Hora Haiku: A Gothic Tale of Terror
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Haibun - Ominous Omen"by Gypsy Blue Rose and Dean Kuch
12 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
Wow, "G"!
You really threw me a curve ball here and I a fastball belter, lol
A given...who'da' think it?
Well...*wink*...you quite obviously.
But darkness swallows our crisp garden... ... I loved this line. Darkness overpowering life (or at least Morela's and Varcolc's lives anyway).
Poor Morela's. She seems to get dragged into all sorts of dire circumstances. What's worse, much or none of it is her doing--she's just a victim of bad breeding.
You haiku related perfectly to the ominous goings on in the haiku before it. Also, your presentation is pure perfection, as always.
Awesome work, Gypsy!
Oh, and before I forget...love the map...
~Dean :)
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Wow, "G"!
You really threw me a curve ball here and I a fastball belter, lol
A given...who'da' think it?
Well...*wink*...you quite obviously.
But darkness swallows our crisp garden... ... I loved this line. Darkness overpowering life (or at least Morela's and Varcolc's lives anyway).
Poor Morela's. She seems to get dragged into all sorts of dire circumstances. What's worse, much or none of it is her doing--she's just a victim of bad breeding.
You haiku related perfectly to the ominous goings on in the haiku before it. Also, your presentation is pure perfection, as always.
Awesome work, Gypsy!
Oh, and before I forget...love the map...
~Dean :)
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Of course you love the map. ... LoL a little bird told me you like maps.
Thank you, Dean, you are very kind. You are the second person to mention that line.It pleases me beyond words. I love that line too. LoL it is not me, it's my little Basho muse who did it. You channel Poe and I channel Basho ... LoL what a pair we are.
Thanks honey, oh! thank you for the beautiful six stars. I don't get too many of those, unlike someone I know.
gypsy
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You're very welcome, Gypsy.
It's certainly six-star worthy to me.
~Dean ;)
Comment from judiverse
The sense of terror really comes through in this. You can sense the narrator's rapid breathing and feeling of urgency. The Haiku works in very effectively Mirela hears the sentinel's caws and knows they're an ominous warning. The whole haibun is spine-tingling, giving a sense of danger to come. Mirela feels at a loss. judi
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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The sense of terror really comes through in this. You can sense the narrator's rapid breathing and feeling of urgency. The Haiku works in very effectively Mirela hears the sentinel's caws and knows they're an ominous warning. The whole haibun is spine-tingling, giving a sense of danger to come. Mirela feels at a loss. judi
Comment Written 18-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Hello, Judi,
You got the meaning of the poem perfectly. Poor Mirela is suffering because she worries for her dear friend , Vorcolac and senses her mother getting closer.
Thank you for following the story and taking the time to read so carefully and deeply.
Gypsy hugs
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You're very welcome. Best of luck with your very first Haiku class. judi
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Thank you, sweetie pie, I appreciate that. :)
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You're very welcome. Great work. judi
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for the sound effects, vivid pictures and the colorful map. Your words are poignant and the effect of the whole ensemble is "ominous". I appreciated the reminder that Varolac was Mirela's best friend. Well done! -Joan
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the sound effects, vivid pictures and the colorful map. Your words are poignant and the effect of the whole ensemble is "ominous". I appreciated the reminder that Varolac was Mirela's best friend. Well done! -Joan
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
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Thank you, sweetie pie, I always enjoy your reviews. You are very helpful and kind.
Take care, soul sister :)
gypsy
Comment from sanejane
This is a great idea. Not only does it add clarity, it also gives us the opportunity to enjoy your excellent phrasing, such as this:
But darkness swallows our crisp garden.
Word-perfect, with the kind of darkly beautiful presentation I'm coming to expect from you.
All the best,
Jane
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
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This is a great idea. Not only does it add clarity, it also gives us the opportunity to enjoy your excellent phrasing, such as this:
But darkness swallows our crisp garden.
Word-perfect, with the kind of darkly beautiful presentation I'm coming to expect from you.
All the best,
Jane
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
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Thank you very much, Jane. You are most kind and I love kindness :) I appreciate your detailed feedback letting me know what works well for you and what you liked best. Take care.
gypsy hugs
Comment from Ulla
Hola Gitana, it's beautiful. I'm so taken with the poem and I got all the sound no problem. I'm so taken with it. Un abrazo y besitos. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Hola Gitana, it's beautiful. I'm so taken with the poem and I got all the sound no problem. I'm so taken with it. Un abrazo y besitos. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you, sweetie pie, i appreciate it
gypsy
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I like the new form as it gives us a look deep into each of the players of the storm.
Her mother is near and she feels it but does not understand why. Yet she seem apprehensive.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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I like the new form as it gives us a look deep into each of the players of the storm.
Her mother is near and she feels it but does not understand why. Yet she seem apprehensive.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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thank you, sweetie pie, everyone agrees with you so far
gypsy hugs
Comment from Lu Saluna
I really like this, the haibun really helped. Your haiku's without a doubt are THE BEST but it would be great if you popped an haibun in once every so often for fill in and clarity. As the reader, sometimes I am going back and forth, and do spend a great deal of time trying to not just understand the haiku but how it fits into the story. You have all that inside your head, the reader doesn't. I don't mind searching around for the answers an haibun inserted here and there would help a lot.
Ominous Omen - This is segment really demonstrates the inner struggle Mirela's with her Divine Mother. She needs her but finds that she is evil.
"My nightmare, Valcorac died in my arms, his blood all over me." May seem like a silly question, but did Mirela dream this? (is what I am thinking and hoping)
Or is she using this as in "Oh my gosh what a nightmare, Valcorac died in my arms!"
You haiku tells us Mirela feels something is amiss and knows there is trouble on the way.
The presentation as always, is amazing and I just love your work, even if I get a little confused at times. As they say, nothing worthwhile is easy and is without effort, Best wishes, Lu
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
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I really like this, the haibun really helped. Your haiku's without a doubt are THE BEST but it would be great if you popped an haibun in once every so often for fill in and clarity. As the reader, sometimes I am going back and forth, and do spend a great deal of time trying to not just understand the haiku but how it fits into the story. You have all that inside your head, the reader doesn't. I don't mind searching around for the answers an haibun inserted here and there would help a lot.
Ominous Omen - This is segment really demonstrates the inner struggle Mirela's with her Divine Mother. She needs her but finds that she is evil.
"My nightmare, Valcorac died in my arms, his blood all over me." May seem like a silly question, but did Mirela dream this? (is what I am thinking and hoping)
Or is she using this as in "Oh my gosh what a nightmare, Valcorac died in my arms!"
You haiku tells us Mirela feels something is amiss and knows there is trouble on the way.
The presentation as always, is amazing and I just love your work, even if I get a little confused at times. As they say, nothing worthwhile is easy and is without effort, Best wishes, Lu
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
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Hello, Lu,
Wow! What an awesome review. You gave me wonderful feedback that I can use. I already made a decision to write haibun from now on. Everyone likes it better. Haibun is an introduction to HAIKU so I am not giving up on it, I am adding prose to clarify the story. I realize that it's hard to keep up with our linked haiku plus the ever growing plot. I will continue to include links for those who want to read them. Dean and I are exploring uncharted territory and it's trial and error at times. We can learn a great deal from our mistakes. They are wonderful opportunities for growth.
Thank you, sweetie pie,
gypsy
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Oh please! No mistakes here, Haikus are cryptic at the best of times, mine are simplistic in comparison. When I show mine to my friend she just goes blank, I have to explain every word. Linking one haiku to the next for a story is challenging but has been fun. But for myself, If I misunderstand one, I know I have missed a lot.
i think this is one of the most creative pieces of writing I have ever seen. You go girl!
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Thank you, Lu, you are very kind and I appreciate the feedback, it really helps me think about what works and what doesn't. Thank you!
gypsy hugs
Comment from sandy montgomery
I think this was a good clarification. The form was haiku like just longer so it allowed us to see more of the story at once. My suggestion would be to place a few of these at regular intervals throughout the book to keep the reader informed. I see it in a summary or introduction type role. Thank you for sharing your work. Good luck with the publishing.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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I think this was a good clarification. The form was haiku like just longer so it allowed us to see more of the story at once. My suggestion would be to place a few of these at regular intervals throughout the book to keep the reader informed. I see it in a summary or introduction type role. Thank you for sharing your work. Good luck with the publishing.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the review and kind words. I appreciate your feedback with the haibun. I agree with you.
Gypsy
Comment from Mustang Patty
Such a moving story within this poem. I could feel the angst!
I haven't read the rest of the chapters (yet), but I could identify with the feelings of the protagonist's sense of loss and anger.
Great job - thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Such a moving story within this poem. I could feel the angst!
I haven't read the rest of the chapters (yet), but I could identify with the feelings of the protagonist's sense of loss and anger.
Great job - thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the review and kind words. I appreciate your feedback with the haibun. I agree about her pain and angst. She is in a tough spot.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from MizKat
Hi Gypsy,
I think that you did an amazing job in writing this part of your story. You are really doing an excellent job and what you write is fun to read. Both you and Dean are doing a wonderful job of writing.
Kat
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Hi Gypsy,
I think that you did an amazing job in writing this part of your story. You are really doing an excellent job and what you write is fun to read. Both you and Dean are doing a wonderful job of writing.
Kat
Comment Written 17-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Thank you
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You're very welcome. Kat
