skittering leaves flee (haiku)
Run as fast as you can. Winter's coming.96 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Good job. I miss Autumn, I used to live in Ohio. It was my favorite season. Now I live in Florida.The only difference between Autumn and Summer is we mow our lawns less often.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Good job. I miss Autumn, I used to live in Ohio. It was my favorite season. Now I live in Florida.The only difference between Autumn and Summer is we mow our lawns less often.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Thomas, for your review of my haiku which brought back memories of Autumn in Ohio.
Comment from sanejane
This is first-class haiku, sharp and pronounced. The words are concise, and feel good on the tongue. So much is decribed in those seventeen syllables. I particularly like the use of 'scratching'. For me, the sound of the leaves is the music of autumn. The word 'stalks', although used in a different context, reminds me of the stiff handful of stalks I clutched last night, while picking up leaves with my grandson.
I can't fault this lovely haiku.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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This is first-class haiku, sharp and pronounced. The words are concise, and feel good on the tongue. So much is decribed in those seventeen syllables. I particularly like the use of 'scratching'. For me, the sound of the leaves is the music of autumn. The word 'stalks', although used in a different context, reminds me of the stiff handful of stalks I clutched last night, while picking up leaves with my grandson.
I can't fault this lovely haiku.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Jane, for saying you like the word "scratching." I was going to replace it. I m glad my haiku made you think of "the music of autumn." Thank you for your review of "this lovely haiku."
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It was my pleasure. Many poems are written about Autumn, but few stand out.
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Good morning, Andre. This Haiku is quite lovely with a sense of urgency fluttering among the leaves, almost as if they have a voice.
Skittering could be my favorite word of this week, causing me to wonder where it has been hiding all these years.
The image you chose is effective, but I wonder about leaves against a door frame would work well too.
Lovely work. Happy winter!
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Good morning, Andre. This Haiku is quite lovely with a sense of urgency fluttering among the leaves, almost as if they have a voice.
Skittering could be my favorite word of this week, causing me to wonder where it has been hiding all these years.
The image you chose is effective, but I wonder about leaves against a door frame would work well too.
Lovely work. Happy winter!
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Yes, Mary, that word skittering has haunted me all fall. I wrote several haiku about that word. This is the latest one. I am glad you appreciate my haiku's sense of urgency. Thank you for your review.
Comment from BlueTiger
Great job on this haiku, SC. I don't know if I've given six stars for a poem this short before, but I think this deserves it. The imagery is spot-on, and the alliteration with 'skittering' and 'scratching' is a great device in this piece. The last line gives the whole poem a cold, foreboding feel, which closes it nicely.
Good luck on the contest!
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Great job on this haiku, SC. I don't know if I've given six stars for a poem this short before, but I think this deserves it. The imagery is spot-on, and the alliteration with 'skittering' and 'scratching' is a great device in this piece. The last line gives the whole poem a cold, foreboding feel, which closes it nicely.
Good luck on the contest!
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Oh, Blue Tiger, thank you for your generous, six star review of my "spot on" haiku. Thank you also for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from oliver818
I like your haiku, it's simple yet powerful. Haikus are hard to Write I guess, I haven't really tried. Thanks a lot for sharing and have a great day!
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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I like your haiku, it's simple yet powerful. Haikus are hard to Write I guess, I haven't really tried. Thanks a lot for sharing and have a great day!
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, oliver818, for your review of my "simple yet powerful" haiku. I observe, listen, feel, and hear, which is how I write haiku. Thanks again and have a great day, too!
Comment from Grasshopper2
Hi Andrea,
I repost my review from the original. I still feel the same way about G E R U N D S!.
Your poem is a well-written haiku (I never worry about the syllable counts with you). Lines one and two connect, and your kigo is Autumn. Your haiku captures a current moment in time, and your satori is good. I like the image of the leaves frozen in ice, unable to move at all, much less go skittering as you write. Your satori moment is an overall observation of nature frozen in time and a double entendre. My one issue with this haiku is your use of gerunds. I do not like gerunds in a haiku. You, however, made them work and get my kudos for that. Well done, my friend.
LOL! I like the satori. The haiku has a hint of Hitchcock! I especially like your author notes.
Well done.
Michael
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Hi Andrea,
I repost my review from the original. I still feel the same way about G E R U N D S!.
Your poem is a well-written haiku (I never worry about the syllable counts with you). Lines one and two connect, and your kigo is Autumn. Your haiku captures a current moment in time, and your satori is good. I like the image of the leaves frozen in ice, unable to move at all, much less go skittering as you write. Your satori moment is an overall observation of nature frozen in time and a double entendre. My one issue with this haiku is your use of gerunds. I do not like gerunds in a haiku. You, however, made them work and get my kudos for that. Well done, my friend.
LOL! I like the satori. The haiku has a hint of Hitchcock! I especially like your author notes.
Well done.
Michael
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Michael Mann, for your generous review of my haiku which "captures a current in time." I generally dislike gerunds, too, but the sounds of the leaves skittering and scratching stuck to my ear and imagination. Once again, thanks.
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You certainly are welcome. You earned it.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Great imagery in your Haiku, and a message that transcends time.
Winter creeps in to steal all our beautiful growing colors.
It goes, first, through the transition of Autumn that has its own brilliant colors, but then they disappear and we are left with frigid winter.
Great job,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Great imagery in your Haiku, and a message that transcends time.
Winter creeps in to steal all our beautiful growing colors.
It goes, first, through the transition of Autumn that has its own brilliant colors, but then they disappear and we are left with frigid winter.
Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Yes, Rhonda, when Autumn disappears, "we are left with frigid winter." Thank you for your review of my Haiku whose message transcends time.
Comment from Dawn Munro
I think the thing that appeals to me so much about great haiku is the artistry of it - it takes a true gift to cull the chaff and paint a beautiful picture with that kire, kigo and satori, although many don't recognize it for what it is. The catch with Japanese poetry is that the simplicity IS the beauty, and there are layers within layers - a whole story, in fact. Many are fooled by that first glance.
This is gorgeous, evocative. I seldom award a tiny poem with a six, but this commands that rating - it's wonderful in every respect, IMHO. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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I think the thing that appeals to me so much about great haiku is the artistry of it - it takes a true gift to cull the chaff and paint a beautiful picture with that kire, kigo and satori, although many don't recognize it for what it is. The catch with Japanese poetry is that the simplicity IS the beauty, and there are layers within layers - a whole story, in fact. Many are fooled by that first glance.
This is gorgeous, evocative. I seldom award a tiny poem with a six, but this commands that rating - it's wonderful in every respect, IMHO. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Ideasaregems-Dawn, for your rare, six star review for my "tiny poem." I am a storyteller who tells "a whole story" in seventeen syllables or less. I am glad you appreciated the artistry of my haiku. Yes, with Japanese poetry, "the simplicity IS the beauty." Thanks again.
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It was very much my pleasure - your poem is a "tiny gem".
Comment from Bill O'Bier
Wonderful alliteration and word choices. Thanks for sharing this fine piece. Cheers and the best to you dear friend.
Warm regards,
Bill
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Wonderful alliteration and word choices. Thanks for sharing this fine piece. Cheers and the best to you dear friend.
Warm regards,
Bill
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Bill, for your review and for wishing me cheers and the best. You, too.
Comment from dragonpoet
The wind of winter causes the skittering of leaves. I like the metaphor of the door as the change of seasons. I also like the personification in the last line.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
Joan
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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The wind of winter causes the skittering of leaves. I like the metaphor of the door as the change of seasons. I also like the personification in the last line.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
Joan
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Yes, Joan, I will keep writing. I have a whole file of haiku. I decided to write a new one for this contest rather than recycle an old. Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
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You're welcome, Sis.
Joan
