The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "Tina's Courage Game"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
22 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Oh Dear, Rhonda, what is to happen now? Tina is facing danger and at the moment she seems to be their only salvation. Great visuals used. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Oh Dear, Rhonda, what is to happen now? Tina is facing danger and at the moment she seems to be their only salvation. Great visuals used. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Ulla. They are definitely in a pickle! I do appreciate your comments. Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This story is the best use of dialog I have seen. Why do so many writers ignore it. I won't call them authors, an author would never write that way.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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This story is the best use of dialog I have seen. Why do so many writers ignore it. I won't call them authors, an author would never write that way.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Thomas, what a lovely thing to say. I love using dialogue when I can, but in the last section, Tina had no one to talk to, so I mixed that part in this a largely dialogue passage. I agree on diogue, though. Again. much thanks.
Rhonda
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Courage, she decided, was not a lack of fear in the face of danger, but facing danger in spite of your fear. She pressed on. (GOOD!!)
Tina is in trouble and this is a great hook. This reader can't wait to discover what' going to happen next.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Courage, she decided, was not a lack of fear in the face of danger, but facing danger in spite of your fear. She pressed on. (GOOD!!)
Tina is in trouble and this is a great hook. This reader can't wait to discover what' going to happen next.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Thanks, Barbara! I appreciate your comments as they help guide me to the next chapter. I always value your opinion!!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda, and oh, no, Tina done been caught--those darn werewolf-jerks, you just cant get away from them!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda, and oh, no, Tina done been caught--those darn werewolf-jerks, you just cant get away from them!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Thanks, Mike. Yeah, they are a bit pesky, but Tina's got nerve and she'll need it!
Thanks for the review and comments!
Rhonda
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
Another good chapter. I like the swinging pov between chapters. Works well in this instance.
You. I don't think you're bound as tightly as me. - this wouldn't really make much of a difference as the rope would still be the same thickness.
He wasted very little time rubbing them for better circulation, or for any other wasted movement.- try to avoid the repetition of wasted in this sentence.
The dark road she traveled, turned and twisted like a diamondback rattlesnake--just as tortuous--just as perilous. - nice imagery here.
The courage game she was in was real, and she was so scared her whole body was trembling - four usages of 'was' in this sentence. could be trimmed down - Her body trembled in fear, this was no game - for example.
The werewolf echoed with his own guttural howl - maybe responded or replied rather than echoes here.
and waited for the worse to happen - worst?
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Hi Rhonda,
Another good chapter. I like the swinging pov between chapters. Works well in this instance.
You. I don't think you're bound as tightly as me. - this wouldn't really make much of a difference as the rope would still be the same thickness.
He wasted very little time rubbing them for better circulation, or for any other wasted movement.- try to avoid the repetition of wasted in this sentence.
The dark road she traveled, turned and twisted like a diamondback rattlesnake--just as tortuous--just as perilous. - nice imagery here.
The courage game she was in was real, and she was so scared her whole body was trembling - four usages of 'was' in this sentence. could be trimmed down - Her body trembled in fear, this was no game - for example.
The werewolf echoed with his own guttural howl - maybe responded or replied rather than echoes here.
and waited for the worse to happen - worst?
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Thanks, G, for the brilliant review. I went back and made the changes you suggest, so thanks so much for those! Always quite helpful!
I'm glad the switching between the two situations worked. I started to leave things with the Nancy and Bruce freed, and write more about what they did, but it segued much better, I thought, by combining the two.
Again, thanks for all your help,
Rhonda
Comment from MelB
Great description of the road winding like a rattlesnake and being just as dangerous. Oh no, poor Tina! I hope she can fight against the bugger and win. I don't want her to be hurt or worse.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Great description of the road winding like a rattlesnake and being just as dangerous. Oh no, poor Tina! I hope she can fight against the bugger and win. I don't want her to be hurt or worse.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Yes, Tina is in a bit of a spot! Out of the frying pan and into the fire!
Have a great week,
Rhonda
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You're welcome. I hope she gets out. Hope you have a great week too.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Cowgirl. Boo! Scared ya!
"Finally(,) something's going our way."
"I was, but I've got it open now. Hold your wrists still, please." (Crikey, that's a scary thought!)
"But I can't see what I'm doing and I don't want to cut you." (lol. Ask and you shall receive... a cut wrist! Then them bloody wolves'll be sniffing around!)
"she finally sliced through the entire rope." (Phew!)
"Courage, she decided, was not a lack of fear in the face of danger, but facing danger in spite of your fear. She pressed on." (Perfect!)
"Before long, she heard what sounded like footsteps behind her." (Hate it when that happens!)
"She stopped, and then for a second or two, the footsteps continued." (Run you little whippet! Run like the wind!)
Wow! What a powerful finish, sis and a wonderful chapter, indeed. The picture you've painted of the poor kid in the dark, with the canopy above, is stark and realistic. I've been through something very similar, which will come up in a chapter or two of my book.
The artwork is fascinating. Fancy waking up in the morning with that head staring at you!
Great job.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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G'day Cowgirl. Boo! Scared ya!
"Finally(,) something's going our way."
"I was, but I've got it open now. Hold your wrists still, please." (Crikey, that's a scary thought!)
"But I can't see what I'm doing and I don't want to cut you." (lol. Ask and you shall receive... a cut wrist! Then them bloody wolves'll be sniffing around!)
"she finally sliced through the entire rope." (Phew!)
"Courage, she decided, was not a lack of fear in the face of danger, but facing danger in spite of your fear. She pressed on." (Perfect!)
"Before long, she heard what sounded like footsteps behind her." (Hate it when that happens!)
"She stopped, and then for a second or two, the footsteps continued." (Run you little whippet! Run like the wind!)
Wow! What a powerful finish, sis and a wonderful chapter, indeed. The picture you've painted of the poor kid in the dark, with the canopy above, is stark and realistic. I've been through something very similar, which will come up in a chapter or two of my book.
The artwork is fascinating. Fancy waking up in the morning with that head staring at you!
Great job.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Thank you for the blow by blow review. I love that about your reviews. It makes it personal and helpful. I also appreciate the 6 star review. You're the best!
Haven't heard from you in a bit, and I was worried. How's sweet Delia? Hope you got the boys to help her!
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
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Always welcome, mate. She's on the mend now thank God. The boys seem to have got a new lease on life, or maybe they are afraid I'd throw 'em back to where I found 'em lol.
I'll try and post the next book chapter shortly, once I can promote it a bit.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Well written. I especially like your description in the first paragraph of the second part. Nicely done, my friend. A werewolf sounds pretty scary--she'll need lots of courage. Nicely penned, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Well written. I especially like your description in the first paragraph of the second part. Nicely done, my friend. A werewolf sounds pretty scary--she'll need lots of courage. Nicely penned, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Thank so much, Debbie. I appreciate your honest review.
Have a great week,
Rhonda
Comment from royowen
Poor Nancy is confronted by a hairy monster and is obviously ticked off by circumstance and is ready to be dealt with by the creature, but I suspect the creature is not all bad, just before this she manages to cut her ropes and Bruce too, good third person writing, Rhonda, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Poor Nancy is confronted by a hairy monster and is obviously ticked off by circumstance and is ready to be dealt with by the creature, but I suspect the creature is not all bad, just before this she manages to cut her ropes and Bruce too, good third person writing, Rhonda, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Thanks for your review, Roy, and I hope you have a great week!
As always, I appreciate your support,
Rhonda
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Most welcome
Comment from lancellot
A very solid chapter. I would get rid of some of the he said, she said tags in the first part. They are needed.
but it made little difference in the surrounding blanket of shadow[s].
- recommend making shadow plural. It sounds spookier.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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A very solid chapter. I would get rid of some of the he said, she said tags in the first part. They are needed.
but it made little difference in the surrounding blanket of shadow[s].
- recommend making shadow plural. It sounds spookier.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. I agree on the plural on shadows. I orginally put "darkness", but had dark too many times. Thanks you again,
Rhonda
