Comment from JTStone

Excellent

Hey Rhonda
How have you been. You were recovering well when I was last here.

I see your girls are still at it and now the kids are more than sidekicks I see. I need to go back and get better acquainted, though I remember the characters and the plot, a lot has happened...
Jimmy

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016

A lot has happened, Jimmy. I was wondering where you wandered off to. I'm glad to have you back. Yeah, the kids are coming into their own now, and the fire is starting to heat up.

Thanks for reading, oh and returning!!

Rhonda

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I agree, I feel they just want to survive anyway possible. I am really enjoying this story. You are doing a great job with it. I didn't find any spag, maybe because I was too into the story.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016

Thanks so much, Barbara. That's okay, you probably didn't find any spag because mfowler and giraffemang beat you to it. haha. Thanks so much for following!

Rhonda

Comment from crybry67

Excellent

Your story intrigued me. Your characters are well thought out, and your dialogue flows smoothly. You've got action, suspense, and a hint of romance.
Well done.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016

Thanks so much. I'm glad you stopped in to read and review. You're welcome back any time!!

Rhonda

Comment from cterp

Excellent

Great chapter. Good dialog, very believable, given the subject matter. An innocent girl talking with a young man, a medical student who claims he is a werewolf, who then changes before her eyes...back...into a one.

One rather humorous typo:

semi-viscous werewolf
Did you mean semi-sticky werewolf?

chris

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016

Yeah, that one was auto correction, and didn't notice it until you said something. It is funny, though!!

Thanks for the review, my friend!!

Rhonda

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

I really like the turn of events in this chapter. The background on the werewolves was fascinating - very creative. I think this is one of your best chapters. Wish I had a 6 left for it, my friend

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016

Thank you so much!! I'm actually getting to the part of the book I like the most, and I think that transfers to the story itself. The rest so far has just been setting up what's coming.

I'll take that virtual six! Thank you!!

Rhonda

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Rhonda,

Good insight into the wolves and their culture / actions at this point whilst still moving the plot forward. Good stuff.

A few bits I picked up -

She hears the footsteps - I think this should be heard here to preserve the tense.

pointed her flashlight in the intruder's eyes like a fiery sword - not 100% sold on the simile here.

He had curly blonde hair - blond for males.

skin tingling - skin-tingling.(and no comma afterwards)

bother you any more ." - delete the space before the end punctuation here.

the mane of blonde hair - blond.

If you don't like the witches behaviour - witches'.

"The Wolf or Witchs' Councils." - Witches'.

what my mother calls, principals.- principles.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016

Wow, I raked in the mistakes this time, didn't I? A few were from revisions I made once posted, and I messed up fixing the whole line, but others were just plain mistakes. I truly didn't know blonde/blond was gender specific. I feel silly on that one!! And missing principals is hilarious!!

I do so appreciate the considerable time you take on these reviews!!!

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

Great writing, Rhonda. If I was a kid, I'd be in love with Kurt!! Tina is turning into a very brave girl and a great character to add to the Daredevil girls. The wolves are scary, Giddy

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016

Thanks, Giddy! Yes, Tina's going to fall hard for this guy before it's said and done. Lol. Thanks for the read and review,
Rhonda

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

This is a great outcome for Tina. And it was kind of her sub-story I was following most keenly. Last time she was involved we saw her confronted by werewolves on a lonely road. I had no idea how she'd get out of that one and you come up with a sub-species of friendly, semi-vicious werewolves who aren't out to eat her. Either that's sensational invention from your imagination or you've seconded the type from mystical folklore and placed them in your story. Either way, a great inclusion and an excellent way to find out more about the witches and the wacky world of savage spirits.

Love how Tina's become this calm and wise character who thinks her way through situations and here she not only confronts a werewolf but exploits his better nature to help defeat the terror at the school. A true Daredevil Girl in the making, that's for sure.

I like the balance of dialogue and description in this. I felt involved at all times. Tina is such an appealing character and now we have a sympathetic werewolf to relate to in Kane.

Another excellent read, Rhonda.
There are a few SPAGs you may wish to attend to listed below.
Witchs' Councils ... Witches'
the witches behavior ... witches' behaviour
She hears the footsteps behind her approaching faster... then stop inches from her back. ... here you've gone to present tense and I think the notion of 'approaching faster ' is missing something as they're coming faster than what? Here's my suggestion: She heard the footsteps behind her gradually approaching faster ... then stop(ping) inches from her back.
and often misunderstood, culture. ... no need for comma after 'misunderstood'.

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016

Wow, thanks so much for the great details!!
All of the slag you've mentioned got pointed out and fixed, except one that giraffemang seemed to have overlooked in his long list. Haha. Thanks for that.

I made up the good ones/bad ones for a purpose. I'm going to follow that theme throughout. The point is to teach young adults that labels don't make the person, and they always have choices within the group they fall into. I'd old lore parallels that, then good, because there will be werewolf enthusiasts out there who will recognize it. I appreciate the commentary on it.

On Tina, I am building her character to be one bold and stubborn kid, sort of like Sally of old. I'm about to deal with the other younger generation kids and develop their characters as well. they've been sideline until now.

Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from royowen

Excellent

What an imaginative turn, a werewolf with a difference, the ability to have principles, and save lives not take them. I like this twist in the road, I wonder if we will have a wolf rebellion? Well done Rhonda, that's what you a good writer, and a marvellous purveyor of principle and evil, all based on decision. Well done, most enjoyable, blessings, Roy
Typo : turn around so I don't (creap) you out. Creep?

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016

Thanks, Roy. I thought I had changed the creap part, but I guess it didn't take. I've noticed that on this site before, thanks.
You're the only one who's picked up on the good and evil based on choice, and that's one of my chief themes in this book. Another is redemption, like with Akie the mummy. Kids need to realize because they've made a mistake doesn't mean they have to continue in it.

Thanks much,
Rhonda

reply by royowen on 17-Sep-2016

Most enjoyable Rhonda,

Comment from Heidi M

Excellent

Very good chapter in your book. You have included excellent descriptions because you not only told us what they looked like, but you included posture. That helped me visualize Barlow.
Good dialogue between Tina and Kurt. She has the slightly sarcastic comments that inject a bit of humor.
My favorite line: "...but it's the nature of their souls, not their skins." That says a lot!
Suggestion: I believe the line would flow more smoothly like this: "...severe lack of understanding what courage is..."
witches'; principles
This chapter does a good job of moving your story line forward. Well-written!

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016

Thank you, Heidi, and that's how I originally had the line, but it left the sentence with a "dangling participle", so I cut it off.
It sounds better that way, though,
I'll go back and look at it again!
Thanks so much for the review and pointers.

Rhonda