Bid Hate Farewell
A Villanelle20 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a wonderful entry. It follows the rules of form beautifully throughout. You deliver a wonderful affirmation of faith reminding us all that peace and love start with each of us as it is through each individual that lasting change occurs. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
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This is a wonderful entry. It follows the rules of form beautifully throughout. You deliver a wonderful affirmation of faith reminding us all that peace and love start with each of us as it is through each individual that lasting change occurs. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2016
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Thanks so much my friend for your review, very kind comments and best wishes. Lots of love...........Portia
Comment from papa55mike
This is wonderfully written and I wish I knew Villanelle was. But it doesn't change the beauty of this poem. Hate should always left behind. All it does is destroy and your poem brings that point. I wish I had a six for you. Good luck in the contest. Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2016
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This is wonderfully written and I wish I knew Villanelle was. But it doesn't change the beauty of this poem. Hate should always left behind. All it does is destroy and your poem brings that point. I wish I had a six for you. Good luck in the contest. Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 20-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2016
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Thanks so much for your review and very kind comments. I really appreciate the outstanding review and best wishes. Blessings.....................Portia
Comment from Caressa_08
Oh, such a great poem, and wish I had a six to render...about a subject too many of us find a very difficult one, forgiveness..Though you are right, yes with this write... your words...showing that forgiveness is the key to unlock the prisoner, ourselves... from any hate or rage that we might harbor...To judge any human being, gossip, all the sins, we just should not let us keep any of that with us to survive soulfully in God's eyes.
Truly appreciate your author notes that tell a personal conflict made better by forgiving someone, who it should of been the other way around, though best to do that then keep it in your heart to torment at your body and too soul, it did seem.
God bless & Best Wishes for your wonderful entry...Caressa_08
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Oh, such a great poem, and wish I had a six to render...about a subject too many of us find a very difficult one, forgiveness..Though you are right, yes with this write... your words...showing that forgiveness is the key to unlock the prisoner, ourselves... from any hate or rage that we might harbor...To judge any human being, gossip, all the sins, we just should not let us keep any of that with us to survive soulfully in God's eyes.
Truly appreciate your author notes that tell a personal conflict made better by forgiving someone, who it should of been the other way around, though best to do that then keep it in your heart to torment at your body and too soul, it did seem.
God bless & Best Wishes for your wonderful entry...Caressa_08
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Caressa,
Thanks so much my friend for such an outstanding review and very kind comments. I am just so glad that all that hate is gone out of my heart forever.. God is so good, he will show you the good, the bad and the ugly. Blessings my friend........Portia
Comment from MartinSDagger
A poem well done, but I caution using an exclamation point at the end of any poem. It may decrease the value of the art. I wish that the author would have put more content and less repetition, but to each his own. The emotions are so well twined around the theme - I can hear the regret for the past and wisdom gained in the end. A powerful, honest message of advice turned into verse for us to learn from.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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A poem well done, but I caution using an exclamation point at the end of any poem. It may decrease the value of the art. I wish that the author would have put more content and less repetition, but to each his own. The emotions are so well twined around the theme - I can hear the regret for the past and wisdom gained in the end. A powerful, honest message of advice turned into verse for us to learn from.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Thanks so much my friend for such an outstanding review and for giving me the heads up on using an exclamation point at the end of any poem. The repetition is part of the requirements for penning a Villanelle. Your review and comments are greatly appreciated. Below are the requirements for penning a Villanelle:
The villanelle consists of five stanzas of three lines (tercets) followed by a single stanza of four lines (a quatrain) for a total of nineteen lines. It is structured by two repeating rhymes and two refrains: the first line of the first stanza serves as the last line of the second and fourth stanzas, and the third line of the first stanza serves as the last line of the third and fifth stanzas.
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Thanks for explaining the villanelle!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written VIlanelle. To my knowledge, there is no need for a specific meter, the main feature is the rhyming and repeating lines, although I use the iambic meter when I am writing a Vilanelle. Hate can keep you imprisoned in yourself, as soon as you let go of that and forgive the ones who caused your hate, you will be free.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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A very well-written VIlanelle. To my knowledge, there is no need for a specific meter, the main feature is the rhyming and repeating lines, although I use the iambic meter when I am writing a Vilanelle. Hate can keep you imprisoned in yourself, as soon as you let go of that and forgive the ones who caused your hate, you will be free.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Thanks so much for your review and very wise comments. Blessings..........................Portia
Comment from Pantygynt
If this is your first villanelle I think you have done very well indeed because I find them one of the most difficult forms to write. Choosing good repeat lines is a large part of the battle as if you choose the wrong ones they get very stilted as they keep cropping up. These are good lines and you have them fitting beautifully into the rest of your poem.
You say you are not sure about the meter. Being originally a French form meter is of secondary importance, however most writers in the English language choose to right in iambics because of the way the English language works. If you glance through your poem or indeed any English writing you will see how frequently the da-DUM rhythm works quite naturally. There are however quite a few words that don't follow the stress on the second syllable format. The thing to remember is if you want to stay in iambic meter you must not let those become the first words in your line.
For the most part you have chosen iambic tetrameter here. That means da-DUM X 5 in each line. Now look at the line below. Malice is one of those words that has the stressed syllable first. We could get round this by adding a naturally unstressed word like "and" or "for" but then we would end up with too many syllables. Actually never before is a bit of a clutter so let's lose a syllable and go "ne'er before.
"Malice spreads like never before."
"Malice springs like ne'er before" If you read that in aloud it works well even though it is a trochaic rather than an iambic line. This is what is called a metrical substitution and is generally acceptable if used sparingly but not always in FanStory contests.
We have the same problem with the first line of the quatrain, and I think it would be a mistake to have a metrical substitution so near the end. Try this
[So] love springs forth (to) for level (the) score;
The next and last is a naturally trochaic line
"spreading gossip and lies unheard"
so let's cut it down to 7 syllables and treat it as a metrical substitution
"spreading gossip, (and) lies unheard".
One last tip for FanStory only. When you do one of these metrical substitutions mention it in your notes S2 L2 Trochaic substitution. That should keep the trolls away.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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If this is your first villanelle I think you have done very well indeed because I find them one of the most difficult forms to write. Choosing good repeat lines is a large part of the battle as if you choose the wrong ones they get very stilted as they keep cropping up. These are good lines and you have them fitting beautifully into the rest of your poem.
You say you are not sure about the meter. Being originally a French form meter is of secondary importance, however most writers in the English language choose to right in iambics because of the way the English language works. If you glance through your poem or indeed any English writing you will see how frequently the da-DUM rhythm works quite naturally. There are however quite a few words that don't follow the stress on the second syllable format. The thing to remember is if you want to stay in iambic meter you must not let those become the first words in your line.
For the most part you have chosen iambic tetrameter here. That means da-DUM X 5 in each line. Now look at the line below. Malice is one of those words that has the stressed syllable first. We could get round this by adding a naturally unstressed word like "and" or "for" but then we would end up with too many syllables. Actually never before is a bit of a clutter so let's lose a syllable and go "ne'er before.
"Malice spreads like never before."
"Malice springs like ne'er before" If you read that in aloud it works well even though it is a trochaic rather than an iambic line. This is what is called a metrical substitution and is generally acceptable if used sparingly but not always in FanStory contests.
We have the same problem with the first line of the quatrain, and I think it would be a mistake to have a metrical substitution so near the end. Try this
[So] love springs forth (to) for level (the) score;
The next and last is a naturally trochaic line
"spreading gossip and lies unheard"
so let's cut it down to 7 syllables and treat it as a metrical substitution
"spreading gossip, (and) lies unheard".
One last tip for FanStory only. When you do one of these metrical substitutions mention it in your notes S2 L2 Trochaic substitution. That should keep the trolls away.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Pantygynt,
Thanks so much for such an outstanding review. I appreciate your very kind suggestions and have made the changes. This one I did not quite understand what needed to be changed on the first line of the quatrain.
You said, Try this........... " [So] love springs forth (to) for level (the) score;" Thanks so much for taking the time to give me the help I needed to make it better. Blessings my friend........................Portia
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Sorry if this bit wasn't clear. You had,
"Love and peace will level the score;"
The rhythm of this is actually DUM-da, DUM-da, DUM-da, da-DUM, which is a bit unsettling, my suggestion was to make the line an iambic tetrameter: da-DUM X 4. There are many ways rthis could be done, Prerhaps this would be nearer your original than my first suggestion,
"For love and peace equates the score."
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Pantygynt,
Again, I would like to thank you for your support and help. Your kindness is greatly appreciated.
I see there is a need for me to become knowledgeable in the different types of meter, when and how to used them when writing poetry. I will always remember your kindness. Blessings........Portia
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No problem. Pleased to help.
Comment from William Ross
Nicely done on the villanelle like charity forgiveness does start at home. great job on this, should do well, Good luck and have a wonderful day.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Nicely done on the villanelle like charity forgiveness does start at home. great job on this, should do well, Good luck and have a wonderful day.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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William,
Thanks so much for your review and very kind comments. Blessings.........................Portia
Comment from Dean Kuch
How can we expect God to forgive us of our sins when we can't even find it within our hearts to forgive someone elses?
It doesn't work that way, Portia.
Most often, the one you're focusing all of the poisonous hatred on doesn't even know how much you truly loathe them. So, you only end up poisoning your own soul in the process.
As you've stated here quite succinctly in your well written and wonderfully well composed Villanelle, simply bid hate adieu forevermore.
We'll be a much better person for it when we do.
~Dean
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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How can we expect God to forgive us of our sins when we can't even find it within our hearts to forgive someone elses?
It doesn't work that way, Portia.
Most often, the one you're focusing all of the poisonous hatred on doesn't even know how much you truly loathe them. So, you only end up poisoning your own soul in the process.
As you've stated here quite succinctly in your well written and wonderfully well composed Villanelle, simply bid hate adieu forevermore.
We'll be a much better person for it when we do.
~Dean
Comment Written 18-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Dean,
Thanks so much for your very kind review. I am just grateful that God's amazing grace and mercy changed my heart. Blessings my friend. Portia
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Blessings to you & yours, Portia.
~Dean
Comment from Bill O'Bier
Your poem is spot on- forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude
Your poem delivers a wonderful message. Your words are beautifully expressive and the arrangement with the artwork is fantastic. Thanks for sharing this piece and good luck in this contest.
Wishing you all the best...
Bill~
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Your poem is spot on- forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude
Your poem delivers a wonderful message. Your words are beautifully expressive and the arrangement with the artwork is fantastic. Thanks for sharing this piece and good luck in this contest.
Wishing you all the best...
Bill~
Comment Written 18-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Bill,
Thanks so much for such an outstanding review, your rating and comments are greatly appreciated. Blessings................Portia
Comment from nancyjam
I love the beautiful message in your well crafted Villanelle.
Forgiveness is very difficult whhen we have been hurt, but
it is necessary if we are to live at peace.
As God forgives us, so we must forgive others. I see by your
notes you live by this rule which is why your poem has such
an impact on the reader.
I wish you the best in the contest.
Nancy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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I love the beautiful message in your well crafted Villanelle.
Forgiveness is very difficult whhen we have been hurt, but
it is necessary if we are to live at peace.
As God forgives us, so we must forgive others. I see by your
notes you live by this rule which is why your poem has such
an impact on the reader.
I wish you the best in the contest.
Nancy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Nancy,
Thanks so much for such an outstanding review, very kind comments and best wishes. Blessings...................Portia
