Comment from rama devi

Excellent

This made me smile because it sounds like it is describing my guru's eyes. have you heard of Amma? (www.amritapuri.org). Her eyes are like this.

Sakshi Bhava (attitude of witness) looks inward, always, even when perceiving the outer world...


This has good internal rhyme and word play--seen & scene works well. Fine medley of P sounds in perfect depth, deep and peer.

Fine presentation too. I will fan you, as I like that you have Eastern influence (as do I). But I am less active here and cannot review all posts.
Look forward to visiting on occasion, though!


NAMASTE,
rd

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016

I follow Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi Jai Shri Mataji

reply by rama devi on 10-Dec-2016

Jai Ma! Wonderful. :)

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

The poem came out beautifully. Very surprised that you had never used this form before. The words flowed wonderfully.

Good luck in the contest,
~patty~

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016

Thank you for the nice review!

Comment from RYME4U

Exceptional

I never have either. This is well done using the "E" vowel all the way through. It really makes sense in an odd sort of way.You've done a good job with this contest entry

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2016

Thank you for the more than pleasant review! It took a while to put the words together. It made sense to me but was difficult to lay out.

Comment from winnona

Excellent

A well-written contest entry. It looked like you had fun writing it. your words combined nicely forming the message of the poem for the reader. I really liked your artwork and thought it completed your poem well.

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2016

Thanks. The dream is over as life begins anew. I woke up alive!