The Tower and the Wall
My contribution to the rest of the political static63 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Wow--what an awesome opening and creative rhyming too:
Forgive this brief intrusion
Let me slip inside that noose
To fight the great confusion
That our media let loose
About the anger they devour
For whose tricks we tend to fall
Pushing you inside a tower
Shoving me against a wall
The intense pacing suits the theme. Well voiced fluid flow. Fine imagery too.
WOW!-THIS GAVE ME GOOSE BUMPS---IT PACKS A HUGE PUNCH ON MULTIPLE LEVELS. ALSO SUPERB SLANT RHYMES AND SUBSTANCE:
From million dollar mansions
And ivy strangled schools
Their message of compassion
Piques at the ears of fools
Who pour blessing on their power
And forgiveness on their fall
They deftly build a tower
While the others build a wall
ADDITIONALLY, IT SOUNDS SUPER READ ALOUD, ESPECIALLY THE CONSONANCE OF F AND M.HOWEVER, I HAVE ONE SUGGESTION: RATHER THAN USE THE VERB BUILD TWO LINES IN A ROW, WHY NOT REPLACE ONE WITH A SYNONYM. EXAMPLE:
They deftly build a tower
While the others craft a wall
*CLEVER PUN on demonize and demon eyes:
They demon eyes the working class
to see what demons see--
Outstanding lines:
Hypocrites who praise the past
Now living on their knees
But that song they sing rings sour
Like some righteous free-for-all
Well voiced too:
In the shadow of that tower
They still clamour for a wall
This is outstanding in voicing too and auditory imagery:
That rhetoric of love and choice--
A rumbling lion's roar
Silences the softer voice
That whispers, "end the war"
I suggest an alternative for dramatic punctuation instead of using a single dash:
That rhetoric of love and choice
(A rumbling lion's roar)
Silences the softer voice
That whispers, "end the war"
But if you prefer the dash, then one should be there after ROAR as well.
This has such fresh rhyme and intensity too...quite a memorable stanza:
The arrogance of Babel--
That progressive loup garou
Which loves to rouse the rabble
And impose a point of view
That would have you duck and cower
To avoid Glenn Beck, et al
From your safe-space leaning tower
Hurling rocks against the wall
That above stanza gave me goose bumps it's so effective and unique.
Love the voicing here too--and the rhymes:
The hubris of Jericho--
Now in the hands of Trump
Let's pray that he knows where to go
To free us from our slump
But we must speak truth to power
As we let the liars fall
Or you'll be locked up in that tower
And I'll be stuck behind this wall
I LOVE THIS SHIFTING THE GEAR TO THE REMEDY:
The answer, friends, is found in love
And love survives in truth
And truth requires a mixture of
Discourse, respect, and proof
And this is all within our power
If we heed that higher call
And maybe then this fragile flower
Will grow strong, and straight, and tall
YES! Resounding applause. This is a powerful and impressive poem. Wish I had a six. Anyway, you have a new fan...
Bravo
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
  |
Wow--what an awesome opening and creative rhyming too:
Forgive this brief intrusion
Let me slip inside that noose
To fight the great confusion
That our media let loose
About the anger they devour
For whose tricks we tend to fall
Pushing you inside a tower
Shoving me against a wall
The intense pacing suits the theme. Well voiced fluid flow. Fine imagery too.
WOW!-THIS GAVE ME GOOSE BUMPS---IT PACKS A HUGE PUNCH ON MULTIPLE LEVELS. ALSO SUPERB SLANT RHYMES AND SUBSTANCE:
From million dollar mansions
And ivy strangled schools
Their message of compassion
Piques at the ears of fools
Who pour blessing on their power
And forgiveness on their fall
They deftly build a tower
While the others build a wall
ADDITIONALLY, IT SOUNDS SUPER READ ALOUD, ESPECIALLY THE CONSONANCE OF F AND M.HOWEVER, I HAVE ONE SUGGESTION: RATHER THAN USE THE VERB BUILD TWO LINES IN A ROW, WHY NOT REPLACE ONE WITH A SYNONYM. EXAMPLE:
They deftly build a tower
While the others craft a wall
*CLEVER PUN on demonize and demon eyes:
They demon eyes the working class
to see what demons see--
Outstanding lines:
Hypocrites who praise the past
Now living on their knees
But that song they sing rings sour
Like some righteous free-for-all
Well voiced too:
In the shadow of that tower
They still clamour for a wall
This is outstanding in voicing too and auditory imagery:
That rhetoric of love and choice--
A rumbling lion's roar
Silences the softer voice
That whispers, "end the war"
I suggest an alternative for dramatic punctuation instead of using a single dash:
That rhetoric of love and choice
(A rumbling lion's roar)
Silences the softer voice
That whispers, "end the war"
But if you prefer the dash, then one should be there after ROAR as well.
This has such fresh rhyme and intensity too...quite a memorable stanza:
The arrogance of Babel--
That progressive loup garou
Which loves to rouse the rabble
And impose a point of view
That would have you duck and cower
To avoid Glenn Beck, et al
From your safe-space leaning tower
Hurling rocks against the wall
That above stanza gave me goose bumps it's so effective and unique.
Love the voicing here too--and the rhymes:
The hubris of Jericho--
Now in the hands of Trump
Let's pray that he knows where to go
To free us from our slump
But we must speak truth to power
As we let the liars fall
Or you'll be locked up in that tower
And I'll be stuck behind this wall
I LOVE THIS SHIFTING THE GEAR TO THE REMEDY:
The answer, friends, is found in love
And love survives in truth
And truth requires a mixture of
Discourse, respect, and proof
And this is all within our power
If we heed that higher call
And maybe then this fragile flower
Will grow strong, and straight, and tall
YES! Resounding applause. This is a powerful and impressive poem. Wish I had a six. Anyway, you have a new fan...
Bravo
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work. Yours is an opinion I value more than most as I have been a fan of your writing on this site for while.
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Thanks for your kind words. Glad to hear it! :-)
Comment from Kai Michael Neumann
This poem is very cleverly written and the voice of the meaning goes without saying.
The 'wall and tower' repeated in different ways and then the 'tall flower' juxtapose so effectively. Initially I thought the delivery of the message too smooth, but in that way the urge for love is represented simply through that smoothness. And we must unite in love, otherwise we babel ourselves to complicity. I like this poem very much. Many wishes, Kai
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
|
This poem is very cleverly written and the voice of the meaning goes without saying.
The 'wall and tower' repeated in different ways and then the 'tall flower' juxtapose so effectively. Initially I thought the delivery of the message too smooth, but in that way the urge for love is represented simply through that smoothness. And we must unite in love, otherwise we babel ourselves to complicity. I like this poem very much. Many wishes, Kai
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Nika2016
The truth is: During the 1960'sand 1970's there was a huge reduction in inflow of immigrants..America prospered and minimum wage was equal to $10 in today's money. During the Eighties companies began offshoring jobs and immigration increased. During 2008, at a tine we could least afford an influx of new workers, America allowed 14 mil. new workers in while 2.5 million jobs went to China. In 2015, we had 42 mil. legal immigrants to US. 12 mil. undocumented..74 mil. foreign born and 25 mil in civil government with 52% non-English speaking. 1.1 mil foreign born on special work permits and millions of permanent non citizens. 2009 30 mil. unemployed in US.
These do not count those overstaying visas. 1.1 million green card workers per year.Absent change, the foreign born worker will constitute 3/4 population in future and this segment growing 4x US population rate. Stats from US Department of Immigration..Forbes and Pew Foundation. Love goes so far...
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
|
The truth is: During the 1960'sand 1970's there was a huge reduction in inflow of immigrants..America prospered and minimum wage was equal to $10 in today's money. During the Eighties companies began offshoring jobs and immigration increased. During 2008, at a tine we could least afford an influx of new workers, America allowed 14 mil. new workers in while 2.5 million jobs went to China. In 2015, we had 42 mil. legal immigrants to US. 12 mil. undocumented..74 mil. foreign born and 25 mil in civil government with 52% non-English speaking. 1.1 mil foreign born on special work permits and millions of permanent non citizens. 2009 30 mil. unemployed in US.
These do not count those overstaying visas. 1.1 million green card workers per year.Absent change, the foreign born worker will constitute 3/4 population in future and this segment growing 4x US population rate. Stats from US Department of Immigration..Forbes and Pew Foundation. Love goes so far...
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work. I think you make a great point!
Comment from Dean Kuch
And a very well written contribution to the rest of the political static it is indeed, Clockwise.
Well-rhymed, a bit lengthy and wordy, but good overall, featuring a nice even meter and cadence. The flow is good throughout this entire epic piece when read aloud.
I had to read it four times to try and grasp the entirety of what it was you were trying to say.
Good writing...
~Dean
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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And a very well written contribution to the rest of the political static it is indeed, Clockwise.
Well-rhymed, a bit lengthy and wordy, but good overall, featuring a nice even meter and cadence. The flow is good throughout this entire epic piece when read aloud.
I had to read it four times to try and grasp the entirety of what it was you were trying to say.
Good writing...
~Dean
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
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Sure, Clockwise.
My pleasure.
Feel free to drop by my own portfolio anytime. My door is always open.
You needn't even knock...
Comment from LIJ Red
Demon eyes or demonize? Another opinion of the stabilizing economy(many more people, slightly less good stuff to go around) and rising tide of being less-than-rich
resulting in anger, envy and greed and a bitter election. Excellent. The more opinions, the more thinking done.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
|
Demon eyes or demonize? Another opinion of the stabilizing economy(many more people, slightly less good stuff to go around) and rising tide of being less-than-rich
resulting in anger, envy and greed and a bitter election. Excellent. The more opinions, the more thinking done.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the world's current political situation. We can only stay on our knees and never stop praying that all will work out well for everyone.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
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A very well-written poem about the world's current political situation. We can only stay on our knees and never stop praying that all will work out well for everyone.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from honeytree
Let us hope for the sake
of the whole world
that peace and harmony
will flow within our world.
Love is the answer within
our world we can not live without it
Let greed go away.
Honey tree
I have no six left.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
|
Let us hope for the sake
of the whole world
that peace and harmony
will flow within our world.
Love is the answer within
our world we can not live without it
Let greed go away.
Honey tree
I have no six left.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from AnnaLinda
Clockwise,
I must say, I'm glad for your "brief intrusion"
in outstanding free verse form which is loaded
with creative metaphors, biblical, political
poetic references.
Your "bottom line" as expressed in your final
stanza is very well conveyed and composed.
You also have some interesting references
to the tower of political power and the
"wall"
I admire you ability to stay relatively
unbiased...or so it seemed to me.
Main focus being...
We better pray like hell,
Linda
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
|
Clockwise,
I must say, I'm glad for your "brief intrusion"
in outstanding free verse form which is loaded
with creative metaphors, biblical, political
poetic references.
Your "bottom line" as expressed in your final
stanza is very well conveyed and composed.
You also have some interesting references
to the tower of political power and the
"wall"
I admire you ability to stay relatively
unbiased...or so it seemed to me.
Main focus being...
We better pray like hell,
Linda
Comment Written 24-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Janet Foor
Ai enjoyed reading your contribution to the rest of the political satire. Your commentary was spot on. The last stanza was brilliant. Sorry I am out of sixes.
Well done
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
|
Ai enjoyed reading your contribution to the rest of the political satire. Your commentary was spot on. The last stanza was brilliant. Sorry I am out of sixes.
Well done
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 24-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
This is an exceptional piece of writing from the verse rhyme to the flow of the whole piece. I admire the way you repeated the words but not the phrases using different meanings for each stanza
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
|
This is an exceptional piece of writing from the verse rhyme to the flow of the whole piece. I admire the way you repeated the words but not the phrases using different meanings for each stanza
Comment Written 24-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
