Christmas Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A New Star"Collection of Christmas Poetry
50 total reviews
Comment from frierajac
This is a charming Christmas sentiment and shows a kind spirit to brave humanity
as it is at Christmas time this year, or any perhaps in the last century. I appreciate
the care for the child that could be anyone's
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
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This is a charming Christmas sentiment and shows a kind spirit to brave humanity
as it is at Christmas time this year, or any perhaps in the last century. I appreciate
the care for the child that could be anyone's
Comment Written 27-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
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Thank you very much, frier. I really appreciate your comments. Darren
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Edited
Comment from Irish Rain
Lovely Christmas poem, celebrating all that we treasure about Christmas, and the Christ Child Himself. Lovely picture too. Out of curiosity...what do all the A's, ??? at the end of your notes mean? Blessings...
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
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Lovely Christmas poem, celebrating all that we treasure about Christmas, and the Christ Child Himself. Lovely picture too. Out of curiosity...what do all the A's, ??? at the end of your notes mean? Blessings...
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
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The A's were a typo that inserted themselves because I am using a problematic word processor. Thanks for noticing,I have edited. Darren
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You didn't have to edit...I was just curious...blessings tonight...
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Type, with my OCD I tend to be a finicky perfectionist!
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Edited
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I understand that!!!!
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You don't understand, I did have to edit because I am mad, anal perfectionist. I did it for me.
Comment from BOO ghost
favorite alliterations list: Trifles, treats, and treasures. heralding
a child born in the hay. and like a rock, been tumbled
whosoever exalts himself
shall come to be quite humbled
yes, it takes time to think of words like this. Wish BOO had more stars, but the wise men only needed one star. Nice spiritual poetry. the world could use more of this in these last dark days with Armageddon in the horizon. Nice! BOO
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
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favorite alliterations list: Trifles, treats, and treasures. heralding
a child born in the hay. and like a rock, been tumbled
whosoever exalts himself
shall come to be quite humbled
yes, it takes time to think of words like this. Wish BOO had more stars, but the wise men only needed one star. Nice spiritual poetry. the world could use more of this in these last dark days with Armageddon in the horizon. Nice! BOO
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much, Boo. You are an astute observer! Cheers, Darren
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Have a super Sunday! gOD BLESS AND PROTECT. No hope for BOO, I'm already a ghost. he -he
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Darren- The Badger!
A very cleverly constructed Christmas story... well the birth of Christmas.
You brought in a magic flow of verse with your construction... a real easy read to conceive and follow... one suggestion, but it's not a biggy, and of course is only an individual interpreting their own thoughts... but here it is anyway...
'A child born in the hay' vs 'the child born in hay'... for me the former stayed in the meter of your verse... but as I say, maybe just me?
No matter Badger, this is a truly wonderful composition and I was wondering why it didn't get posted in the Christmas contest? It would have sat well in that contest... a true and worthy entry... maybe you're just warming up your Christmas skills and have another poem ready to blow the contest out of the water? Smile))))))))))))))!
So well done friend!
With our thoughts we create,
the connection to origin.
James.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Hi Darren- The Badger!
A very cleverly constructed Christmas story... well the birth of Christmas.
You brought in a magic flow of verse with your construction... a real easy read to conceive and follow... one suggestion, but it's not a biggy, and of course is only an individual interpreting their own thoughts... but here it is anyway...
'A child born in the hay' vs 'the child born in hay'... for me the former stayed in the meter of your verse... but as I say, maybe just me?
No matter Badger, this is a truly wonderful composition and I was wondering why it didn't get posted in the Christmas contest? It would have sat well in that contest... a true and worthy entry... maybe you're just warming up your Christmas skills and have another poem ready to blow the contest out of the water? Smile))))))))))))))!
So well done friend!
With our thoughts we create,
the connection to origin.
James.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thanks so much, Jumbo. I really appreciate your comments. I love your suggestion, will do. Peace
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
You did an excellent piece of Christmas now and the original Christmas.
All we have to do is ask and it is ours. So simple and yet so hard for some to understand. Very well done
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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You did an excellent piece of Christmas now and the original Christmas.
All we have to do is ask and it is ours. So simple and yet so hard for some to understand. Very well done
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Barb. Blessings to you and yours~
Comment from MizKat
Hi Badger,
Your poem was wonderfully written and very nice to read. You sure are good at writing poetry. Everything about this poem was great and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing it!
Kat
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Hi Badger,
Your poem was wonderfully written and very nice to read. You sure are good at writing poetry. Everything about this poem was great and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing it!
Kat
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thanks so much for the generous review, I really appreciate your comments. Blessings to you and yours this holiday season. D
Comment from royowen
Well done Darren, a lot of scriptures paraphrased in your fine poem. the abab rhyming sits well and the flow is quite smooth. It could used as a worship song. I remember as a young Christian the home fellowship said, "if all the bibles on earth were burnt, the songs remaining would carry scripture through the ages" well done, nicely written, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Well done Darren, a lot of scriptures paraphrased in your fine poem. the abab rhyming sits well and the flow is quite smooth. It could used as a worship song. I remember as a young Christian the home fellowship said, "if all the bibles on earth were burnt, the songs remaining would carry scripture through the ages" well done, nicely written, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thanks so much for the great review, Roy. I really appreciate your encouraging comments. Blessings to you and yours this holiday season. And thanks for sharing the interesting bit. D
Comment from DR DIP
Badger, that is an excellent write celebrating the festive season written in predominately ABAB and ABCB rhyme scheme.
As you know I review honestly and genuinely and always admire fellow rhyming poets. My suggestions will be always sincere and can be taken onboard only to enhance an already excellent poem.
Mixing rhyme schemes is fine. Some poetic nazis will be on your back, but stuff them!
Here are my suggestions:
Verse 1, ABCB rhyme scheme :Now/past/show/fast
Verse 2,ABAB rhyme scheme Treasures/tree/measure/ see
suggest:
Tinsel, treats, and treasures
adorn the fragrant tree
quite a gen'rous measure, (laid out in generous measures)
such a pretty sight to see
ie. treasures/measures works better for perfect ABAB rhyme
Angelic voices, carolling
songs written for the day
soft falling snow, harolding ( soft falling snow, heralding)
the boychild birthed in hay
I love your poetic licence here: carolling / harolding
this verse change that I've suggested is still up in the air its just carolling and harolding in the Queen's English (in my pronunciation at least) are too different but not necessarily phonetically
Not perfect phonetic rhyme but it matters not in the context of things when you read the whole poem as one
To be called are many,
but chosen are a few
so always offer plenty
in everything you do
this is perfectly fine in ABCB rhyme scheme. Now As I said that is the beauty of this rhyme scheme it works well with ABAB rhyme scheme
It seems that some may
feel differently
when they gather 'round
the merry tree
But for those
who claim the prize
our love grows
as we realize
The two verses above are beautifully written but totally lose the rhyme scheme
my suggestion is to change the last word in that 2nd of the two verses so they read as one:
It seems that some may
feel differently
when they gather 'round
the tree
But for those
who claim the prize
our love grows
so eloquently
(or a word to rhyme with differently) you see what I am saying? It creates the rhythm da da di da di dad di da or to that effect it just works better in the context of the poem.
Now in this verse :
For, if you are mistreated
please try not to grumble ( and have been rather tumbled)
for whoever exalts himself
shall come to be quite humbled
Tumbled/humbled
Hey just a thought for perfect rhyme in past tense throughout.
All the other verse are perfect maybe a little tweak for meter on a couple
Please read your poem out aloud now with those changes ensuring you get the rhythm and beat you want to attain throughout as well.
Badger the above suggestions are just my own thoughts and experience in rhyming verse. I don't profess to have any expertise but I feel after writing some 3600 poems over the last 5 years predominately all in 4 line rhyming verse I feel I have learnt what works
VERY respectfully, and yours in rhyming poetry
dip
Badger I think it reads beautifully now Thankyou for taking my humble advice and suggestions onboard they were only a guide to better rhyming
all the best and a happy Christmas i am sure we will be doing a lot more reviewing of our works before then
respectfully Dip
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
|
Badger, that is an excellent write celebrating the festive season written in predominately ABAB and ABCB rhyme scheme.
As you know I review honestly and genuinely and always admire fellow rhyming poets. My suggestions will be always sincere and can be taken onboard only to enhance an already excellent poem.
Mixing rhyme schemes is fine. Some poetic nazis will be on your back, but stuff them!
Here are my suggestions:
Verse 1, ABCB rhyme scheme :Now/past/show/fast
Verse 2,ABAB rhyme scheme Treasures/tree/measure/ see
suggest:
Tinsel, treats, and treasures
adorn the fragrant tree
quite a gen'rous measure, (laid out in generous measures)
such a pretty sight to see
ie. treasures/measures works better for perfect ABAB rhyme
Angelic voices, carolling
songs written for the day
soft falling snow, harolding ( soft falling snow, heralding)
the boychild birthed in hay
I love your poetic licence here: carolling / harolding
this verse change that I've suggested is still up in the air its just carolling and harolding in the Queen's English (in my pronunciation at least) are too different but not necessarily phonetically
Not perfect phonetic rhyme but it matters not in the context of things when you read the whole poem as one
To be called are many,
but chosen are a few
so always offer plenty
in everything you do
this is perfectly fine in ABCB rhyme scheme. Now As I said that is the beauty of this rhyme scheme it works well with ABAB rhyme scheme
It seems that some may
feel differently
when they gather 'round
the merry tree
But for those
who claim the prize
our love grows
as we realize
The two verses above are beautifully written but totally lose the rhyme scheme
my suggestion is to change the last word in that 2nd of the two verses so they read as one:
It seems that some may
feel differently
when they gather 'round
the tree
But for those
who claim the prize
our love grows
so eloquently
(or a word to rhyme with differently) you see what I am saying? It creates the rhythm da da di da di dad di da or to that effect it just works better in the context of the poem.
Now in this verse :
For, if you are mistreated
please try not to grumble ( and have been rather tumbled)
for whoever exalts himself
shall come to be quite humbled
Tumbled/humbled
Hey just a thought for perfect rhyme in past tense throughout.
All the other verse are perfect maybe a little tweak for meter on a couple
Please read your poem out aloud now with those changes ensuring you get the rhythm and beat you want to attain throughout as well.
Badger the above suggestions are just my own thoughts and experience in rhyming verse. I don't profess to have any expertise but I feel after writing some 3600 poems over the last 5 years predominately all in 4 line rhyming verse I feel I have learnt what works
VERY respectfully, and yours in rhyming poetry
dip
Badger I think it reads beautifully now Thankyou for taking my humble advice and suggestions onboard they were only a guide to better rhyming
all the best and a happy Christmas i am sure we will be doing a lot more reviewing of our works before then
respectfully Dip
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Dear Dr, I love and need your advice, and am quite grateful for your help. Those short lines debugging me, and I am glad you were able to offer relief. One of my problems is that, as I hear the clock ticking, I seem to always be in a hurry. I need to slow down, BREATHE, and enjoy my craft, and the opportunity to share. I am sincerely grateful for your pointers, please never stop with their supply! Cordially, Darren
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Furthermore, I am honored that you would take the time to provide such a specific and complete review. < : - D ~
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My pleasure Badger. As I said, I am by no means an expert but have had a heap of experience writing in rhyme
respectfully dip
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Yes, and I for one am glad that you are here~
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You are a breath of fresh air Badger may poets on here with big egos would get the shits if you critiqued their work and suggested things. You my friend embrace it and for that I am grateful
dip
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My pleasure, old school values. If I am the fresh air, you are the winds of change that moves the air. Darren
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Peace, I am a visionary.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written I like the way you build this poem it reads smoothly down the page I enjoyed well done my friend regards Jill
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Yes this is well written I like the way you build this poem it reads smoothly down the page I enjoyed well done my friend regards Jill
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much, Jill. Blessings to you and yours this holiday season. D
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Christmas poem. It is indeed all about the little boy birthed in a stable to be our savior. Have a wonderful Christmas season.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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A very well-written Christmas poem. It is indeed all about the little boy birthed in a stable to be our savior. Have a wonderful Christmas season.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much, Sandra. Blessings to you and yours, D
