Stories of the Dreamtime
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Glass House Mountains"Aboriginal myths and legends.
13 total reviews
Comment from aryr
I liked this one, Kay. It once more showed that each person is their own person, not to be owned or controlled by someone else. These stories all portrayed fantastic morals and the truths of life, but told them in an easy to understand way. Very enjoyable to read, to learn from and indeed to live by. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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I liked this one, Kay. It once more showed that each person is their own person, not to be owned or controlled by someone else. These stories all portrayed fantastic morals and the truths of life, but told them in an easy to understand way. Very enjoyable to read, to learn from and indeed to live by. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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Thank you my sister. XX Kay
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These were so great, I am glad that you mentioned them and I got a chance to read through them, you my dear friend are so welcome.
Comment from tfawcus
I did enjoy reading this, Kay. It is an interesting and instructive story, as is usually the case with stories based on the Aboriginal Dreaming.
A couple of small points to consider. I found your explanations in brackets a bit intrusive. In many cases the explanation is clear from the context anyway. In general, I would stay with the Aboriginal words (eg Balame, rather than Great Spirit or Creator) and have a glossary of names and their meanings at the end.
There are two or three occasions where you end spoken words with a question mark or exclamation mark and then capitalise the next word (eg maybe she will let us go free?" Said (said) Kurria. The punctuation only applies to the words inside the speech marks, and the stage direction (he said/she said/etc) is always in lower case.
I find it fascinating how the Rainbow Serpent seems to provide a link uniting stories of the Dreaming all the way from Queensland through to South Australia.
Your story sounds good when read aloud, which is the acid test when capturing the oral tradition in print.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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I did enjoy reading this, Kay. It is an interesting and instructive story, as is usually the case with stories based on the Aboriginal Dreaming.
A couple of small points to consider. I found your explanations in brackets a bit intrusive. In many cases the explanation is clear from the context anyway. In general, I would stay with the Aboriginal words (eg Balame, rather than Great Spirit or Creator) and have a glossary of names and their meanings at the end.
There are two or three occasions where you end spoken words with a question mark or exclamation mark and then capitalise the next word (eg maybe she will let us go free?" Said (said) Kurria. The punctuation only applies to the words inside the speech marks, and the stage direction (he said/she said/etc) is always in lower case.
I find it fascinating how the Rainbow Serpent seems to provide a link uniting stories of the Dreaming all the way from Queensland through to South Australia.
Your story sounds good when read aloud, which is the acid test when capturing the oral tradition in print.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016
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Thanks so much for reading and suggested edits. Glad you enjoyed. I normally put explanations in author's notes. Americans don't understand our lingo. Once again, thank you. Blessings, Kay XX
Comment from A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE
Thanks Kay, for turning my attention to this lovely Australian piece; with the deeply life-empowering Aboriginal story that stirred the feeling this continental country is still potentially the fabled Garden of Eden, and original Ark! How I loved its setting, and your photo of the Glasshouse Mountains. It reminds me of my furthest northern vista of my solitary pilgrimage days. And, whilst I parked on a lookout, being approached by Jehovah Witnesses to share their creation myths and equally my own - which in those days were full of hope for the Golden Millennium Harvest of co-creative humanity and New Life potential for all on our precious universal Ark.
A wonderful piece, quite deserving of six stars from me, but they are gone. Instead, I'll point out a couple of typos, I think:
There were (was) plenty of food for them to eat
"I must be seeing things!" Exclaimed Kurria. - I feel perhaps the capitalized E might be out of place here, but feelings can be errant!
Rather petty for such a wonderful piece, thank you so much for all your sharing, creativity and Aussie friendship, Maureen*&*
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Thanks Kay, for turning my attention to this lovely Australian piece; with the deeply life-empowering Aboriginal story that stirred the feeling this continental country is still potentially the fabled Garden of Eden, and original Ark! How I loved its setting, and your photo of the Glasshouse Mountains. It reminds me of my furthest northern vista of my solitary pilgrimage days. And, whilst I parked on a lookout, being approached by Jehovah Witnesses to share their creation myths and equally my own - which in those days were full of hope for the Golden Millennium Harvest of co-creative humanity and New Life potential for all on our precious universal Ark.
A wonderful piece, quite deserving of six stars from me, but they are gone. Instead, I'll point out a couple of typos, I think:
There were (was) plenty of food for them to eat
"I must be seeing things!" Exclaimed Kurria. - I feel perhaps the capitalized E might be out of place here, but feelings can be errant!
Rather petty for such a wonderful piece, thank you so much for all your sharing, creativity and Aussie friendship, Maureen*&*
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Hello my friend Maureen, Thank you for reading and so pleased you enjoyed. Editing: always a capital after a full stop and were is past tense. I had a qualified writer edit it for me. Still much to learn in our golden years! As far as the JW's go, poor disillusioned people. Why would god build his beautiful home on planet earth. There is only one heaven which I look forward to. Bless you, Kay.
Comment from heisemg
I enjoyed this very much, I consider myself a story teller as was my father, this is written like it should be told orally around a campfire, which is the best way to tell a story. For thousands of years humans have sat around campfires telling stories but I fear we may be the last generation. Good story.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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I enjoyed this very much, I consider myself a story teller as was my father, this is written like it should be told orally around a campfire, which is the best way to tell a story. For thousands of years humans have sat around campfires telling stories but I fear we may be the last generation. Good story.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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Thanks so much for reading. Glad you enjoyed. Blessings, Kay.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was an amazing story, I love these Aborigine gems you are writing. The spirits, the way they change and come together to help. The grandmother wanting to help her brave grandson face the witch and free his people. Just lovely, my friend, and such a pleasure to read. I hope you are feeling better now? Lots of love to you three. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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That was an amazing story, I love these Aborigine gems you are writing. The spirits, the way they change and come together to help. The grandmother wanting to help her brave grandson face the witch and free his people. Just lovely, my friend, and such a pleasure to read. I hope you are feeling better now? Lots of love to you three. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 01-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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Hello Possum, Thank you for dropping in; glad you enjoyed. I really enjoyed writing it. I am finding more and more, I can only be writing for 1 hour at best, thus it takes me forever to write stories. I was very pleased with the outcome. We are OK getting more help from the Govt. now. Much love my dear friend. :-) XX Kay.
Comment from royowen
Well Done Kay, I loved your story telling and writing, it must be a dreamtime story, I found it fascinating and I'm sure you will have a lot of people tell you the same. Loved the characters, the characters were fascinating, of course I've heard some of the characters before, excellent plot, spag free, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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Well Done Kay, I loved your story telling and writing, it must be a dreamtime story, I found it fascinating and I'm sure you will have a lot of people tell you the same. Loved the characters, the characters were fascinating, of course I've heard some of the characters before, excellent plot, spag free, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 01-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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Hello Roy, Thanks so much for reading. Glad you enjoyed my friend. My grandmother was aboriginal. Have a great day. Blessings, Kay.
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Well done Kay,
Comment from mfowler
I drove through the mountains on a trip home earlier this year. They are still beautiful and invite the mystery that you've captured in this story.
I am a great fan of Aboriginal lore yet know little of that surrounding Brisbane. This is a wonderful story to share. And you have put it together very well. There's a great storyline filled with earthly creatures living in the cross world of spirit/mysticism/humanity.
It takes the smarts and tenacity of Kurria to break the agreement with the witch, and despite the messages from his brother and grandmother, he tackles her anyway. She captures him, but with the help of the animal versions of great spirit, grandmother and brother, she is defeated. Thus, the Girraween can move freely in the land again.
It's a strange story as the people do live a lazy and luxurious life, but they've become enslaved by the glitter of the witch. Your story portrays courage and loyalty with great passion, and the freeing of the tribe is just reward for the young man's persistence.
I enjoyed your balance of dialogue and action text which kept the story moving and growing. I felt a strong connection to all players, but to the cheeky teen as he embarked on his dark mission.
They're are a few errors and things needing a tidy up, so I've listed them below. Thank you for your excellent storytelling.
SPAGs:
"Why you want to go to that bad place, Timbrogaten?" ... no need for second speech marks as the conversation continues after 'Tibrogaten'.
Here, there's a need to fix the punctuation: "Believe what you see, Kurria," I am your Creator and loving Father. ... should be: "Believe what you see, Kurria, I am your Creator and loving Father."
A crack of lightening ... lightning
moved like lightening ... lightning ('lightening' is the past participle of the verb 'lighten'.)
at his sons and said "wherever ... at his sons and said, "Wherever ...etc
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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I drove through the mountains on a trip home earlier this year. They are still beautiful and invite the mystery that you've captured in this story.
I am a great fan of Aboriginal lore yet know little of that surrounding Brisbane. This is a wonderful story to share. And you have put it together very well. There's a great storyline filled with earthly creatures living in the cross world of spirit/mysticism/humanity.
It takes the smarts and tenacity of Kurria to break the agreement with the witch, and despite the messages from his brother and grandmother, he tackles her anyway. She captures him, but with the help of the animal versions of great spirit, grandmother and brother, she is defeated. Thus, the Girraween can move freely in the land again.
It's a strange story as the people do live a lazy and luxurious life, but they've become enslaved by the glitter of the witch. Your story portrays courage and loyalty with great passion, and the freeing of the tribe is just reward for the young man's persistence.
I enjoyed your balance of dialogue and action text which kept the story moving and growing. I felt a strong connection to all players, but to the cheeky teen as he embarked on his dark mission.
They're are a few errors and things needing a tidy up, so I've listed them below. Thank you for your excellent storytelling.
SPAGs:
"Why you want to go to that bad place, Timbrogaten?" ... no need for second speech marks as the conversation continues after 'Tibrogaten'.
Here, there's a need to fix the punctuation: "Believe what you see, Kurria," I am your Creator and loving Father. ... should be: "Believe what you see, Kurria, I am your Creator and loving Father."
A crack of lightening ... lightning
moved like lightening ... lightning ('lightening' is the past participle of the verb 'lighten'.)
at his sons and said "wherever ... at his sons and said, "Wherever ...etc
Comment Written 01-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for reading, editing and enjoying! Takes me ages to write because of arthritis. So pleased you liked the story written from stories of my dreaming. My grandmother was aboriginal. Bless you, Kay. XX
Comment from Alan K Pease
Excellent story of aboriginal growth tracking their pray and preparing their weapons with power for a direct kill. A "Coming of Age" tale as the boys imitate the men of the tribe in stance and style. Part of their life is to confront a witch to end the restrictions on their adventures of travel to interesting and new places. How are you doing Kay, You said you had the flu. Love alan.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2016
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Excellent story of aboriginal growth tracking their pray and preparing their weapons with power for a direct kill. A "Coming of Age" tale as the boys imitate the men of the tribe in stance and style. Part of their life is to confront a witch to end the restrictions on their adventures of travel to interesting and new places. How are you doing Kay, You said you had the flu. Love alan.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2016
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G'day Alan, This story is not finished and was posted in error! When I finish it everyone that reviewed it can read the creepy ending! I'm fine now, a nasty virus went around our town. Much love to you both, Kay XXXX
Comment from l.raven
HI Kay, I love reading you sweet girl...I always learn something...this is a great story...I wish our world was more like living in a paradise...sigh...so very well written you....and I love your picture...love ya you...Linda xxoo
I am so glad the grandmother helped...and the tribe was going to move on...they were now free...there was a bit more to your story...you are a awesome story teller you...thank you for the update sweet girl...love ya Linda xxo
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2016
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HI Kay, I love reading you sweet girl...I always learn something...this is a great story...I wish our world was more like living in a paradise...sigh...so very well written you....and I love your picture...love ya you...Linda xxoo
I am so glad the grandmother helped...and the tribe was going to move on...they were now free...there was a bit more to your story...you are a awesome story teller you...thank you for the update sweet girl...love ya Linda xxo
Comment Written 09-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2016
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Hello my friend, This was released before it was finished!! Thanks so much. Love, Kay.
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that's ok...it said much...you are so welcome...xxoo love ya
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When I do finish it, I will let you know! :-0 I'm hoping for Book of the Month for November (one can only hope) sigh...
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I will reread...and look for book of the mouth...xxoo love
Comment from mermaids
I enjoy these stories. It certainly sounds like a paradise here, so why leave. Glad the animals are happy and enjoying life. The pic is beautiful and fits the story. Thanks for sharing, many need to read these.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2016
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I enjoy these stories. It certainly sounds like a paradise here, so why leave. Glad the animals are happy and enjoying life. The pic is beautiful and fits the story. Thanks for sharing, many need to read these.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2016
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Hello dear friend, this was released before it was finished!! Thanks for dropping by. Love, Kay.
