The Country Squire Cafe
...a hard decision; the Right decision63 total reviews
Comment from light
A well written account of a man who is fighting a demonic addiction. You have portrayed his inner feelings with great emotion. Hope you do well in the contest.
Elaine
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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A well written account of a man who is fighting a demonic addiction. You have portrayed his inner feelings with great emotion. Hope you do well in the contest.
Elaine
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. Your kind words and well wishes are appreciated.
Comment from Dan Sparks
A few minor edits.
For over three years, he smoked crack. - Don't need the comma.
During that same time, he lost everything. - I think the tense should be "he had"
'Country Squire,' - Don't need the comma.
Good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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A few minor edits.
For over three years, he smoked crack. - Don't need the comma.
During that same time, he lost everything. - I think the tense should be "he had"
'Country Squire,' - Don't need the comma.
Good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I appreciate your feedback and will incorporate the edits.
Comment from TallySally
I like your decision to leave your character without name - makes the story/moral even more universal. I say universal because we all have had some situation where we had to hit rock bottom. Sounds bad, but the redeeming fact is that's when a real turn-around can be achieved. As your concept proves so well.
Your word choice and phrasing was natural. You employed descriptive language that fleshed out the scene, emotions and 'vibe' of the story - without over-doing it. Very natural, telling an important message of the value of enduring love and the power of redemption.
This concept is popular and can be repetitious and easily passed over by readers. BUT I find your approach fresh, truthful, and convincingly wise.
Keep writing. Your good at it.
God bless and my best,
Relda
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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I like your decision to leave your character without name - makes the story/moral even more universal. I say universal because we all have had some situation where we had to hit rock bottom. Sounds bad, but the redeeming fact is that's when a real turn-around can be achieved. As your concept proves so well.
Your word choice and phrasing was natural. You employed descriptive language that fleshed out the scene, emotions and 'vibe' of the story - without over-doing it. Very natural, telling an important message of the value of enduring love and the power of redemption.
This concept is popular and can be repetitious and easily passed over by readers. BUT I find your approach fresh, truthful, and convincingly wise.
Keep writing. Your good at it.
God bless and my best,
Relda
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time in reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement more than you could know.
Comment from Heidi M
A significant event for him at four in the morning. You described the scene and went through his thought processes well.
Suggestion:
This first part of this sentence felt a little awkward: 'Knowing his thinking about Mom wasn't going to get..." Consider 'Thinking about his mom wasn't going to get...so he banished those thoughts...'
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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A significant event for him at four in the morning. You described the scene and went through his thought processes well.
Suggestion:
This first part of this sentence felt a little awkward: 'Knowing his thinking about Mom wasn't going to get..." Consider 'Thinking about his mom wasn't going to get...so he banished those thoughts...'
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time in reading and reviewing. I appreciate your suggestions and will go and edit the story.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt story, a man that went off from the straight road, come to his senses in a diner one morning at 4am and decided to turn his life over, and book himself into a rehabilitation centre.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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A very well-written heartfelt story, a man that went off from the straight road, come to his senses in a diner one morning at 4am and decided to turn his life over, and book himself into a rehabilitation centre.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time in reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and kind words.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was an excellent story for the contest. I am sure there are many who can relate to this one, and it does take courage and more than a little strength to get through I'm sure. Good luck in the contest, it's well written and was a great read. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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That was an excellent story for the contest. I am sure there are many who can relate to this one, and it does take courage and more than a little strength to get through I'm sure. Good luck in the contest, it's well written and was a great read. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time in reading and reviewing. Your kind words and stars mean more than you could know.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Good piece for this competition. Quiet and introspective.
Absently, he picked at the pie he'd ordered, and slowly sipped the strongly brewed coffee.- be careful of overusing adverbs. A few well placed ones can have great impact but use them sparingly. You use three in this one sentence.
In the beginning, he used, to help him relax - I don't think you need the second comma.
Then, he used, to calm the - and here.
Eventually, he used, because it was too easy - and here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Hi there,
Good piece for this competition. Quiet and introspective.
Absently, he picked at the pie he'd ordered, and slowly sipped the strongly brewed coffee.- be careful of overusing adverbs. A few well placed ones can have great impact but use them sparingly. You use three in this one sentence.
In the beginning, he used, to help him relax - I don't think you need the second comma.
Then, he used, to calm the - and here.
Eventually, he used, because it was too easy - and here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I struggled with the commas. I appreciate your input.
Comment from dmt1967
This story was well told but I think it lacked action, for me. Maybe explain how disappointed his mother was would have helped, or more emotion on the subject of his taking drugs. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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This story was well told but I think it lacked action, for me. Maybe explain how disappointed his mother was would have helped, or more emotion on the subject of his taking drugs. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate your perspective.
Comment from William Ross
very good on the diner prompt, coming to the realization that it was time to get help while sitting at the diner early in the morning. good write and good luck, have a great day
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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very good on the diner prompt, coming to the realization that it was time to get help while sitting at the diner early in the morning. good write and good luck, have a great day
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I appreciate your kind words and the stars.
Comment from valmay
I really liked the descriptions in this piece. You might like to look at County Music (Country?) And nawwing (gnawing?). All the best for the competition.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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I really liked the descriptions in this piece. You might like to look at County Music (Country?) And nawwing (gnawing?). All the best for the competition.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I did go back and make your suggested edits. I appreciate you pointing them out.
~patty~
