Text me, don't ring
Don't pick up the phone7 total reviews
Comment from Rasmine
Many times I have been in the middle of planning something and finding it all really exciting, then the phone rings, it could be somebody like Mable who never shuts up, she just goes on and on, and I am not very good at cutting her off (this maybe should be two or more sentences). Then when I get back to my work something is lost, and so is my focus (confusing, maybe you can link what is lost and not use the comma).Thankfully my family never ring(s) me during the day, they wait until I am finished my day (maybe until on is unnecessary). Sometimes (comma after the intro to sentence) I feel my work is never finished because my mind never takes a break.The second decision I have made is that a text is ok, it is immediate there could be times of emergency, so this will allow me to know if it's important for me to contact the person (maybe two sentences or a semi-colon).
These are just suggestions, but I hope it helps you. :)
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Many times I have been in the middle of planning something and finding it all really exciting, then the phone rings, it could be somebody like Mable who never shuts up, she just goes on and on, and I am not very good at cutting her off (this maybe should be two or more sentences). Then when I get back to my work something is lost, and so is my focus (confusing, maybe you can link what is lost and not use the comma).Thankfully my family never ring(s) me during the day, they wait until I am finished my day (maybe until on is unnecessary). Sometimes (comma after the intro to sentence) I feel my work is never finished because my mind never takes a break.The second decision I have made is that a text is ok, it is immediate there could be times of emergency, so this will allow me to know if it's important for me to contact the person (maybe two sentences or a semi-colon).
These are just suggestions, but I hope it helps you. :)
Comment Written 24-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Thank you so much for your helpful review, I appreciate the time you have taken suggesting the changes.
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Good luck!! Now I have to correct mine. :)
Comment from winnona
a well-written contest entry. I think you completed the challenge of the contest very well. Your story flowed from the beginning to the end telling your story well. Good luck.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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a well-written contest entry. I think you completed the challenge of the contest very well. Your story flowed from the beginning to the end telling your story well. Good luck.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Thank you for your encouraging review.
Comment from giraffmang
The first paragraph is a little muddled. it is tricky ascertaining who is speaking. Also there are some speech marks missing as well.
It is a good idea to separate individual dialogue out onto separate lines.
is it because you are in the menopause now that the phone is bothering you." - needs a question mark.
phone is bothering you."
"No John it is definitely not - need a clear line between these two paragraphs.
stopping my creative mind being on a role - roll.
There appeared to be a section in the middle that wasn't part of the conversation as no speech marks were employed which made the piece a little confusing and disjointed.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016
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The first paragraph is a little muddled. it is tricky ascertaining who is speaking. Also there are some speech marks missing as well.
It is a good idea to separate individual dialogue out onto separate lines.
is it because you are in the menopause now that the phone is bothering you." - needs a question mark.
phone is bothering you."
"No John it is definitely not - need a clear line between these two paragraphs.
stopping my creative mind being on a role - roll.
There appeared to be a section in the middle that wasn't part of the conversation as no speech marks were employed which made the piece a little confusing and disjointed.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 23-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016
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Thanks for your review I appreciate it.
Comment from kleck140
A very true meaning of today's world. I find those phone and texting while visiting to be an annoyance.
The sign at my entrance door states"electronics stay in the vehicles " as while visiting here, we don't answer phones or texting. You have written a very factual post.
never (ring) me(should be 'rings')
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016
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A very true meaning of today's world. I find those phone and texting while visiting to be an annoyance.
The sign at my entrance door states"electronics stay in the vehicles " as while visiting here, we don't answer phones or texting. You have written a very factual post.
never (ring) me(should be 'rings')
Comment Written 23-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016
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Thanks for your review and pointing out the typo.
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Thanks a bunch
Comment from papa55mike
I also love writing about the crazy uses of technology. Smartphones are my favorite things to make fun of. Your story is well done but see the format example on your writing page, it will help you with paragraph breaks and setting up the dialog. There's a quotation mark needed in the first paragraph. I love the style of your story. Best of luck in the contest. Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016
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I also love writing about the crazy uses of technology. Smartphones are my favorite things to make fun of. Your story is well done but see the format example on your writing page, it will help you with paragraph breaks and setting up the dialog. There's a quotation mark needed in the first paragraph. I love the style of your story. Best of luck in the contest. Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 23-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016
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Thanks for the excellent review
Comment from jlsavell
well author, for some strange reason, I happen to concur with the subject here. Phones, especially cell phones have become much of a distraction and a way of life. Social graces and safety have been sorely compromised. well done... jlsavell
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016
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well author, for some strange reason, I happen to concur with the subject here. Phones, especially cell phones have become much of a distraction and a way of life. Social graces and safety have been sorely compromised. well done... jlsavell
Comment Written 23-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016
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Thanks for your excellent review.
Comment from Poetic Friend
So true, so true. Modern technology can be blessing and curse. I think many people will find this story very relatable. I know I can definitely relate. Lately, I prefer an text over a telephone call. Although emails and text messages have lead to many problems in today's society, I prefer the written communication.
If there are any errors in your story, they were not distracting. I was too engaged in your story to notice.
Thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016
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So true, so true. Modern technology can be blessing and curse. I think many people will find this story very relatable. I know I can definitely relate. Lately, I prefer an text over a telephone call. Although emails and text messages have lead to many problems in today's society, I prefer the written communication.
If there are any errors in your story, they were not distracting. I was too engaged in your story to notice.
Thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016
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It is a lovely review and so appreciated because you said you were engaged in the story.
