Where's Bob?
A story of a toddler's love and her 'missing' grampie...25 total reviews
Comment from MelB
What a cute little girl! I can see why she was the apple of her grandparents eyes. So sorry for the loss of your dad. It's clear that God was providing the comfort to you, even in the song on the radio. It's so difficult for a little one to understand death, but they do seem to take it in stride.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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What a cute little girl! I can see why she was the apple of her grandparents eyes. So sorry for the loss of your dad. It's clear that God was providing the comfort to you, even in the song on the radio. It's so difficult for a little one to understand death, but they do seem to take it in stride.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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Good morning, Melissa, and thank you for a great review and excellent rating. Definitely a tough one to write, and as my daughter Emily, now 23, read it last night for the first time, she was in tears, while commenting how sad we couldn't find a photo of both of them together. I promised her I had a few, and will continue the hunt. Thank you for the continued follow and support. Much appreciated. Have a great day!
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You're welcome. I do hope you are able to find a pic for her!
Comment from Heidi M
Awww, Mary, you tugged at my heartstrings. What a poignant tribute to your dad. You wrote this beautifully by establishing the bond between Bob and the Emster. The 'shaving grace' was the crowning touch. I'm sure it's hard for you to believe twenty years have passed.
(indelible) bond
baby had (rhythm)
Looking forward to the second part, and I will know to have tissue ready.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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Awww, Mary, you tugged at my heartstrings. What a poignant tribute to your dad. You wrote this beautifully by establishing the bond between Bob and the Emster. The 'shaving grace' was the crowning touch. I'm sure it's hard for you to believe twenty years have passed.
(indelible) bond
baby had (rhythm)
Looking forward to the second part, and I will know to have tissue ready.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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Good morning, Heidi, and thank you for a great review and rewarding me with one of those rare sixes. Definitely a tough one to write. My daughter Emily, now 23, read it last night for the first time, she was in tears while commenting how sad I couldn't find a photo of both of them together. I promised her I had a few, and would continue the search. Thank you for the continued follow and support, Heidi. Much appreciated. Have a great day!
Comment from DonandVicki
A very sad but loving tribute to your father. A very touching story. You pulled me into your story and I will look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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A very sad but loving tribute to your father. A very touching story. You pulled me into your story and I will look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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Thank you very much, DonandVicki, for the read, review and rating. I appreciated your review very much. My daughter Emily, now 23, read it last night for the first time, she was in tears while commenting how sad I couldn't find a photo of both of them together. I promised her I had a few, and would continue the search. Have an awesome day!
Comment from MTF1955
What a poignant story. From one who has lost both parents, It is never easy but the good times overwhelm the grief. The funny thing is my youngest daughter you could say is a little psychic and swears when she's really upset my dad is there. She has smelled him and seen a shadow figure. But she always feels better after. He is still watching out for her. As I'm sure your dad is watching over you and your family. Mary
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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What a poignant story. From one who has lost both parents, It is never easy but the good times overwhelm the grief. The funny thing is my youngest daughter you could say is a little psychic and swears when she's really upset my dad is there. She has smelled him and seen a shadow figure. But she always feels better after. He is still watching out for her. As I'm sure your dad is watching over you and your family. Mary
Comment Written 17-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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Good morning, Mary, and thank you for a great review and rewarding me with one of those rare sixes. Definitely a tough one to write. My daughter Emily, now 23, read it last night for the first time and was in tears, while commenting how sad I couldn't find a photo of both of them together. I promised her I had a few, and would continue the search. Thank you for the continued follow and support which is so very appreciated. Have a great day!
Comment from emptypage
My friend Mary,
Your daughter is lovely here. The song "I Can See Clearly Now" is very special to me, too. My dad used to sing this song ALL. THE. TIME. I still love it. And your story is beautiful. Very well written, I found the piece very engaging and vivid. Your emotion throughout was contagious.
I can't wait to read the rest. I have been to some amazing, life-affoirming funerals. I want to hear all about this one.
I'm very sorry for your loss, however.
May I suggest changes for a couple of issues?
You wrote: " 'What's wong, Mommy, why you sad? It's okay, Mommy, I lub you, Mommy; were an often echo throughout many of my drive's home." No apostrophe in "drives."
You wrote: "A family friend and Catholic priest, led us in prayer as his Protestant friend was removed from the bedroom he shared with his wife for forty-six years, down the hallway two of his four children toddled in diapers, then out the front door on North 57th Avenue for the last time atop a mortuary gurney."
First, you do not need a comma after priest. Second, the rest of the sentence confused me. Do you need a period after "years"? Are you saying your dad's body was being transported past these things on a mortuary gurney? Because, if so, are those children or grandchildren in diapers? I, as the reader, can use some clarification.
Wonderful work.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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My friend Mary,
Your daughter is lovely here. The song "I Can See Clearly Now" is very special to me, too. My dad used to sing this song ALL. THE. TIME. I still love it. And your story is beautiful. Very well written, I found the piece very engaging and vivid. Your emotion throughout was contagious.
I can't wait to read the rest. I have been to some amazing, life-affoirming funerals. I want to hear all about this one.
I'm very sorry for your loss, however.
May I suggest changes for a couple of issues?
You wrote: " 'What's wong, Mommy, why you sad? It's okay, Mommy, I lub you, Mommy; were an often echo throughout many of my drive's home." No apostrophe in "drives."
You wrote: "A family friend and Catholic priest, led us in prayer as his Protestant friend was removed from the bedroom he shared with his wife for forty-six years, down the hallway two of his four children toddled in diapers, then out the front door on North 57th Avenue for the last time atop a mortuary gurney."
First, you do not need a comma after priest. Second, the rest of the sentence confused me. Do you need a period after "years"? Are you saying your dad's body was being transported past these things on a mortuary gurney? Because, if so, are those children or grandchildren in diapers? I, as the reader, can use some clarification.
Wonderful work.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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Good morning, emptypage, (what is your first name, friend?) and I thank you for a great review and rewarding me with one of those rare sixes. This was definitely a tough one to write. My daughter Emily, now 23, read it last night for the first time and was in tears while commenting how sad I couldn't find a photo of both of them together. I promised her I had a few, and would continue the search. Cameras were just not that accessible until they came with phones and so many opportunities were missed, I suppose.
I loved reading your review and have incorporated your suggestions for clarification. You were absolutely right on every point.
Have an amazing day, and thank you so much for your continued follow. Blessed to share my work with you.
Comment from Sasha
I am trying to write this through a thousand tears streaming down my face and onto my keyboard. This story, although terribly sad, is filled with so much love. There was little to no love in my childhood and I find great pleasure in experiencing yours. I cannot wait for the next part. I wanted to give you a 6 but I am out...I am so sorry. I found one small spag:
... were an often echo throughout all those twenty minute drive homes....I think you mean 'drives home', not drive homes...
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
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I am trying to write this through a thousand tears streaming down my face and onto my keyboard. This story, although terribly sad, is filled with so much love. There was little to no love in my childhood and I find great pleasure in experiencing yours. I cannot wait for the next part. I wanted to give you a 6 but I am out...I am so sorry. I found one small spag:
... were an often echo throughout all those twenty minute drive homes....I think you mean 'drives home', not drive homes...
Comment Written 17-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
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Thank you, Sasha, for your wonderful review. I will take your virtual six any day ;) I appreciate you taking the time to review it and for your kind words. Thank you for the catch too, I have made a change. I tend to get hung up on things like that...
Have a great evening. Hope you are all rested up from that trip!
Comment from alleewin
Very well written Mary with no errors.
It brought back memories of the relationship between my daughter and her grandpa.
From the day she was born there was an extra special bond.
Your story is not only good therapy for you, it will be therapy for many readers.
Blessings,
Win
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
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Very well written Mary with no errors.
It brought back memories of the relationship between my daughter and her grandpa.
From the day she was born there was an extra special bond.
Your story is not only good therapy for you, it will be therapy for many readers.
Blessings,
Win
Comment Written 17-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
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Thank you, Win, for your wonderful review and exceptional rating. That means so much to me, especially on this piece. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and another wonderful granddad relationship. I didn't experience a grandfather, or a grandmother relationship. My father's mother was the only one alive when I was a child and she lived at the opposite end of the country, in Maine. I appreciate you!
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Thank you Mary.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
A very touching tribute to your father. My Fater passed away ten years ago. No matter how old I get he will always be my Dad.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
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A very touching tribute to your father. My Fater passed away ten years ago. No matter how old I get he will always be my Dad.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
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Thank you, Thomas. I know what you mean--always. I'm sorry about you dad, too.
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Hi Mary,
What a touching write this is!! I loved it! It had me close to tears. I could just picture you at your father's bedside, shaving him, and trying to fight back the tears, knowing that the end was close. You pull on the reader's heart-strings as they picture your cute little Emily walking around, looking for her grandfather, asking "Where's Bob?".
Your story is packed with emotion and exudes 'family love'. With every passing story that you write, Mary, your reader becomes more and more endeared to you and your family. Though the subject matter of this particular write is very sad, the reader enjoys reading of the close bond formed between granddaughter and grandfather, and the tight bond 'txixt all family members, as evidenced throughout your story.
Exceptionally well written, and despite the gravity of the situation, you manage still to make your reader laugh. I laughed out loud at 'white boys can't dance' and at your brother rocking an accidental punch during dance at this wife (who was rolling) ... lol ... very funny ... very clever!
There are many great parts to your story. What specifically stood out for me was when you mentioned the "most amazing dream" on the night of your father's passing. It was as if he was comforting you before he left. I loved that. I had a similar experience when my own father passed away (a story for another time ).
Your inclusion of the various song titles "I Love You, You Love Me", "Loves Me Like A Rock", and "I Can See Clearly Now" was a great complement to your story telling. Also very clever to include this.
I wouldn't change a single thing in this write. It is perfection! Just one wee typo I spotted: "library to checkout an assortment ..." ... "checkout" ... check out.
I'm really looking forward to reading the continuation of this story!
Connie
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
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Hi Mary,
What a touching write this is!! I loved it! It had me close to tears. I could just picture you at your father's bedside, shaving him, and trying to fight back the tears, knowing that the end was close. You pull on the reader's heart-strings as they picture your cute little Emily walking around, looking for her grandfather, asking "Where's Bob?".
Your story is packed with emotion and exudes 'family love'. With every passing story that you write, Mary, your reader becomes more and more endeared to you and your family. Though the subject matter of this particular write is very sad, the reader enjoys reading of the close bond formed between granddaughter and grandfather, and the tight bond 'txixt all family members, as evidenced throughout your story.
Exceptionally well written, and despite the gravity of the situation, you manage still to make your reader laugh. I laughed out loud at 'white boys can't dance' and at your brother rocking an accidental punch during dance at this wife (who was rolling) ... lol ... very funny ... very clever!
There are many great parts to your story. What specifically stood out for me was when you mentioned the "most amazing dream" on the night of your father's passing. It was as if he was comforting you before he left. I loved that. I had a similar experience when my own father passed away (a story for another time ).
Your inclusion of the various song titles "I Love You, You Love Me", "Loves Me Like A Rock", and "I Can See Clearly Now" was a great complement to your story telling. Also very clever to include this.
I wouldn't change a single thing in this write. It is perfection! Just one wee typo I spotted: "library to checkout an assortment ..." ... "checkout" ... check out.
I'm really looking forward to reading the continuation of this story!
Connie
Comment Written 17-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
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Hi Connie, the baby is napping and I'm playing catch up :) Thank you for this wonderful, and heartfelt review. I loved it and appreciate your six on this one especially, for my dad. I love your detailed reviews as they are very helpful for me to know where I excel. I am so curious about your dream too, would love to hear about it. I appreciate the nit notice, check out has been corrected accordingly. Thank you again, Connie. Blessed to have you as a constant in my work. XO
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Hi Mary,
You're very welcome. I will PM you re the similar experience. :)
Comment from jlsavell
Dear Mary,
My heart goes out to you. This is the most moving story about family. I envisioned it all. The love abounds. It doesn't matter what you write of or how, it is always, always a story worth reading and well worth remembering. I finally have a six for you in which you are always so deserving.
Cannot wait to read more.
Jimi
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
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Dear Mary,
My heart goes out to you. This is the most moving story about family. I envisioned it all. The love abounds. It doesn't matter what you write of or how, it is always, always a story worth reading and well worth remembering. I finally have a six for you in which you are always so deserving.
Cannot wait to read more.
Jimi
Comment Written 17-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
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Thank you, Jimi, what a lovely review you have given me here, and the assignment of a SIX makes it that much more special to me on this piece. I know my dad would have loved it too. I am blessed to have you as a continuing reviewer of my work. I appreciate you very much. XO
