nose sniffing autumn (senryu)
Who's walking whom?98 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a cleverer than usual senryu as it contains for me four images:
1. Man (or woman) walks dog,
2. Dog walks man (or woman) -- the role reversal you mention.
3. Dog sniffing everywhere as they do (nose sniffing autumn)
4. Man or woman sniffing a runny nose as can happen in autumn.
To an alert judge this ought to send him/her to the voting booth. I think this is the first time I have awarde a senryu a six. It is deserving of the award.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
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This is a cleverer than usual senryu as it contains for me four images:
1. Man (or woman) walks dog,
2. Dog walks man (or woman) -- the role reversal you mention.
3. Dog sniffing everywhere as they do (nose sniffing autumn)
4. Man or woman sniffing a runny nose as can happen in autumn.
To an alert judge this ought to send him/her to the voting booth. I think this is the first time I have awarde a senryu a six. It is deserving of the award.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Pantygynt, for your generous, six star review. This is the first and may be the only six star review my poem may receive mid-week when most of the reviewers had already given out their sixes. I deeply appreciate it.
This senryu is probably the most complex I have written. I had been studying Jack Kerouac's "Book of Haikus" when my dog, Mina, got so bored of me studying poems and her not getting attention, that she dragged me not just downstairs, but around the block for a mile and a half! I had flipflops on and forgot to lock the door, but I followed her, getting an idea for this poem. When we returned, I wrote down the first of what would become ten drafts. I was not going to enter it into the contest at first, but when Mina dragged me around the block again yesterday, I paid attention to the concrete details of the experience, and then I revised and posted my poem when I returned home.
Thank you for your encouraging review.
Comment from Alchera
the chosen format is 5/7/6 instead of 5/7/5 notwithstanding the narrative storyline of the poem has been well thought and told. I really have appreciated it for its message
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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the chosen format is 5/7/6 instead of 5/7/5 notwithstanding the narrative storyline of the poem has been well thought and told. I really have appreciated it for its message
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Alchera, for your review. I double checked and my Senryu is 5-7-4, not six. I am also thrilled that "the narrative storyline" of my poem resonated with enough people for my poem to win second in the contest! Thank you for your review.
Comment from JW
Nice poem. Within it was two things I could easily relate to. 1) Nose sniffing Autumn. I have 12 month - 365-day allergies so I'm always having to deal with it. and 2) I have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel whose whole 20 lbs leads me on multiple walks throughout each day.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Nice poem. Within it was two things I could easily relate to. 1) Nose sniffing Autumn. I have 12 month - 365-day allergies so I'm always having to deal with it. and 2) I have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel whose whole 20 lbs leads me on multiple walks throughout each day.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Yes, JW, dogs who walk their "owners." I am thrilled that my poem resonated with enough dog owners and allergy sufferers for my poem to win second place in the contest. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Heidi M
Nicely done! Satire is evident with the dog walking the man. You created a picture with few words. Very good entry for this contest. Good luck!
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Nicely done! Satire is evident with the dog walking the man. You created a picture with few words. Very good entry for this contest. Good luck!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Heidi, for your generous review of my senryu which placed second in the contest. I am thrilled that my poem "created a picture with a few words." Thanks again.
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Congrats on winning 2nd place!
Comment from harmony13
Excellent Poem! The author's words are extremely creative, interesting and
delightful. The reader pondered on the words of this poem. Thank you for
the author's notes.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Excellent Poem! The author's words are extremely creative, interesting and
delightful. The reader pondered on the words of this poem. Thank you for
the author's notes.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Thank you, harmony13, for your generous review of my senryu which placed second in the contest. I am thrilled that you found my "words are extremely creative, interesting and delightful."
Comment from EricBrady
That's pretty funny, I was thinking a bigger dog though. But that's the way it goes, we say we are walking them but it usually ends up the other way around. Great picture painted, best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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That's pretty funny, I was thinking a bigger dog though. But that's the way it goes, we say we are walking them but it usually ends up the other way around. Great picture painted, best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Eric, for generous review of my dog-walking-man senryu which placed second in the contest. I am thrilled by people's response.
Comment from closetpoetjester
I always giggle when I see the pooch taking Master for a walk haha
I guess Autumn is as good a time as any...all those crispy crunchy smells...
Why puppy would be positively salivating at the scent.
Cute and playful and vivid in it's description and imagery evoked. Well done. Pic NOT required, for sure!
Cheers P
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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I always giggle when I see the pooch taking Master for a walk haha
I guess Autumn is as good a time as any...all those crispy crunchy smells...
Why puppy would be positively salivating at the scent.
Cute and playful and vivid in it's description and imagery evoked. Well done. Pic NOT required, for sure!
Cheers P
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Thank you, P., for your generous review of my senryu which placed second in the contest. I am thrilled that you found it to be "cute and playful and vivid in it's description and imagery evoked."
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is so true! LOL, I can see her sitting there helping you write this! At least she is helping you to stay healthy and fit! Excellent senyru, I can just picture you being led, or pulled? Good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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That is so true! LOL, I can see her sitting there helping you write this! At least she is helping you to stay healthy and fit! Excellent senyru, I can just picture you being led, or pulled? Good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Yes, Sandra, Mina helped me write this poem and exercise. I thought of the words during two walks. Now we walked ourselves to the second place win in the contest! Thank you for your review.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
With a lot of allergies coming out in autumn the little dog takes the old man for a walk now instead of the man takes the dog for a walk
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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With a lot of allergies coming out in autumn the little dog takes the old man for a walk now instead of the man takes the dog for a walk
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Sandra, for your review of my dog-walking-man senryu which placed second in the contest!
Comment from c_lucas
As we age, we no longer walk the dog. It walks us. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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As we age, we no longer walk the dog. It walks us. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Thank you, c_lucas, for your review of my senryu which placed second in the contest. I am glad you found this to be "a very intersting read" with "very good imagery."
