A Book of Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "Deceit"Assorted poems of love
36 total reviews
Comment from Justin Yhoung
What a sad poem with a blue hue. I hope your bruises heal and make you stronger for the next round. I hope this person, the one who has done this, learns a lesson in love.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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What a sad poem with a blue hue. I hope your bruises heal and make you stronger for the next round. I hope this person, the one who has done this, learns a lesson in love.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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Smiling, Justin, thank you.
Always justafan,
Missy
Comment from seaglass
This is beautiful. The metaphor of a deceitful lover for the heartbreak of addiction is truly accurate. This intruders robs dreams, depletes finances, breaks up families, neglects children and ruins careers. It touches many lifes, like the curse that keeps on giving.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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This is beautiful. The metaphor of a deceitful lover for the heartbreak of addiction is truly accurate. This intruders robs dreams, depletes finances, breaks up families, neglects children and ruins careers. It touches many lifes, like the curse that keeps on giving.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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ALL TRUE...all you have said is absolutely true. Thank you SG, for this lovely review and the sparkle of the 6er.
Always justafan,
Missy
Comment from LIJ Red
Welcome back. Well-done free verse, with valid images and neat turns of speech. One could almost draw a sketch of the guy, then he unglues in the last stanza,
taking personalization to the limit...excellent.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Welcome back. Well-done free verse, with valid images and neat turns of speech. One could almost draw a sketch of the guy, then he unglues in the last stanza,
taking personalization to the limit...excellent.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Thanks, Red. It's great to be back!
Thanks Aldo for the awesome review :)
Always,
Missy
Comment from Neonewman
We missed you my friend! Hope all is well in your world. I myself fell absent for awhile due to double disasters in the name of FLOOD! Well crafted, somewhat eerie piece.
God bless!
Steve
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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We missed you my friend! Hope all is well in your world. I myself fell absent for awhile due to double disasters in the name of FLOOD! Well crafted, somewhat eerie piece.
God bless!
Steve
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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First, I am so happy that you and yours made it through the flooding and are once again writing :)
Now, I wish to thank you for the warm welcome and sweet review of my work.
Always,
Missy
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Thank you Missy and it was my pleasure!
Comment from Heather Knight
Lovely poem. Let me see if you understood correctly. You're not talking about a man but about an addiction.
The only thing I don't fully get is why you switch from his to her in the last line.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Lovely poem. Let me see if you understood correctly. You're not talking about a man but about an addiction.
The only thing I don't fully get is why you switch from his to her in the last line.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Speaking of both. The object of her affections has eyes only for his next high. The poem is her realization of this.
Thank you Maria for your question and lovely review :)
Always,
Missy
Comment from pit viper
Awesome! I loved this. I can't see anything here that I would change. Your turns of phrase are excellent ("Eyes so brown as to make the color die of envy"), and your subject matter is an emotionally charged one. It's certainly true that a woman's love is no competition for addiction, once drugs enter the equation. And I'm sure they've destroyed many a relationship, and that many women can relate to your piece.
Twenty years ago or more, a friend (platonic friend) of mine was struggling with substance abuse issues. He said something that struck me, even at the time, as being a good line for a story. He said "Heroin's my girlfriend now. I like the way she kisses." Even as I was trying to be supportive of his efforts to kick drugs, I was filing away that little gem for use in my writing at some later date. I never did end up using it, though. In fact, I had forgotten it until your poem reminded me just now. Maybe now I WILL write a story about it, though. Your poem has inspired me. Yet another reason why joining this writing community has proven to be a great investment! :) Anyway, bravo on this poem. Great work.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Awesome! I loved this. I can't see anything here that I would change. Your turns of phrase are excellent ("Eyes so brown as to make the color die of envy"), and your subject matter is an emotionally charged one. It's certainly true that a woman's love is no competition for addiction, once drugs enter the equation. And I'm sure they've destroyed many a relationship, and that many women can relate to your piece.
Twenty years ago or more, a friend (platonic friend) of mine was struggling with substance abuse issues. He said something that struck me, even at the time, as being a good line for a story. He said "Heroin's my girlfriend now. I like the way she kisses." Even as I was trying to be supportive of his efforts to kick drugs, I was filing away that little gem for use in my writing at some later date. I never did end up using it, though. In fact, I had forgotten it until your poem reminded me just now. Maybe now I WILL write a story about it, though. Your poem has inspired me. Yet another reason why joining this writing community has proven to be a great investment! :) Anyway, bravo on this poem. Great work.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Your review has me smiling. It is all we can hope for with our art; to make others think.
Thank you so much :)
Always,
Missy
Comment from mfowler
Welcome back to the cyber world of poetry. I hope this finds you well.
You've scribed a good poem here about addiction. I liked how you kept the central theme until the last line. Nothing wrong with drawing the reader in and hitting them between the eye. Of course that was your idea from the beginning. While there's nothing wrong with semi-colon before the name, a more powerful bit of punctuation would be a colon.
his ardor, her name:
ADDICTION
The first few verses really draw the reader into this 'thing' that happened to you. And it's him with the deceitful eyes that's responsible. Liked the way you were lost to his influence. Suggest this line might have more sting: Smitten with a single glance; if you remove 'single'. It is clearly single just by being a glance.
Excellent; following verses indicate loss of control, and as I mentioned earlier, the full impact of addiction is revealed.
There's a comma which is placed awkwardly. If you remove or move it, the line punches more effectively. eg Over and, over I
Allowed ... put the comma after the second 'over', or remove it altogether.
Your poetry has really come along. Great to see you using the lines so cleverly. One word like 'addiction' on the closing space and the impact is immediate. This poem has many fine lines, which I can see have been built to get maximum effect.
Lovely to have you back.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Welcome back to the cyber world of poetry. I hope this finds you well.
You've scribed a good poem here about addiction. I liked how you kept the central theme until the last line. Nothing wrong with drawing the reader in and hitting them between the eye. Of course that was your idea from the beginning. While there's nothing wrong with semi-colon before the name, a more powerful bit of punctuation would be a colon.
his ardor, her name:
ADDICTION
The first few verses really draw the reader into this 'thing' that happened to you. And it's him with the deceitful eyes that's responsible. Liked the way you were lost to his influence. Suggest this line might have more sting: Smitten with a single glance; if you remove 'single'. It is clearly single just by being a glance.
Excellent; following verses indicate loss of control, and as I mentioned earlier, the full impact of addiction is revealed.
There's a comma which is placed awkwardly. If you remove or move it, the line punches more effectively. eg Over and, over I
Allowed ... put the comma after the second 'over', or remove it altogether.
Your poetry has really come along. Great to see you using the lines so cleverly. One word like 'addiction' on the closing space and the impact is immediate. This poem has many fine lines, which I can see have been built to get maximum effect.
Lovely to have you back.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Evening to you, my friend. I have implemented the changes you recommended. I will now ask if you would, please look once more. :)
I have missed you and all the wonderful writers here on site. Happy to be back. I am recovering from Achilles tendon surgery at the moment. It's hard to sit with my foot down for long for the swelling.
Thank you for the splendid review.
Missy
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Good, Missy. Small adjustments, but they add to the smoothness of the read. That heel problem sounds nasty. Glad you're on the way up. Til next time ...
Comment from Pantygynt
If this is autobiographical it is indeed a sad story. Autobiographical or not it is a fine piece of free verse, expressing the emoptions so beautifully.
The single instance of rhyme glance/chance is used to great effect and the imagery is great throughout.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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If this is autobiographical it is indeed a sad story. Autobiographical or not it is a fine piece of free verse, expressing the emoptions so beautifully.
The single instance of rhyme glance/chance is used to great effect and the imagery is great throughout.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Hello dear Gynt. It is in a manner autobiographical, my son has an addiction. I am pleased that you saw fit to give me the rating that you did :)
Always,
Missy
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I am sorry to hear that.
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He is a grown man and makes his decisions but it is his children, my grand-babies that I worry over. :(
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Indeed.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Satan was said to be the most beautiful of God's creatures. It's little wonder that so many fall for the wrong person. I am new to Fanstory but I welcome you back and look forward to reading more of your poems. You have a gift that I hope to learn from.
I write prose but have recently ventured into poetry, i am enjoying it.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Satan was said to be the most beautiful of God's creatures. It's little wonder that so many fall for the wrong person. I am new to Fanstory but I welcome you back and look forward to reading more of your poems. You have a gift that I hope to learn from.
I write prose but have recently ventured into poetry, i am enjoying it.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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I must go after writing this to your page and sample your work :)
Thank you for such a lovely welcome and review.
Always,
Missy
Comment from patsolstad
Oh, my! This is so moving! And surprising! I don't know if it's fiction or non-fiction, but it really held my attention. I love the red-on-black that you've chosen...sort of a depiction of Hell? Excellent work!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Oh, my! This is so moving! And surprising! I don't know if it's fiction or non-fiction, but it really held my attention. I love the red-on-black that you've chosen...sort of a depiction of Hell? Excellent work!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the enthusiastic positive review. :)
Always justafan,
Missy
