Comment from Walu Feral

Exceptional

G'day padna.

Finally I get to review a chapter of my favorite book. It seems like ages since I've reviewed any.

Okay, let's go.

"Tina looked into the face of a being so frightening, he seemed surreal. His eyes were distinctly human, but his face was elongated and covered in rough brown fur. Lips drew back over sharp canine-like teeth, and drool oozed over serrated lips.)(Yep! Sounds just like me, all but the teeth! Mine are like stars...they come out at night. But I have to admit to having a bit of a fancy for that good ole werewolf drool!)

"Do you work for the witches?"

"I do." (Damn!)

"You aren't a werewolf, are you?"

"I am." (Double damn!)

"We don't belong to the main pack because we refuse to spill innocent blood." (Hahahaha! Well, that's mighty sporting of them. How nice.)

"Not really. To be honest, I don't understand anything that's happened since werewolves showed up at my school dressed like clowns, and my principal turned into a witch." (lol. That is one heck of a good line.)

"So, what do you do when you aren't guarding the road against terrifying twelve-year(-)old girls?"

"and, given the chance, you and your friends could find that strength." (Very wise stuff for a kid.)

"If you are through interrogating me, would you mind turning around?" (Hahaha!)

Fantastic work, Sis She seems to have turned from a scared little girl to a Daredevil girl quite fast.

Very entertaining reading.

Cheers Fez

 Comment Written 02-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016

Thank you, Feral!! I appreciate the six stars and the six star review. I love the way you "tell it like it is". You have a way of interjecting information and fun into each line that catches your attention. That helps me to know what works and what doesn't! Oh, and it gives me a chuckle!!

You're the greatest!

House is still under repair, I see! I hope you are keeping those scoundrel boys busy. I'm glad they didn't float away. hahaha

Gotta go to work now!

Take care, and tell the Kwalas howdy for me!

Sis

Comment from MelB

Excellent

Hi Rhonda, this is a great chapter and I enjoyed the dialogue between Tina and the wolf man. I like her spunk and toughness. She didn't back down and tried to convince him to revolt against the witches.

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Sep-2016

Thank you! I'm trying to develop the characters of the students now to build the new group. Thanks for taking the time,
Rhonda

reply by MelB on 20-Sep-2016

You're welcome.

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Rhonda

= LOL! I love how Tina talks to Kurt like it's an everyday occurrence to talk about being a werewolf.
= The more teeth to chomp on you with, my dear, because I'm a semi-vicious werewolf.
= Well, there you go. That makes all the difference in the world.
= Fun, fun chapter. I'm glad I stopped what I was doing and looked it up. Nice job, my friend.

<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings <> Jax
<> Published as <> Jacqueline M Franklin

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Sep-2016

Thank you, Jax!! I'm glad you did, too. The funny thing about teens/preteens is they don't seem to have a sense of danger. Mine was super heightened, but many aren't afraid of anything. Besides, she's had a tough day. haha.

Thanks for finding the story to read,
Rhonda

Comment from Pam (respa)

Exceptional

-I was wondering if it was Fuzzy, but you answered the question. I don't think Fuzzy would like to look like that, anyway!
-I liked this chapter very much.
-The characters of Tina and Kurt really stand out; Tina for her bravery and Kurt for his viewpoint on things, and the nature of the 'pack' he is with. They do not believe in spilling blood, but they also don't have the courage to stand up against the witches and other werewolves.
-In addition to that, he is "a disturbingly handsome young man." That definitely piques the interest of the women and girls reading the story.
-Tina is quite a talker, and Kurt tells her about his background. That was very interesting because he is a medical student, and his father was a doctor. Who would have thought? I hope they don't turn in the middle of a procedure:)
-Tina uses what she has learned about courage and shares it with Kurt; I think that reveals a lot about her character; who knows, maybe it will end up turning things around for Kurt and his group of Shadow Wolves.
-I like how Kurt was willing to compromise with Tina and allow her to leave, but not without him guiding her down the dark road. Hope that doesn't bring danger for him and his pack.
-Finally, Tina arrives at a convenience store. I assume she will call Emory Settler, but for now she can't help but worry about her friends. I am sure she wonders if she will have done enough soon enough. But she has to keep trying.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016

An amazing review, my friend!! What a shot in the arm. You got all of it exactly as I intended. It's wonderful when you can be understood right where you're coming from.

You'll learn more about Tina later. She's always a talker, and isn't afraid to call people to the carpet when she thinks she's right. She's spunky. Part of it is her age group. They tend to say exactly what's on their minds, and don't back down. Her tenacity is what forces Kurt to compromise with her. She'll have that effect of people.

As far as Kurt, he's going to become the hotty of the series. Tina develops a terrible crush on him, but he handles it well.

Now, will he be the bad boy people fall far, or a bad boy turned good?? I'm not telling. haha.

Thanks for the beautiful stars!!! You're a sweetheart as always!!

Rhonda

reply by Pam (respa) on 19-Sep-2016

You are very welcome for the review and I appreciate your reply. I understand because you write it that way. You are right about the age group of Tina, and Kurt is a 'hottie!!' It will be interesting to see which direction he goes, but I am keeping my guess to myself😊 Your compliment is appreciated, Rhonda, and you are a good friend.

Comment from rspoet

Exceptional

Tina's a pretty smart kid for a twelve year old
and she sure talks a lot
I wonder if Rhonda was like that when she was twelve?
So now we have bad wolves and good wolves
And wolves of a different color
A white one with piercing blue eyes
A wolf any twelve years old girl could fall for
and wolves who are part of the shadow wolves
Loved the fast paced dialogue
and the idea of talking your way out of danger
I'd rather see Kurt than Barlow in the picture!
Excellent chapter, my friend
Well done

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016

Thank you so much for the brilliant and shining stars!!

I tried to find a picture of a handsome werewolf with a soft spot for garrulous preteens, but they didn't have one in FanArt!! I'll see what I can find for next time!!

twelve-year old Rhonda was quite a talker, and is 50+ Rhonda, but I was terribly shy. However, I'm pretty sure I would have fallen for the wolf guy!!

Again, thank you for the positive feedback and the sense of humor!!

Rhonda

Comment from mvbrooks

Excellent

The chapter opening with the clear, detailed description of one of the werewolves prepared us to empathize with Tina's initial fear. That one of the werewolves took the form of a "disturbingly handsome" male made the story more interesting. The pacing is strong and quick and moves the story well. The characters' dialogue rings true of real conversation, making the story more realistic. At the end of this section, the reader is ready to turn the page and read more.

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016

Thanks so much for the thorough review. It really helps to get detailed comments. This is very helpful to form future chapters. It's often hard to balance description and conversation, and I'm still working on it.

Again, Thanks,
Rhonda

Comment from jlsavell

Excellent

Dear Rhonda, this is another excellent chapter in the Chronicles of the Daredevil Girls. Dialogue and scene setting excellent. There is always a moral to your well written chapters and this one is inspirational. Stand and be counted for what you believe to be true and honorable..
a most interesting transition of some characters.. well done friend... jimi

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016

Thanks, Jimi!!
I like that title, "Chronicles of the Daredevil Girls". hmmmm. Might change it to that before publishing.
Thank you for the review and comments. I'm glad it didn't come off as too "preachy". I toned it down a bit before posting.
I'm about to transition even more to the newbies in the DDG field, and I'm sure you can tell where this is leading...

Loved Dean's poem about your nightmare. Leave it to him to make it even scarier. lol

Rhonda

Comment from Ulla

Exceptional

Hi Rhonda, I read this as a fairy tale as I don't much believe in werewolves nor care for them either. But I must applause you for this very well written chapter. Great dialogue and Tina Alice really has a great sense of dry humour. Against my better judgement I'm taken with this book. I'm looking forward to see what Tina Alice can come up with now. All the Best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016

Thanks, Ulla. My father was the one who invented the stories to tell my sister and I as children. I've forgotten his exact stores, but the idea lives on, and that is to teach young people how to handle problems by using fantasy creatures as subjects. That way they didn't seem as threatening. I'm not into werewolves, vampires and witches so much myself, but if they can represent gangs, or the wrong kind of friends, or even fears they need to overcome, then the job is accomplished. That's why I make them human-like. Kids also like heroes with superpowers, and I'm playing into what kids would want to read.

I have four other series, one is about Greek Mythological creatures, one about time travel, and another about a group of people genetically altered by scientists. Then I have a random one about Atlantis.

I do so thank you for the six stars, and for reading out of your comfort zone. I have appreciated your support all along!

Rhonda

reply by Ulla on 18-Sep-2016

As I said I am really enjoying the story, Rhonda, and I can see what you are saying about helping the youngsters through humanised creatures. :)))

reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016

Thank you!!

Comment from A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE

Exceptional

Hi Rhonda, I'm glad I took another leap forward, and found some quite pertinent and encouraging philosophy here. For disconcerting are falls into black holes; because not only can one not `understand anything' or self, but be understood. Moreover, where does one take courage from to stand up for right when seemingly on such a path one repeatedly falls from the Wayside?

Today, I feel I have chosen to stand courageously: the right to clear directions for my journey step by step with FanStory. It was the path I was so confident of when I so eagerly embraced the Eternal Flame, and in general for my exhilarating ride through year one.

It is certainly unexpectedly disconcerting, therefore, to face responsibly, and realistically, the disappointment of FanStory not being the wonderful, and seemingly God gifted vehicle for the fulfilling of my final Earthy years.

Six stars for your inspiration, nourishing and resonant words, Maureen*&*

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016

Thank you, Maureen, and you've gotten the purpose of this story and chapter. It's all about encouraging people to use their individual talents and to stand up against whatever discourages them. Thank you for sharing how this helped with your own walk through life.

Thank you, especially, for the wonderful six stars!!

God bless,
Rhonda

Comment from Randolph Nicholas Ellison

Excellent

Very intriguing. A nice blend of fantasy and reality. I like that the werewolves are real wolves. That is cool. The only thing I would change is adding more description. There is a lot of dialogue but not a lot of setting development. But maybe that happened in a previous installment.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016

I know it is hard to come in midway on a story and get the whole feel of it, and as a writer, it's hard to post it that way as well. In order to get people interested in reading, you have to write short, and have lots of dialogue. But I do appreciate you taking the time to get acquainted with this chapter. Useful was where you told me that it's a good blend of fantasy and reality, which is exactly where I am trying to go with this book. Being a YA book, I'm trying to help youngsters with their own issues, but put it in a different world placement so they get the point without it being about a gang or something.
Anyway, thanks again,
Rhonda