The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "Tina's Courage Game"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
22 total reviews
Comment from boxergirl
Good job again with your descriptive details. The imagery is strong and the dialogue sharp. I'm not as brave as Tina...I would have had a heart attack if someone were following me!
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
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Good job again with your descriptive details. The imagery is strong and the dialogue sharp. I'm not as brave as Tina...I would have had a heart attack if someone were following me!
Comment Written 18-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
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The thing about many kids that age, and I know you are familiar with them, is they don't know when to shut that mouth. They are afraid of the dark, but will take on a werewolf (or its human equivalent)! haha.
I'm glad the imagery and dialogue worked. I tried to reveal something about the personality of both characters in the chapter.
Thanks for the six star review, and for your continual support!
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
A pocket knife. That brings back memories.
I used to have a cub scout knife and one my uncle gave me.
Today, If you bring a pocket knife into a school
you'd be arrested for carrying a deadly weapon.
So I guess daredevil or not, Bruce will be charged with
terrorist activities. lol
I particularly like the section with Tina
The reference back to earlier stories with the Courage Game
and the use of descriptive physical signs to show the tension
Excellent message in:
"Courage, she decided, was not a lack of fear in the face of danger,
but facing danger in spite of your fear."
I also like the way she "thinks" through the disturbing sense
that she is being followed.
Excellent suspenseful ending, linked back to the last words
spoken by Bruce and Nancy
Well done
We'll soon learn who was following
and what Nancy and Bruce will do
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016
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A pocket knife. That brings back memories.
I used to have a cub scout knife and one my uncle gave me.
Today, If you bring a pocket knife into a school
you'd be arrested for carrying a deadly weapon.
So I guess daredevil or not, Bruce will be charged with
terrorist activities. lol
I particularly like the section with Tina
The reference back to earlier stories with the Courage Game
and the use of descriptive physical signs to show the tension
Excellent message in:
"Courage, she decided, was not a lack of fear in the face of danger,
but facing danger in spite of your fear."
I also like the way she "thinks" through the disturbing sense
that she is being followed.
Excellent suspenseful ending, linked back to the last words
spoken by Bruce and Nancy
Well done
We'll soon learn who was following
and what Nancy and Bruce will do
Comment Written 14-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016
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Thanks so much for the six stars, and the very useful comments! I tried to add more depth to this chapter, especially since the last one was lacking.
Very soon I'll post the next chapter. I'm wrestling with giving it depth as well.
Cute comment about Bruce and the knife... That would just about be right. Bruce the one who gets busted for terrorism. Haha
Again, much thanks,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-The image is good, but poor Fuzzy. The artist did a good job making it look appropriate for your story!
-This is a WOW!!! chapter. You not only gave good character description but also gave us some great suspense and descriptive detail of actions.
-The first example of that is Bruce getting Nancy to visualize the pocket knife as an extension of her arm. She then cut the ropes masterfully.
-Excellent transition from them to Tina. Good imagery in that paragraph with the road "like a diamondback rattlesnake." The reader can visualize this very well.
-A very good quote as Tina thinks about the Courage Game: "Courage, she decided, was not a lack of fear in the face of danger, but facing danger in spite of your fear."
-Good build up of suspense as Tina hears footsteps and reasons out what they could be. Unfortunately, they weren't good.
-But Tina was not going to give in.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016
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-The image is good, but poor Fuzzy. The artist did a good job making it look appropriate for your story!
-This is a WOW!!! chapter. You not only gave good character description but also gave us some great suspense and descriptive detail of actions.
-The first example of that is Bruce getting Nancy to visualize the pocket knife as an extension of her arm. She then cut the ropes masterfully.
-Excellent transition from them to Tina. Good imagery in that paragraph with the road "like a diamondback rattlesnake." The reader can visualize this very well.
-A very good quote as Tina thinks about the Courage Game: "Courage, she decided, was not a lack of fear in the face of danger, but facing danger in spite of your fear."
-Good build up of suspense as Tina hears footsteps and reasons out what they could be. Unfortunately, they weren't good.
-But Tina was not going to give in.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016
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Thank you for the glowing report, and for pointing out the improvements. I was trying to add depth not present in the last chapter. The first part of this chapter was once the end of the last one, but I cut it off. Thinking on your suggestion, I decided to do a split scene, and if think it worked out well.
As always, many thanks for your continued support and advice. Thank you, as well, for the six stars.
Take care,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome and deserving of the
'glowing report.' I think the split scene worked out very well. You are always welcome for the support and advice.
Comment from indigloaura
Oooooh. I like this! I see I'll be doing some catch up reading!
This is well crafted. One suggestion I have is to expand on the emotions each character is feeling. You have a great foundation for that, but adding a little "meat" to it would really be the icing on the cake.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016
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Oooooh. I like this! I see I'll be doing some catch up reading!
This is well crafted. One suggestion I have is to expand on the emotions each character is feeling. You have a great foundation for that, but adding a little "meat" to it would really be the icing on the cake.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016
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Thank you so much for the 4 star review. I will work on the emotions!
Rhonda
Comment from DonandVicki
I really enjoyed reading your authors notes almost as much as your continuing novel. Well done and my granddaughter loves it.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016
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I really enjoyed reading your authors notes almost as much as your continuing novel. Well done and my granddaughter loves it.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016
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Oh, good! I haven't heard from your granddaughter in a while! I'm glad she still enjoys it. I'm also glad you are continuing to read!
Thanks for the review,
Rhonda
Comment from cterp
I have been amused at Nancy and Bruce having this banter while werewolves howl in the next room, and you've played it out very nicely in this chapter. I can really hear it in my head.
Where is Bunker Hill? Boston? That famous Bunker Hill?
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2016
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I have been amused at Nancy and Bruce having this banter while werewolves howl in the next room, and you've played it out very nicely in this chapter. I can really hear it in my head.
Where is Bunker Hill? Boston? That famous Bunker Hill?
Comment Written 12-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2016
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I made up the city. It's supposed to be a suburb of Houston. To be honest, my father made it up when my sister and I were little girls. One of the things I like about fiction is the ability to just plant a city, or river or whatever wherever we want them. haha.
Anyway, I tend to throw banter in for comic relief, and because the Daredevil Girls often relieve tension that way.
Thanks for reading and leaving useful comments!
Rhonda
Comment from Heidi M
Great chapter with good use of dialogue. I loved this description: 'surrounding blanket of shadows'. My favorite line: 'Courage, she decided, was not a lack of fear in the face of danger, but facing danger in spite of your fear.'
For your consideration: you might change 'that' to 'who' "...who also happens to be a Daredevil Guy.." since it refers to a person.
Well-written chapter that leaves us wanting more!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2016
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Great chapter with good use of dialogue. I loved this description: 'surrounding blanket of shadows'. My favorite line: 'Courage, she decided, was not a lack of fear in the face of danger, but facing danger in spite of your fear.'
For your consideration: you might change 'that' to 'who' "...who also happens to be a Daredevil Guy.." since it refers to a person.
Well-written chapter that leaves us wanting more!
Comment Written 12-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Heidi! I appreciate you stopping in to review, and I hope you continue to follow the story.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Douglas Paul
Nice tension filled way to end this chapter. I also liked that you countered it with hope since Nancy and Bruce are getting free. Well done
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2016
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Nice tension filled way to end this chapter. I also liked that you countered it with hope since Nancy and Bruce are getting free. Well done
Comment Written 12-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2016
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Thank so much, Douglas. It's good to hear from you, and I know you don't have much spare time. I, also, appreciate the six star rating. My prayers continue to follow you, my friend.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh, gosh Rhonda, what a place to stop and leave us hanging, panting like a werewolf for the next chapter!! Great buildup in this one to some drama, (worse drama that is) Giddy
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2016
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Oh, gosh Rhonda, what a place to stop and leave us hanging, panting like a werewolf for the next chapter!! Great buildup in this one to some drama, (worse drama that is) Giddy
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2016
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Wow, thank you, Giddy!! I appreciate each and every star, my friend. Even more, I appreciate the comments. Love the "panting like a werewolf". Too cute.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, I truly do not know how you keep all of your characters separated! Each has a specific part in each chapter and each story in your book. This story is no different with Nancy and Bruce being tied up and trying to figure out how to get loose. I have gotten so so deep into this book that I forget these once young children are now adult in an very difficult and scary situation! It sounds !ike from Nancy and Bruce that Tina has been caught. These chapters are quite captivating with the principal turning into a witch along with her two sisters taking over and taking the students and parents as hostages with their werewolf pals!
Great chapter once again Rhonda ! Loving it!!
Take care my friend,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2016
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Rhonda, I truly do not know how you keep all of your characters separated! Each has a specific part in each chapter and each story in your book. This story is no different with Nancy and Bruce being tied up and trying to figure out how to get loose. I have gotten so so deep into this book that I forget these once young children are now adult in an very difficult and scary situation! It sounds !ike from Nancy and Bruce that Tina has been caught. These chapters are quite captivating with the principal turning into a witch along with her two sisters taking over and taking the students and parents as hostages with their werewolf pals!
Great chapter once again Rhonda ! Loving it!!
Take care my friend,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 11-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2016
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Awww, thank you, Jim! I appreciate your unending friendship and support! I, also, appreciate the way you have specified what worked for you in the story. That is more than helpful!!
I decided to split the action in this chapter as there wasn't a whole lot left to say about Nancy and Bruce that can't be told later. And I so wanted to get back to Tina. She is definitely off on an adventure worthy of her heroes, the Daredevil Girls.
Thanks again, my dear friend,
Rhonda
