Comment from tfawcus

Exceptional

A highly atmospheric villanelle! I'm glad I'm not up against it in your contest! You show how effective minor changes to the repeating lines can be to enhance the flow and de-emphasise the otherwise sometimes intrusive repetition. Your repeating lines are well-chosen to echo the voice of doom. This may raise a few hackles amongst those of blind faith - a blindness that leads people to seek comfort in the unlikely as they near the end.

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016

Thanks, Tony. I suspect the truly blind will simply close their eyes to any adverse meaning. There's only been one reviewer who expressed distaste, although others perhaps just didn't review... I know exactly what you mean about the intrusiveness of the repetition.

Steve

Comment from Bill O'Bier

Excellent

John 2:19 - Jesus answered them, "Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up." That being said, the words of your poem are expressive. Thanks for sharing this fine piece.

Wishing you all the best...
Bill~

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016

Thanks, Bill. He obviously didn't have to deal with city planning requirements!

Thanks for reviewing. Not everyone will agree with the message, but at least you got it.

Steve

Comment from Mystic Angel 7777

Excellent

This is a most powerful entry. It is perfect in meter and rhyme. I do have one question - if it is a Villanelle then should not the refrains be repeated exactly? You use "sit" instead of "ride" in one of the refrains which is why I am asking ( "I sit the storm" and I "ride the storm"). Well done and I wish you all the best in the voting.

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 Comment Written 11-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016

Thank you.

I think my notes mention that minor changes to the refrain lines are permitted. It helps a little to ease the intrusiveness of the repetition.

Steve

reply by Mystic Angel 7777 on 14-Sep-2016

Yes, I caught that after so my bad entirely. This was wonderful.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

This weekend I read my first villanelle poem. I really like them. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. I hate when they tear down the beauty of history. I wish you the best of luck with the contest.

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 Comment Written 11-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016

Thanks, Barbara.

Yes, wanton destruction is awful, although perhaps this piece is saying some things need to be torn down - and in any case we can take the temples as as being metaphotical.

Steve

Comment from I am Cat

Exceptional

Hello Steve,
I thought this was going to be a Villanelle entry for that contest (yours) but then, to see it in the Faith contest... even better. I loved this, you always have a different spin to the Faith contest and you always inspire me. Thank you for that.
I love, especially, the first repeating line:

Tear down your petty temples raised to fear,

and wondered, myself, how many of them are also raised IN fear?

Well done and great luck in the contest as well. (also, congrats on your last accepted submission I saw on FB. )
Cat

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016

Thanks, Cat.

I've decided not to enter my own contest unless there's a spot open at the end, but this was something I'd started a little while ago (and gave me the idea for the contest in the first place)

I think my words 'raised to fear' are probably synonymous to your 'raised in fear'...

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Exceptional

Constipation makes me testy, too.
You got some storm brewing!

Sorry, Steve. I'm just not used to such vehemence.
But I like it. You have a Crusade. You have a target.
Let loose the raging Storm.

I like that you've time-traveled--if not in mission, in language.
You've chosen a language appropriate to the earlier battles.
But your war rages in the present.

Tell me, what will replace the petty temples?
What comes in the aftermath of your Storm?

Yipes! I got carried away, didn't I?

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016

Thanks, Lee. Sorry for the delay in replying - first reviews in are always the last to get answered!

Yes, you'd think this might have stirred a few people up, but not so. Someone else mentioned 'blind faith.'

I did work a little more than usual on the language here - the theme seemed to deserve it. It was more to get the energy and intensity than to evoke the times, but I'm glad you found it worked in that way too.

I'm sure I've recently read a quote about kindness being the most important thing - that would do to replace all the temples in the world, although it wouldn't be enough for all those who need to have a Great Protector, or should that be a Great Scapegoat?

Steve