skittering leaves flee (haiku)
Run as fast as you can. Winter's coming.96 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku. The fallen leaves try to survive the coming winter, but they don't seem to have a great chance of success. An excellent choice of artwork.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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A very well-written haiku. The fallen leaves try to survive the coming winter, but they don't seem to have a great chance of success. An excellent choice of artwork.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Yes, Sandra, it took me one minute to write the haiku but one hour to find a picture for it. Autumn leaves frozen in ice is evocative. Thank you for your review of my "very well-written haiku."
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My "very well-written" phrase seems to boomerang on me. If I cannot find anything to critique or correct it must be well-written. Lol.
Comment from trampwatch
to paint a real picture, or evoke imagery in haiku isnt at all easy. depicting autumn as prey, trying to evade its inevitable capture by winter is brilliant.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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to paint a real picture, or evoke imagery in haiku isnt at all easy. depicting autumn as prey, trying to evade its inevitable capture by winter is brilliant.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, trampwatch, for your review of my "brilliant." No, it isn't easy "to paint a real picture, or evoke imagery."
Comment from Sheik S. Peer
A delightful piece of poetry with an exquisite piece of art to match. The verse rolls of the tongue with ease and paints a picture so well, with words. Skittering and scratching at the closed door. Very well done and follows the rules of Haiku. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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A delightful piece of poetry with an exquisite piece of art to match. The verse rolls of the tongue with ease and paints a picture so well, with words. Skittering and scratching at the closed door. Very well done and follows the rules of Haiku. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Sheik S. Peer, for your review of my "delightful piece of poetry" and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Winter, such a welcome relief from the oppressive heat of Summer.
Well written haiku depicts the changing of the seasons in a vivid image.
Should make an interesting entry into this contest.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Winter, such a welcome relief from the oppressive heat of Summer.
Well written haiku depicts the changing of the seasons in a vivid image.
Should make an interesting entry into this contest.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Brett, for your review of my "well written" haiku. Yes, this "should make an interesting entry into this contest."
Comment from partial
Great job. Let me start by saying I loved your images and your excellent word choices. I was pleasantly surprised by your use of personification and the haunting appropriateness of your poem given that Halloween has just passed. Also I read a deeper level of symbolism in that winter is often associated with death and autumn is usually thought of as a period of decline( leaves falling, summer ending). Overall, it was fantastic; I wish you much success in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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Great job. Let me start by saying I loved your images and your excellent word choices. I was pleasantly surprised by your use of personification and the haunting appropriateness of your poem given that Halloween has just passed. Also I read a deeper level of symbolism in that winter is often associated with death and autumn is usually thought of as a period of decline( leaves falling, summer ending). Overall, it was fantastic; I wish you much success in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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Thank you, partial, for your generous, six star review of my "haunting", symbolic poem. I am amazed at how much life and death drama I can squeeze into a haiku. Thank you also for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from William Ross
very good on the haiku autumn leaves scatter as winter is about to move in. Nicely done on the haiku good luck on this and have a great day
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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very good on the haiku autumn leaves scatter as winter is about to move in. Nicely done on the haiku good luck on this and have a great day
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, William, for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from foxangie123
A great job you have done writing this five seven five poem. The originators would be so ever proud to read this perfect piece.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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A great job you have done writing this five seven five poem. The originators would be so ever proud to read this perfect piece.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, foxangie123, for your review of "this perfect piece." I appreciate it.
Comment from misscookie
I love the artwork you choose to go with your poem
it is a perfect match
You captured my attention from the start.
As the sun is slowly melting away the ice is a sign of Autumn will soon arrive
thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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I love the artwork you choose to go with your poem
it is a perfect match
You captured my attention from the start.
As the sun is slowly melting away the ice is a sign of Autumn will soon arrive
thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Cookie, for your generous, six star review. I am glad my haiku "captured my attention from the start."
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You're very welcome, peace God be with you.
Cookie
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi
this is a great entry into the haiku poetry contest. It is just what I see outside my door, a timely haiku, I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Mary
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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Hi
this is a great entry into the haiku poetry contest. It is just what I see outside my door, a timely haiku, I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Mary
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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Yes, Mary, I like writing about things we see daily at this time of year. Thank you for your review of my "timely haiku" and for wishing me the best in the contest.
Comment from Dean Kuch
There is some very subtle double entendre going on in this lovely, well written haiku, Andrea.
First of all, your syllable count is a more traditional 5/7/5 westernized rendering, although proponents of the haiku form state that seventeen syllables, or less, is fine just as long as a balance of a short/long/short format is adhered to:
skit-ter-ing leaves flee= 5 syllables
and scratch at door for en-trance= 7 syllables
win-ter stalks au-tumn= 5 syllables
Lines one and two show a distinct grammatical connection, and your "kigo", or seasonal reference, is quite obviously Autumn with the onset of winter fast approaching.
Your haiku is written as a poetic expression capturing a current moment in time, also a requirement of the haiku form, and your satori, or the line which usually (but not always) contains the "Ah-ha!" moment is where the play on words comes in.
The stalks of the leaves are frozen in ice, unable to move at all, much less go "skittering" or "scratching" on anything...even the door mentioned here.
The satori moment is intended to be an overall observation of a moment in nature frozen in time.
Hence, the double entendre.
Well done, my friend. This is certainly a delightful haiku to have read and reviewed.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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There is some very subtle double entendre going on in this lovely, well written haiku, Andrea.
First of all, your syllable count is a more traditional 5/7/5 westernized rendering, although proponents of the haiku form state that seventeen syllables, or less, is fine just as long as a balance of a short/long/short format is adhered to:
skit-ter-ing leaves flee= 5 syllables
and scratch at door for en-trance= 7 syllables
win-ter stalks au-tumn= 5 syllables
Lines one and two show a distinct grammatical connection, and your "kigo", or seasonal reference, is quite obviously Autumn with the onset of winter fast approaching.
Your haiku is written as a poetic expression capturing a current moment in time, also a requirement of the haiku form, and your satori, or the line which usually (but not always) contains the "Ah-ha!" moment is where the play on words comes in.
The stalks of the leaves are frozen in ice, unable to move at all, much less go "skittering" or "scratching" on anything...even the door mentioned here.
The satori moment is intended to be an overall observation of a moment in nature frozen in time.
Hence, the double entendre.
Well done, my friend. This is certainly a delightful haiku to have read and reviewed.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Dean, for your thorough, generous review and note. I am honored by your review because you are a master at the haiku form and one of the finest if not the finest haiku writer on FanStory. I am glad you appreciated the "double entendre." Thanks again.
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I'm hardly a master of haiku, Andre, but I'm glad you enjoy my humble attempts at writing haiku poetry.
You're more than welcome, my friend.
~Dean :}
