Ode to the Wind
I find the facets of the wind intriguing.20 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
Irregular it may be but it still has a lovely rhythm, not unlike that of rap. The alliterative refrain on the W is both appropriate and delightful. The poem covers just about everything short of a full gale. Should you have included that, or is that the stanza you are going to invite the children to write? I take it from your notes that you are a teacher.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2016
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Irregular it may be but it still has a lovely rhythm, not unlike that of rap. The alliterative refrain on the W is both appropriate and delightful. The poem covers just about everything short of a full gale. Should you have included that, or is that the stanza you are going to invite the children to write? I take it from your notes that you are a teacher.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2016
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I respect your opinion very highly so thank you for the positive comments about this poem. I left the stormy weather out on purpose, it changes the tone and isn't helpful for children afraid of storms. I am a retired teacher.
Comment from rama devi
Love the whimsical personification, the fine metered flow and goof rhyming. I found the lack of commas relating to time made it slightly harder to read, so U suggest including them, though it is optional. Since the voicing is very prose-like storytelling style, it would be suitable to use normal prose rules. (IMHO)
NOTES
*The seasons change(,) and so does he,
*On sunny days when the field is bright(,)
he runs through the grass but stays out of sight.
Fine alliteration of W here plus consonance of R, L and N:
While listening to a chorus of birds
he hums along to their whistled words,
that wild, wonderful wind.
*
On autumn mornings(,) he starts his breeze
and makes the trees shake their leaves.
They shake so hard the leaves fall to the ground
Great bouncy internal rhymes. My only suggestion other than the optional in line comma is not to repeat the word SHAKE two lines in a row but to rather replace one with a synonym. I recommend replacing the second one.
On winter days(,) his mood can change fast,(;)
he shouts and roars with an icy blast.
When snow blankets the ground(,) he makes no sound,(;)
in that sleepy hush, he just hangs around,
Love the S sounds here:
On soft spring nights at my window sill(,)
he slips inside and keeps very still.
SWEET:
He says goodnight in a gentle voice
then tiptoes away without any noise,
that wild, wonderful wind.
I've never seen him but I know he's there,(;)
he's always around, he's everywhere.
Perfect closing note:
No matter his mood, no matter his whim,
it's certainly true, we can't do without him,
that wild, wonderful wind.
Could lean to a six if fine tuned...
Good luck
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2016
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Love the whimsical personification, the fine metered flow and goof rhyming. I found the lack of commas relating to time made it slightly harder to read, so U suggest including them, though it is optional. Since the voicing is very prose-like storytelling style, it would be suitable to use normal prose rules. (IMHO)
NOTES
*The seasons change(,) and so does he,
*On sunny days when the field is bright(,)
he runs through the grass but stays out of sight.
Fine alliteration of W here plus consonance of R, L and N:
While listening to a chorus of birds
he hums along to their whistled words,
that wild, wonderful wind.
*
On autumn mornings(,) he starts his breeze
and makes the trees shake their leaves.
They shake so hard the leaves fall to the ground
Great bouncy internal rhymes. My only suggestion other than the optional in line comma is not to repeat the word SHAKE two lines in a row but to rather replace one with a synonym. I recommend replacing the second one.
On winter days(,) his mood can change fast,(;)
he shouts and roars with an icy blast.
When snow blankets the ground(,) he makes no sound,(;)
in that sleepy hush, he just hangs around,
Love the S sounds here:
On soft spring nights at my window sill(,)
he slips inside and keeps very still.
SWEET:
He says goodnight in a gentle voice
then tiptoes away without any noise,
that wild, wonderful wind.
I've never seen him but I know he's there,(;)
he's always around, he's everywhere.
Perfect closing note:
No matter his mood, no matter his whim,
it's certainly true, we can't do without him,
that wild, wonderful wind.
Could lean to a six if fine tuned...
Good luck
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 20-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2016
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wow, thank you for all the detail
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:-))) Welcome
Comment from honeytree
Very true these words are
No we can't not have wind
that nature gives us it is
part of what God gives to us all
Wind can be interesting to see and hear
Wind is part of earth.
Honey tree
I have no six left
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Very true these words are
No we can't not have wind
that nature gives us it is
part of what God gives to us all
Wind can be interesting to see and hear
Wind is part of earth.
Honey tree
I have no six left
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Thank you for your very complimentary review.
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that's fine
honeytree
Comment from winnona
A well-written contest entry. I think you did well completing the challenge of the contest. your well-chosen words flowed easily together combining and forming their own unique rhythm. then combining and forming the message of the poem to the reader.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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A well-written contest entry. I think you did well completing the challenge of the contest. your well-chosen words flowed easily together combining and forming their own unique rhythm. then combining and forming the message of the poem to the reader.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Thank you for your very positive words.
Comment from pharp
Excellent job in the penning of this beautiful poem. I love your repeating lines, it reads like a beautiful song. Excellent rhyming and meter and the flow was very smooth which made for a most enjoyable and easy read. Outstanding job my friend and thank so much for sharing. The very best to you in the contest. Blessings................Portia
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Excellent job in the penning of this beautiful poem. I love your repeating lines, it reads like a beautiful song. Excellent rhyming and meter and the flow was very smooth which made for a most enjoyable and easy read. Outstanding job my friend and thank so much for sharing. The very best to you in the contest. Blessings................Portia
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Thank you for your very positive words.
Comment from Judy Couch
It's very good. It rhymes well. I like the idea of speaking of the wind as if it were a living being. Sometimes it seems to be alive. I like the use of the same line at the end of each stanza.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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It's very good. It rhymes well. I like the idea of speaking of the wind as if it were a living being. Sometimes it seems to be alive. I like the use of the same line at the end of each stanza.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Thank you for your thorough review and good comments.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Ode poem to the wind. The wind brings change to the seasons, the only way we can see the wind blowing is when we look at the trees and the leaves when they swaying in the wind.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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A very well-written Ode poem to the wind. The wind brings change to the seasons, the only way we can see the wind blowing is when we look at the trees and the leaves when they swaying in the wind.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Thank you for your good words.
Comment from William Ross
I like the poem great rhyming, rhythm, and all but don't think repeating that last line on each couplet is needed and throws the flow and meter off. good luck and have a nice day
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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I like the poem great rhyming, rhythm, and all but don't think repeating that last line on each couplet is needed and throws the flow and meter off. good luck and have a nice day
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Thank you
Comment from WalkerMan
Regular ode or not, I truly like this poem for children and think it serves its purpose well. They can see here how a story can be told in a poem; how to use seasonal differences to express phases in our lives; and how mentioning colors, sounds, and sights can convey feelings. Superb, even without illustration.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Regular ode or not, I truly like this poem for children and think it serves its purpose well. They can see here how a story can be told in a poem; how to use seasonal differences to express phases in our lives; and how mentioning colors, sounds, and sights can convey feelings. Superb, even without illustration.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Thank you for your detailed look at this poem for seeing it in layers and depth even though it was written for children. I appreciate the understanding and the extra star.
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You are most welcome. It is a lovely poem -- even for adults. -- Mike
Comment from Jackarrie
I like this entry into an ode contest about the wind I too find the wind fascinating and intriguing. But my Mum used to say beware of the east wind. Apart from that I love to walk with the breezed on my face. I hope you do well in the contest.
Mary
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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I like this entry into an ode contest about the wind I too find the wind fascinating and intriguing. But my Mum used to say beware of the east wind. Apart from that I love to walk with the breezed on my face. I hope you do well in the contest.
Mary
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
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Thank you for your encouraging review.
