Prisoner
The importance of freedom9 total reviews
Comment from winnona
A very well written contest entry. I think you have completed the challenge of the contest well. Your story flows from beginning to end and it is creative and imaginative.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2016
  |
A very well written contest entry. I think you have completed the challenge of the contest well. Your story flows from beginning to end and it is creative and imaginative.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2016
-
Thanks for your constant support, Winnona.
Comment from Giggles0630
I like how the surprise ending is introduced. I also like the allegorical reference to the chain of boredom. The one thing that I would have done a bit differently is somehow at least suggest that the canary's cage is not outdoors or next to an open window. To escape into the sky, the canary would either need to have been loose in the house (but then no bars) or inside the house next to an open window without a screen. The latter is more probable, but maybe at least a hint of the double cage (actual cage plus house) would make it perfect.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
|
I like how the surprise ending is introduced. I also like the allegorical reference to the chain of boredom. The one thing that I would have done a bit differently is somehow at least suggest that the canary's cage is not outdoors or next to an open window. To escape into the sky, the canary would either need to have been loose in the house (but then no bars) or inside the house next to an open window without a screen. The latter is more probable, but maybe at least a hint of the double cage (actual cage plus house) would make it perfect.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
Thanks for your review.
-
You are welcome!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a good little piece for the competition. Well written, nice tone and voice to it and a pleasing ending.
Best of luck
GMG
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
|
Hi there,
This is a good little piece for the competition. Well written, nice tone and voice to it and a pleasing ending.
Best of luck
GMG
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
-
Thanks for reading.
Comment from Luna
I love thinking annoy him flying away.
I enjoyed this poem, Maria. There must be Manny prisoners that are thinking the same thing.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
|
I love thinking annoy him flying away.
I enjoyed this poem, Maria. There must be Manny prisoners that are thinking the same thing.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
-
I'm sure you're right.
Thanks for your review.
-
Just one question: how did you know it was me? This is supposed to be a blind entry...
-
I just checked, and the message appears in my inbox said new writing online and gave me your name |
-
Funny! Thanks for answering. I was just curious.
Comment from CEO2020
Excellent writing prompt. A story well told and written. I see the days of many people's lives in those words you so eloquently wrote. For example:
"Fantasies of fleeing fill my mind. What if I could get out? What would I do then? Where would I go? These visions are intoxicating. They're my only reason to live."
Glad I came across this story. I was going through my fan list and found you.
Blessings
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
|
Excellent writing prompt. A story well told and written. I see the days of many people's lives in those words you so eloquently wrote. For example:
"Fantasies of fleeing fill my mind. What if I could get out? What would I do then? Where would I go? These visions are intoxicating. They're my only reason to live."
Glad I came across this story. I was going through my fan list and found you.
Blessings
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
-
I'm glad you've enjoyed it. Thanks for your very kind review.
Comment from RodG
For years my father kept at least one caged canary in the house. He was diligent about cleaning the cages and feeding them and loved to hear them sing. Yet I often wondered how THEY felt. You tell us. A surprising ending that does work.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
|
For years my father kept at least one caged canary in the house. He was diligent about cleaning the cages and feeding them and loved to hear them sing. Yet I often wondered how THEY felt. You tell us. A surprising ending that does work.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
-
Thanks for reading my little story.
Comment from rjuselius
haha. lol. this made me laugh. a very original and unique take on the subject matter in hand dear anonymous! also a very clever climax!
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
|
haha. lol. this made me laugh. a very original and unique take on the subject matter in hand dear anonymous! also a very clever climax!
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
-
Thanks for reading, Rebecca.
Comment from ElegantButler
An amazingly heartfelt story with a wonderful twist at the end. And how very true it must be for a caged bird. How much more so must they long for freedom, knowing that they can fly and must stay in one place.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
|
An amazingly heartfelt story with a wonderful twist at the end. And how very true it must be for a caged bird. How much more so must they long for freedom, knowing that they can fly and must stay in one place.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
-
Thanks for your kind review.
Comment from barleygirl
Very cute & creative with a surprising twist at the end. All the things you started out describing are exactly as one might imagine for a human in a real prison, but then also well crafted for this feathery friends awaiting his/her moment to fly. Everything is well-expressed with true-to-life details.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
|
Very cute & creative with a surprising twist at the end. All the things you started out describing are exactly as one might imagine for a human in a real prison, but then also well crafted for this feathery friends awaiting his/her moment to fly. Everything is well-expressed with true-to-life details.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
-
Thanks for reading my little story.
