how you fixed that. It is much smoother now and meaningful.

reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016

Thank you for pointing it out Adonna, you know your stuff, bless you