The Country Squire Cafe
...a hard decision; the Right decision63 total reviews
Comment from Cindy Warren
I'd like to think that his next call will be to his mother, to tell her what he's decided. Never mind that it's 4 AM. She'd be the happiest lady in town. She hasn't given up on him. That's impossible. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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I'd like to think that his next call will be to his mother, to tell her what he's decided. Never mind that it's 4 AM. She'd be the happiest lady in town. She hasn't given up on him. That's impossible. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review.
You're right. I'm sure his mother would love to hear of his decision - no matter what time of day it was!
I appreciate your thoughts and feedback.
Comment from mbroyles2
I've never had to deal with this type of addiction but I've known others who have. I like the way you brought out the gut wrenching over his mother's dissatisfaction. There is always a deep bond between mother and son.
"She wouldn't give up; she couldn't give up on him. Mothers are forever. Weren't they? "
I liked this line, it makes us think of our mothers. The question at the end helps us to understand. Are mothers forever?
It has us rooting for him at the end and hoping he makes it.
Nice job.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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I've never had to deal with this type of addiction but I've known others who have. I like the way you brought out the gut wrenching over his mother's dissatisfaction. There is always a deep bond between mother and son.
"She wouldn't give up; she couldn't give up on him. Mothers are forever. Weren't they? "
I liked this line, it makes us think of our mothers. The question at the end helps us to understand. Are mothers forever?
It has us rooting for him at the end and hoping he makes it.
Nice job.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the time to read and review. Yes, the bond between mother and son is so deep that sometimes it can be a catalyst for change. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
~patty~
Comment from frogbook
Excellent thought for this story at the lonely hour of the morning. Addiction is a sad and frequent problem and it feels good to see someone getting help. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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Excellent thought for this story at the lonely hour of the morning. Addiction is a sad and frequent problem and it feels good to see someone getting help. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate your comments, and yes, addiction is sad and all too frequent.
Comment from dweigt
Good writing. You set the scene well, and give us enough sensory impressions to put us in the diner.
Does this continue? If not, the ending feels weak. Why did he make this choice now? Why tonight? He's been filled with self loathing for a while, so why would he break this particular night? The little I know about addicts tells me they usually need to hit bottom, have something really shake them up, before making a choice like this.
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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Good writing. You set the scene well, and give us enough sensory impressions to put us in the diner.
Does this continue? If not, the ending feels weak. Why did he make this choice now? Why tonight? He's been filled with self loathing for a while, so why would he break this particular night? The little I know about addicts tells me they usually need to hit bottom, have something really shake them up, before making a choice like this.
Keep writing!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. You've posed some good questions, and I think I will work on the answers.
~patty~
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Mystery Writer I always stop in and vote. I like how you moved his emotions and appetites to the phone call decision. He got into a pit of despair and wanted hope. Mom's love was moving him. Well written with character moving to life.
I'm writing a 50,000 word novel challenge through Writer's Digest. There is so much to know and hurdles to jump. I went to a grave site for names."The judgement," is part of my story. TIPS?
Hope you win this challenge. God bless. flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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Mystery Writer I always stop in and vote. I like how you moved his emotions and appetites to the phone call decision. He got into a pit of despair and wanted hope. Mom's love was moving him. Well written with character moving to life.
I'm writing a 50,000 word novel challenge through Writer's Digest. There is so much to know and hurdles to jump. I went to a grave site for names."The judgement," is part of my story. TIPS?
Hope you win this challenge. God bless. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 10-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. The six stars make me feel incredibly proud, and eager to keep writing! I'm glad you were able to feel the main character's emotions.
Good luck with your submission to Writers Digest. I have read your writing before and I've loved it. ,I can only suggest a critical eye when you edit, reading the piece out loud to yourself to find missing words or punctuation, and stay true to your story line.
Thank you, again!
~patty~
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Patty: hope you win! Thank you so much. nancy
Comment from MartinDHall
I like this, it has lucidity and reads well.
There are minor points that occurred (but probably only because I am meant to be looking at it critically:
'"More coffee, please," he asked.' There is no question mark, and as it is not indirect speech it should, perhaps, be there. I think it is the construction, because maybe it isn't a question at all, bur a polite order. Just a thought: the conflict could be avoided by something like: 'He looked over to the waitress. "More coffee, please." Or simply: 'Motioning to the waitress, he said, "More coffee, please."
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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I like this, it has lucidity and reads well.
There are minor points that occurred (but probably only because I am meant to be looking at it critically:
'"More coffee, please," he asked.' There is no question mark, and as it is not indirect speech it should, perhaps, be there. I think it is the construction, because maybe it isn't a question at all, bur a polite order. Just a thought: the conflict could be avoided by something like: 'He looked over to the waitress. "More coffee, please." Or simply: 'Motioning to the waitress, he said, "More coffee, please."
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time in reading and reviewing. Your comments were kind, and I will keep them in mind. I appreciate your thorough and precise critique.
~patty~
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You're welcome, Patty.
Once again, good luck.
Martin
Comment from LIJ Red
The need for sleep tried to push through. Like his appetite, the feeling flitted away. Motioning to the waitress, "More coffee, please," he asked. ==two paragraphs?
Obviously I didn't catch anything here. Excellent story.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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The need for sleep tried to push through. Like his appetite, the feeling flitted away. Motioning to the waitress, "More coffee, please," he asked. ==two paragraphs?
Obviously I didn't catch anything here. Excellent story.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I appreciate your constructive criticism, and will keep your edits in mind as I continue my writing.
~patty~
Comment from Alex Biasin
I enjoyed this.
The style was very easy to read and kept the story moving along, though it seems to me that you ended it a little prematurely with the making of the call. For a short piece I would like to have the resolution, but on the other hand I can now only wonder as to how he made out in rehab, and perhaps that is the effect you were looking for.
In any case it is very well written so well done.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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I enjoyed this.
The style was very easy to read and kept the story moving along, though it seems to me that you ended it a little prematurely with the making of the call. For a short piece I would like to have the resolution, but on the other hand I can now only wonder as to how he made out in rehab, and perhaps that is the effect you were looking for.
In any case it is very well written so well done.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time in reading and reviewing. Yes, I was leaving it 'open,' so the reader could think about all of the implications. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from Craigitar
Well written! The story, though a little low-key, invites the reader to continue to the end. Believable situation with believable dilemma the character is wrestling with. Two place to address: "Thinking about his Mom wasn't going to get him anywhere, (so) he banished those thoughts..."
And, just a suggestion: "He stepped outside into the parking lot (of the diner...)" Maybe drop "of the diner." It's not needed. What other parking lot would he step outside into? Otherwise, this is a worthy contender for this contest. Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Well written! The story, though a little low-key, invites the reader to continue to the end. Believable situation with believable dilemma the character is wrestling with. Two place to address: "Thinking about his Mom wasn't going to get him anywhere, (so) he banished those thoughts..."
And, just a suggestion: "He stepped outside into the parking lot (of the diner...)" Maybe drop "of the diner." It's not needed. What other parking lot would he step outside into? Otherwise, this is a worthy contender for this contest. Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. Your kind words and editing suggestions are appreciated.
Comment from Mabaker
Oh yes, I've done that. Made a decision that changed my life one time and after a very long haul I got clean and turned my life right side out. It was the hardest thing I ever undertook, but I stuck it out for twelve weeks got clean of prescription drugs and commenced to live life rather than rely on a tablet to rule my life. Regards Mabaker
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Oh yes, I've done that. Made a decision that changed my life one time and after a very long haul I got clean and turned my life right side out. It was the hardest thing I ever undertook, but I stuck it out for twelve weeks got clean of prescription drugs and commenced to live life rather than rely on a tablet to rule my life. Regards Mabaker
Comment Written 09-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I also appreciate you sharing your triumphant story. The young man in the story is dear to my heart, and I hope he can be successful.
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With help and love he will make it. It's worth the wait. Sincerely Anne.
