Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Chapter Two part Zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
33 total reviews
Comment from Rasmine
Hello :) This is getting good, and I'm glad I didn't miss the next chapter.
I found some typos. They said you had something that belongs to them and they want it back (comma separating two full sentences)." In 1931, the German economic crisis worsened and the Nazi party became strong enough to over-take the university system (just overtake, and a comma before and).
I really like this sentence: "Yes, he was an Austrian artist who used ornamental gold leaf as a flat two-dimensional perspective reminiscent of Byzantine mosaics." You did you're homework!
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
  |
Hello :) This is getting good, and I'm glad I didn't miss the next chapter.
I found some typos. They said you had something that belongs to them and they want it back (comma separating two full sentences)." In 1931, the German economic crisis worsened and the Nazi party became strong enough to over-take the university system (just overtake, and a comma before and).
I really like this sentence: "Yes, he was an Austrian artist who used ornamental gold leaf as a flat two-dimensional perspective reminiscent of Byzantine mosaics." You did you're homework!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
-
I will check that area. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. Another fine chapter in your new book. I am scratching my head though because I am seeing a character named Shana and the dogs again? Is this correct? ?Didn't you have trhe same figures in your last book? (Probably jusdt me...LOL)
In looking for good imagery, I found these parts:
" Jane's hands were on her hips. "I'll bring her to the patio and have Helen bring out a pitcher of lemonade and some fresh fruit."
And:"Shana inhaled a deep breath and both her hands came to her mouth. "I need to leave." She turned." (If you would employ another fifty percent of these detsils it would do wonders for your writing, my friend.
Suggestions: ""Why isn't Shana with you?" Anderson stood. (I would switch these around and put "anderson stood" first.
Also: "Helen set two glasses on table and poured the lemonade. "Drew, dinner will be ready around 6:30. Will that be sufficient?" (I think "sufficient is the wrong term here, Barbara. It means "enough" and I think you are trying to say "will that be okay?"
Keep at it, Barbara. good job. Bob
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
|
Hi, Barbara. Another fine chapter in your new book. I am scratching my head though because I am seeing a character named Shana and the dogs again? Is this correct? ?Didn't you have trhe same figures in your last book? (Probably jusdt me...LOL)
In looking for good imagery, I found these parts:
" Jane's hands were on her hips. "I'll bring her to the patio and have Helen bring out a pitcher of lemonade and some fresh fruit."
And:"Shana inhaled a deep breath and both her hands came to her mouth. "I need to leave." She turned." (If you would employ another fifty percent of these detsils it would do wonders for your writing, my friend.
Suggestions: ""Why isn't Shana with you?" Anderson stood. (I would switch these around and put "anderson stood" first.
Also: "Helen set two glasses on table and poured the lemonade. "Drew, dinner will be ready around 6:30. Will that be sufficient?" (I think "sufficient is the wrong term here, Barbara. It means "enough" and I think you are trying to say "will that be okay?"
Keep at it, Barbara. good job. Bob
Comment Written 05-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
-
Question on Anderson stood. I used Anderson to begin another another paragraph just two before. Should I start another one the same that close together? Took care other the sufficient. Thank you for the kind review. I feel Shana is a completely different character and is much meeker than Soni. As for the dogs they will bring interest to the story. Thank you, again.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
Good development of the story here in regard to who Shana is, or may be. I want to know more about her friend, Anderson though...
Excellent chapter.
G
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
|
Hi Barbara,
Good development of the story here in regard to who Shana is, or may be. I want to know more about her friend, Anderson though...
Excellent chapter.
G
Comment Written 05-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
-
Anderson will slowly come out. He likes to be private and in charge. Shane, hopefully will change that. Thank you.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Barb
= Boy, Anderson's going to dig in and find out what's going on.
= Will be interesting to find out what/how Anderson has to do with the overall playing out of things.
= Great chapter.
<> You might want to use UPPERCASE on a proper name.
="Great, great grandpa Haim was a professor
=SUGGEST= "Great, Great Grandpa Haim was a professor
<> Merry Christmas & Happy New Year <>
<> Have a wonderful holiday season <>
<> If you don't celebrate--have a great day/night <>
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings <> Jax
<> Published as <> Jacqueline M Franklin
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
|
Hi, Barb
= Boy, Anderson's going to dig in and find out what's going on.
= Will be interesting to find out what/how Anderson has to do with the overall playing out of things.
= Great chapter.
<> You might want to use UPPERCASE on a proper name.
="Great, great grandpa Haim was a professor
=SUGGEST= "Great, Great Grandpa Haim was a professor
<> Merry Christmas & Happy New Year <>
<> Have a wonderful holiday season <>
<> If you don't celebrate--have a great day/night <>
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings <> Jax
<> Published as <> Jacqueline M Franklin
Comment Written 05-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
-
I will check into that. Thank you.
Comment from Sis Cat
Yes, how did the Russians get involved in a Holocaust art theft story. I had a Jewish aunt who survived Auschwitz, so your what if story resonated with me. You not only teach history, but you do so in the context of a budding romance between Andrew and Shana. Your dialogue engaged me and moved your story forward. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
|
Yes, how did the Russians get involved in a Holocaust art theft story. I had a Jewish aunt who survived Auschwitz, so your what if story resonated with me. You not only teach history, but you do so in the context of a budding romance between Andrew and Shana. Your dialogue engaged me and moved your story forward. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
-
I am wondering the same thing. Originally when I started this story, I HAD planned on those 3 men being German, but they told me they were Russian. I tried to ague but they would hear of it. My characters drive my novels. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Very well done. Interesting, WWII was such a dark time in history. What was done to the Jewish people was an abomination. Not just the murder and camps but taking everything they owned, the odd thing is nothing was ever really done with it. Hitler just wanted it. Anyway very interesting, and looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
|
Very well done. Interesting, WWII was such a dark time in history. What was done to the Jewish people was an abomination. Not just the murder and camps but taking everything they owned, the odd thing is nothing was ever really done with it. Hitler just wanted it. Anyway very interesting, and looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
I see I missed a chapter. I'll have to go back and make it up. I like the historical backdrop of your story. The use of actual University names and an event, "Kristallnact," as well as the information on art and artists gives your chapter a sense of verisimilitude. For that, plus the excellent dialogue between the characters, is worthy of a six.
I have no idea where those art pieces are at. [Barbara, I don't think a high school English teacher would end the above sentence with an "at." It should end with the "are".]
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
 |
I see I missed a chapter. I'll have to go back and make it up. I like the historical backdrop of your story. The use of actual University names and an event, "Kristallnact," as well as the information on art and artists gives your chapter a sense of verisimilitude. For that, plus the excellent dialogue between the characters, is worthy of a six.
I have no idea where those art pieces are at. [Barbara, I don't think a high school English teacher would end the above sentence with an "at." It should end with the "are".]
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
-
I have made the correction. I was wondering about that area myself. Thank you for helping me clarify it.
Comment from MelB
I'm enjoying this story. It seems it's not the papers the Russians are after, but the artifacts behind them. The last question is a good lead into the next chapter.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
|
I'm enjoying this story. It seems it's not the papers the Russians are after, but the artifacts behind them. The last question is a good lead into the next chapter.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
What a great chapter that required lots of research planning. Of course, you've really thrown me a curve with having Russians being the character after Shana. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
|
What a great chapter that required lots of research planning. Of course, you've really thrown me a curve with having Russians being the character after Shana. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
-
I have thrown myself for a curve. I wanted them to be German, but they informed me they were Russian. DARN!!! Muse. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
I am enjoying this novel. Shana has a champion in Jane, which is good, because Anderson has some questions about what she has in that satchel and why those three men who've been following her think she has something of theirs. Shana doesn't have anything to conceal from Anderson and she tells him about some artwork that had belonged to her great, great grandfather but were confiscated by the Nazis. This is a great story because art theft certainly occurred during the Hitler regime. It is important that she realizes the three men who showed at Anderson's penthouse weren't really Russians but men hired to spy on her by the people who now have the artwork. A great story! judi
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
|
I am enjoying this novel. Shana has a champion in Jane, which is good, because Anderson has some questions about what she has in that satchel and why those three men who've been following her think she has something of theirs. Shana doesn't have anything to conceal from Anderson and she tells him about some artwork that had belonged to her great, great grandfather but were confiscated by the Nazis. This is a great story because art theft certainly occurred during the Hitler regime. It is important that she realizes the three men who showed at Anderson's penthouse weren't really Russians but men hired to spy on her by the people who now have the artwork. A great story! judi
Comment Written 04-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2016
-
Thank you for the wonderful review.
-
You're welcome. Looking forward to the next. judi
