Luna's Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Mystical Meadow Creatures Dance"a place to gather my poetic forms
54 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Welcome back. Lovely work and it sounds great read aloud. However, I m slightly confused by the meter. Isn't a kyrielle meant to be iambic? This one does not scan with smooth iambs. But since it reads fluidly, I am not educating a star.
the main issues is the lack of iambic integrity in the repeating line:
Mystical meadow creatures dance.
mysTICal is a forced pronunciation, so the iambs are unnatural. However metrical substitution works smoothly enough read aloud (to my ear)
Good voicing, fine phonetics and great rhymes, especially the first rhyme pair and the medley of M and F sounds in the opening stanza.
Nice alliteration of B and P in this stanza:
Where centaurs bold and fairies bright
come play together in the night,
under the smiling moon they prance.
Mystical meadow creatures dance.
the word UNDER has forced scansion.
Love this rhyme pair...not sure of meter here:
By this ritual, when performed,
the landscape's nature is transformed.
I love the tone and tenor of your theme and the presentation is tastefully done too. Beautiful artwork!
Warm Smiles,
rd
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
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Welcome back. Lovely work and it sounds great read aloud. However, I m slightly confused by the meter. Isn't a kyrielle meant to be iambic? This one does not scan with smooth iambs. But since it reads fluidly, I am not educating a star.
the main issues is the lack of iambic integrity in the repeating line:
Mystical meadow creatures dance.
mysTICal is a forced pronunciation, so the iambs are unnatural. However metrical substitution works smoothly enough read aloud (to my ear)
Good voicing, fine phonetics and great rhymes, especially the first rhyme pair and the medley of M and F sounds in the opening stanza.
Nice alliteration of B and P in this stanza:
Where centaurs bold and fairies bright
come play together in the night,
under the smiling moon they prance.
Mystical meadow creatures dance.
the word UNDER has forced scansion.
Love this rhyme pair...not sure of meter here:
By this ritual, when performed,
the landscape's nature is transformed.
I love the tone and tenor of your theme and the presentation is tastefully done too. Beautiful artwork!
Warm Smiles,
rd
Comment Written 24-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
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hi, dear rd,
I appreciate your gracious comments regarding this poem. You're very kind.
I do, however, need clarification on two things? My Webster's shows the word Mystical as having the stress on the first syllable, MYS ti cal. However, UNDER, I agree, has forced scansion. What would you think of:
"BENEATH" the smiling moon they prance?
And how about:
By ritual,when THUS performed,
the landscape's IMAGE is transformed?
Did I tell you how I missed your quick eyes and ears?
I appreciate your continued attention to my portfolio, and thanks again!
luna
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Beneath works great.
I agree that mystical should emphasize the first syllable, which is why it does NOT constitute and IAMB, because an IAB has to stress the SECOND syllable.
Thanks for your kind comments, dear.
Happy to help.
Hugs, rd
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Do you ever teach courses on the site about meter? I'd sign up!
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No, I have my own personal freelance business offsite, where I am paid much more to coach people in poetry adn prose, edit, ghostwrite, proofread, and also write... etc. If you'd like coaching in meter on a one-on-one basis, feel free to contact me: ramadevinina@yahoo.com. We can work out a discount for you, if you need one. (I offer a sliding scale for FS friends who become clients. Some of my clients know this and actually pay more than I ask since I discount for those who need it! Amazing how the universe and Divine Providence works smoothly when one plays life's game that way...seeking to give more than to get!)
Love,
rd
Comment from Ogden
Brava! I'm very glad you added that couplet. Thinking your poem was a standard kyrielle, I thought, "Uh oh!" I'm going to enter the new kyrielle contest, (Stay out, please! ;-) and lamented my prospects. I feel better now, unless you have another "Mystical Meadow Creatures Dance" in reserve.
What a terrific kyrielle sonnet, Jeni! (I've never read another, but I don't see how they could be much better.)
Don (aka Ogden)
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2016
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Brava! I'm very glad you added that couplet. Thinking your poem was a standard kyrielle, I thought, "Uh oh!" I'm going to enter the new kyrielle contest, (Stay out, please! ;-) and lamented my prospects. I feel better now, unless you have another "Mystical Meadow Creatures Dance" in reserve.
What a terrific kyrielle sonnet, Jeni! (I've never read another, but I don't see how they could be much better.)
Don (aka Ogden)
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the fantastic six-star review! I'm honored. Unfortunately, I have entered the new contest, but I'm sure that your work will be fantastic. I'm happy that you really enjoyed my poem and I thank you again for the wonderful review.
Blessed be
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Rats!
"Unfortunately," my foot!
Well, may the best kyrielle win!
Don
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Rats!
"Unfortunately," my foot!
Well, may the best kyrielle win!
Don
Comment from chcbeck
Beautifully written poem and love the style. You are taken to a far away place. It helps people to leave the dark reality. Great read thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Beautifully written poem and love the style. You are taken to a far away place. It helps people to leave the dark reality. Great read thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Thank you so very much for this lovely six - star review.
I appreciate your kind attention to my work of yours soon. Sorry for the late reply, I've been out of town due to a death in the family.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a lovely read Luna, and beautiful artwork you've chosen to go with your words. A touching plea in the final lines,
Come Pan, now blow your magic flute
Mystical meadow creatures dance
Nicely done,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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This is a lovely read Luna, and beautiful artwork you've chosen to go with your words. A touching plea in the final lines,
Come Pan, now blow your magic flute
Mystical meadow creatures dance
Nicely done,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your very kind review.
I appreciate your kind attention to my work of yours soon. Sorry for the late reply, I've been out of town due to a death in the family.
Comment from misscookie
I have no more stars to give
The artwork you choose to go with your poem is a perfect match
your poem was a delight to read, it made think of the warm spring.
Cookie
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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I have no more stars to give
The artwork you choose to go with your poem is a perfect match
your poem was a delight to read, it made think of the warm spring.
Cookie
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond. I'm dealing with another death in the family until next week.
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Dear miss cookie,
Thank you for the lovely words. I appreciate it!
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It was my pleasure, take care.
Cookie
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No need to be sorry it's out of your control
My prayers are with you and the family
I remember I went to Five in a row.
God was with me and He is with you all the way.
Cookie
Comment from DR DIP
I really love this i love the repetition of the theme line The poem itself must be very personal to you and holds a special place in your heart like the others Thanks for your brutal honesty on a subject others would avoid talking about you are a great Mum sorry about your loss
dip
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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I really love this i love the repetition of the theme line The poem itself must be very personal to you and holds a special place in your heart like the others Thanks for your brutal honesty on a subject others would avoid talking about you are a great Mum sorry about your loss
dip
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Dear dip,
Thank you for your condolences and lovely review!
Comment from lyenochka
In reading this aloud, I hear a lively dance-like meter. I don't know much about Pan but I envision him on goat's legs and blowing a pipe. The picture matches the words perfectly.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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In reading this aloud, I hear a lively dance-like meter. I don't know much about Pan but I envision him on goat's legs and blowing a pipe. The picture matches the words perfectly.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Dear lyenochka,
You're entirely correct about Pan!
Thanks so much for the review.
Comment from janalma
Imaginative and lovely poem. I can see this in my mind, in the moonlight. Reminds me of a classical piece by Vivaldi. Can't remember the name. Four Seasons, maybe? Anyway, your poem paints pictures. Lol. Very nice.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Imaginative and lovely poem. I can see this in my mind, in the moonlight. Reminds me of a classical piece by Vivaldi. Can't remember the name. Four Seasons, maybe? Anyway, your poem paints pictures. Lol. Very nice.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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I love your review and your reference to classical music.
I am glad you appreciate my work.
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"Mystical Meadows Creatures Dance", is an exceptionally well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. It was a pleasure to both read and review this talented poet's work.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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"Mystical Meadows Creatures Dance", is an exceptionally well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. It was a pleasure to both read and review this talented poet's work.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Dear duchess,
Many, many thanks for the lovely words and the certainly unexpected six - star review.
I'm honored.
Luna's back, you certainly deserved the six,sparkling star review.
Best wishes, the Duchess
Comment from Patricia Crandall
This poem flows and I can envision this mystical dance of creatures following their leader - come Pan, now blow your magic flute. This is a beautiful dedication to your son. So sorry for your tragic loss. This poem is entertaining and healing to read.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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This poem flows and I can envision this mystical dance of creatures following their leader - come Pan, now blow your magic flute. This is a beautiful dedication to your son. So sorry for your tragic loss. This poem is entertaining and healing to read.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Dear Patricia, thank you for your condolences and lovely review.
All the best, my friend.
