Comment from Sis Cat

Excellent

I am voting for your naani for telling a dramatic story by putting two haiku like images side by side and inviting the reader to imagine the disastrous consequences. I am a storytelling and I love how you told a story by implying the end. I wish you success in the contest. I read all of the poems and you have my vote. thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2016

Dear Sis,
Thank so much for your kind comments. They are very encouraging.

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Oh no. This is a heart wrencher. Maybe the kid's aim will be
bad and the robin will fly away. Let's hope so. This is a great
entry. It causes the reader to become emotionally involved in
just four lines. Marilyn

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016

Thank you for the read and your kind comments.

Comment from Alex Rosel

Excellent

This is a good entry for the Naani contest. I particularly the way you tease the reader - I think it's intentional. A header image of the bird, and then the opening line, Proud little hunter. Then we discover the little refers to the stature of the human. That's neatly crafted :-)

I enjoyed reading it. Well done, and good luck with the competition.

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016

Thanks for your comments. They are much appreciated.

Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

I like the ambiguity of the ending here. You present the temptation that mist be there for the boy, but leave it open to the reader's interpretation what happens next.

Little bit of a double take at 'alley'. Not 'valley'? 'alley' set this in a town which changes perceptions a bit...

Steve

 Comment Written 24-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016

Thanks for the read and your comment.