Comment from MelB

Exceptional

This tells a beautiful story, Sandra. I like how she is telling the story to his grandchildren in the end and of how he rescued her in the attack.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Thank you, Melissa, for the lovely 6 stars, and really wonderful comments! That is so nice of you. I'm so pleased you like my take on the picture, I do really enjoy these challenges! :) Sandra xxxx

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written poem/story and a great interpretation of the artwork. Those days were not safe for anyone riding by train. Today it is safer to travel by train than by car.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Yes, it is safer, can you imagine a load of Indians on horseback keeping pace with todays trains! LOL, Super horse! Thank you, Sandra, for your nice review, I appreciate it. Sandra x

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Good job, dear S. This flows superbly well (note one off scansion line otherwise flawless meter) and with fine rhymes and an excellent storytelling narrative flow, tone, pacing and style. Great POV and characterization. Great tone and theme. Just a few suggestions (based on prose punctuation since this is a prose-like poem):

NOTES


*
It was a fearsome venture for a lady on her own,(no ,)
to travel through uncharted lands so very far from home.


*
and though I'd tried to still my heart(,) my efforts were in vain.

*
and(,) looking out the window(,) I did not know what to do.


*
but I'd been so determined(,) I had only me to blame.

*
The women(,) they would take away but shoot them if they ran--
while I'd sat very quietly and tried to hide from view,(--)
just hoping they'd not see me there, was all that I could do.

And then I'd heard the cavalry come charging from the rear,(;)
the Indians would not give up, they made that very clear.


*

I'd called your name out loudly(,) and you came and held me tight.


*SCANSION FORCED ON THE WORD GRANDCHILDREN:

describing to our grandchildren how you had rescued me.

LOVELY CLOSING NOTE:

My hero, you're my only love, as God meant you to be.


The rhythm has a great groove. Fine phonetics too. Bravo.

Good luck in the contest.

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Thank you so much, my friend, for another wonderful review. I have made all the corrections now, but will have to spend a bit of time on the 'grandchildren' to see how I can change it. This isn't a contest, it's a friendly group challenge to see what the picture says to you, and write a poem about it. It's amazing how many different thoughts can come from one picture. Thanks again, my friend, you're always so kind. :) Sandra xxx

reply by rama devi on 25-Oct-2016

oops! I keep making an assumption those group challenges are contest...sorry about that! Glad you found the review helpful, dear. Hugs, rd

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Excellent story in a poem for this challenge.
-Very good imagery, meter, and rhyme, too.
-You even set the scene with a date and general circumstances in stanza one.
-There is excellent progression, as she is fearful, and her parents were, too,
because they didn't want her to go.
-Then, Indians boarded the train, and killing took place.
-A battle took place as the cavalry had come.
-Finally, she saw him, called out his name, and he held her tight.
-The ending is good, as she tells the story to their grandchildren of his bravery and their love.
-Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Thank you so much, my dear friend, for this lovely review. I do love poetry, and must make more time to write it. I don't follow any style, just my own and have no idea about the rules of poetry, so will never get anywhere with it. Most of my poetry tells a story, I'm so pleased you liked this one. This is from a group picture in the Picture This challenge, we have it once every two weeks where one of us chooses the picture and then we all write our own take on it. I think you would enjoy doing it. You can write in any style you want. (which suits me perfectly!) Thanks again, my lovely friend. Big hugs! :) Sandra xxxx

reply by Pam (respa) on 25-Oct-2016

You are very welcome, Sandra, for the review. I think your style is just fine, and I enjoy the stories you tell. This one seemed very real. I know about the challenge, but I have enough with the bit I do on FS, as it takes me a while to work on something.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Sandra,

I enjoyed your picture challenge poem. You did an awesome job with your story poem. The lines flow smoothly with a great eye for detail that puts readers right there on the train. Love the rhyme. The ending is perfect.

Thanks for sharing a wonderful poem. Jan

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Aww, thank you so much, Jan. This poem came to me as soon as I saw the picture, I am a bit of a western fan and read loads of romantic cowboy books. I'm really pleased you like this one. Thanks my friend. :) Sandra xx

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Sandra

= Such a terrific story--a true adventure of the old west.
= You captured the essence of the artwork, all the while encapsulating history.
= In the end, she gets her man. I could swoon. (*<*)
= Great job with this one, my friend.

<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings ... Jax
<> Published as ... Jacqueline M Franklin

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Thank you so much, Jackie, I loved this picture. It screamed out for a story. I'm so pleased you liked it. Thanks, my friend. L:) Sandra xx

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

When I saw the picture, I had to read your post, since my son is a rail buff! I enjoyed the story you created and your rhymed couplets in these rhythmic quatrains. Your dramatic description and heartwarming conclusion were very effective. Cheers- Joan

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Thank you so much, Joan. I loved the picture too, it really begged for a story. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. :) Sandra xx

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

This is a really good story poem, Sandra :) You paint a vivid picture with your words. Nice meter with long lines and nice aabb rhymes. I like how you sneaked a romance in there. This is a great take on the picture.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

You have to have a romance in a good western, Joy, John Wayne was always rescuing pretty ladies! LOL, thanks so much for the lovely review, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from jlsavell

Excellent

Sandra, you should have entered this in Story in a Poem. Beautiful. I joined this group but have not participated as yet, Beautiful poetry, You do have the gift of writing, Incredible my friend.. jimi

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Thank you, Jimi, you always say such nice things about my writing, I really do appreciate those comments, especially coming from you being such a talented poet! Thanks my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from ronnie k

Excellent

I have read a number but this by far is the MOST MYSTIC, I so enjoyed the ride with you my friend, in fact on the second read I pictured this as true event, surreal my dear friend. for this giving poem I must give all I have, thank you for shaig.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016

Thank you so much, Ronnie, that is such a lovely review. I really appreciate it! Big hugs, my friend. xxx Sandra