Nancy's Choice
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Walking To The Village"The coming of age story of a young woman.
11 total reviews
Comment from Heidi M
What a pleasant story to read. I like the pace and the characters.
One minor suggestion:
Change 'thought' to 'consider' in the last sentence so it reads: 'more so if you consider his shop was far away from the bustle'
I enjoyed this and would definitely read more.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2016
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What a pleasant story to read. I like the pace and the characters.
One minor suggestion:
Change 'thought' to 'consider' in the last sentence so it reads: 'more so if you consider his shop was far away from the bustle'
I enjoyed this and would definitely read more.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2016
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Thanks for reading and for the suggestion. I've already made the change.
Comment from Sis Cat
I enjoyed this "Austen-like writing" as I absorbed the characters of the villagers, Nancy, Mrs Elliot, and Reverend Connelly. I also enjoyed the talk and gossip among the three. Storybook prose and subject harked back to a simpler time and made me think of the American book "Little House on a Prairie." I enjoyed the simple joys of shopping at the milliner's for bonnets and ribbons.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2016
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I enjoyed this "Austen-like writing" as I absorbed the characters of the villagers, Nancy, Mrs Elliot, and Reverend Connelly. I also enjoyed the talk and gossip among the three. Storybook prose and subject harked back to a simpler time and made me think of the American book "Little House on a Prairie." I enjoyed the simple joys of shopping at the milliner's for bonnets and ribbons.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2016
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I love Little House On The Prairie. I used to watch it on television and this past summer I read two of the books.
Thanks for your review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi MJ,
Lovely piece of writing this. this is exactly what drew me to your writing in the first place. You write this style so well.
'I am looking for a pink bonnet for my daughter. Do you have any you could show us?'
'Yes, of course. Just give me a minute.'- should insert a clear line between these two pieces of dialogue.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2016
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Hi MJ,
Lovely piece of writing this. this is exactly what drew me to your writing in the first place. You write this style so well.
'I am looking for a pink bonnet for my daughter. Do you have any you could show us?'
'Yes, of course. Just give me a minute.'- should insert a clear line between these two pieces of dialogue.
All the best
G
Comment Written 29-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2016
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But you didn't like the first chapter at all! That's why I stopped posting this novel... ;)
I'll make the correction.
Thanks for reading.
Have a lovely Sunday.
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It wasn't that I didn't like the first chapter. I said there was nothing to grab the reader in the opening instalment which was true... but in this one there is a dilemma and the beginnings of some kind of conflict.
This echoes the other pieces you wrote echoing the literary figures and using them in your stories. It is this style of writing that is interesting and sadly lacking these days. That is what drew me to your writing , not this particular story.
The other thing I didn't like about the first chapter was spacing which you rectified. I liked the tone and the formal sounding language employed. And much of the passivity that was in the first chapter isn't prevalent here.
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Thanks for answering.
The reason I hadn't forgotten your review is it was one of the first I got when I joined FanStory and I was feeling particularly vulnerable. It would be different now. I've toughened up... sort of.
May I ask you a question? What's your name? I also asked Damommy today because I never know how to address you.
Take care.
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It's Gareth.
Comment from misscookie
I love the artwork you choose for your heartfelt story
You captured my attention from the first line to the last
I found this to be a very interesting and enjoyable read.
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2016
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I love the artwork you choose for your heartfelt story
You captured my attention from the first line to the last
I found this to be a very interesting and enjoyable read.
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
Comment Written 29-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2016
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Thanks once again for reading, Cookie. It's very sweet of you.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Maria Jose, a lovely romantic story set in a typical English country side. The quiet life in the village is wonderfully described. And so is the relationship between mother and daughter. I really like this and I'm intrigued where it's going. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2016
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Hi Maria Jose, a lovely romantic story set in a typical English country side. The quiet life in the village is wonderfully described. And so is the relationship between mother and daughter. I really like this and I'm intrigued where it's going. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 28-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2016
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Thanks so much for reading, Ulla.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Maria
= Yep, it's always the way--go in for one thing and come home with more.
= LOL ... after all, it is universal in all countries. Fun write.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings ... Jax
<> Published as ... Jacqueline M Franklin
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2016
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Hi, Maria
= Yep, it's always the way--go in for one thing and come home with more.
= LOL ... after all, it is universal in all countries. Fun write.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings ... Jax
<> Published as ... Jacqueline M Franklin
Comment Written 28-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2016
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I'm glad you enjoyed it, Jax. I've finished the whole novel but I'm revising and posting it now.Thanks for reading.
Comment from MelB
Hi M J, this story has good imagery and descriptions. It flows well from beginning to end. I could relate to the part where she didn't feel validated by her husband. I truly enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2016
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Hi M J, this story has good imagery and descriptions. It flows well from beginning to end. I could relate to the part where she didn't feel validated by her husband. I truly enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2016
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I'm glad you enjoyed it, Melissa. Thanks for reading.Take care.
Comment from winnona
A nicely written short story. The story flows well from beginning to end. Your well chosen words bring the story to life with the details and description. Your characters are very realistic .
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2016
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A nicely written short story. The story flows well from beginning to end. Your well chosen words bring the story to life with the details and description. Your characters are very realistic .
Comment Written 27-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2016
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Thanks, Winnona. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from aryr
An interesting tale of English delight. You provided great details and very nice descriptions. Nancy was portrayed as a bundle of bubbling energy and it was fortunate that Jane her mother enjoyed her company. It was enjoyable and comfortable reading, thank you.
PS if you go to the home page I do believe there is a way to contact the organizers of FanStory who could probably help you put this where you intended. I know one of them is named Tom.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2016
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An interesting tale of English delight. You provided great details and very nice descriptions. Nancy was portrayed as a bundle of bubbling energy and it was fortunate that Jane her mother enjoyed her company. It was enjoyable and comfortable reading, thank you.
PS if you go to the home page I do believe there is a way to contact the organizers of FanStory who could probably help you put this where you intended. I know one of them is named Tom.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2016
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Thanks, Aryr. I wrote to Tom and he told me how to solve it, so it's fixed now.
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Yeaaaaa I am so glad for you.
Comment from royowen
Nicely written Maria, one would never know you were Spanish, your English is flawless, but I couldn't tell if someone's Spanish was likewise. This is so well written, no spags or stumbles. And you're right, it is very Austen, but, as a man I don't normally lean toward it. But I do appreciate scribal artistry, so we'll done, blessings, Roy
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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2016
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Nicely written Maria, one would never know you were Spanish, your English is flawless, but I couldn't tell if someone's Spanish was likewise. This is so well written, no spags or stumbles. And you're right, it is very Austen, but, as a man I don't normally lean toward it. But I do appreciate scribal artistry, so we'll done, blessings, Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2016
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You're always so kind, Roy. Thanks for your review.
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Most welcome Maria
