nose sniffing autumn (senryu)
Who's walking whom?98 total reviews
Comment from TAB_that's me
Cute little senryu. Yep, often the dog pulls the owner a long. I see it with my neighbors wiener dog all the time:)
Good luck in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Cute little senryu. Yep, often the dog pulls the owner a long. I see it with my neighbors wiener dog all the time:)
Good luck in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 08-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Teresa, for your review. Yes, big and little dogs often pull their owners along. Thank you also for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from Fridayauthor
As a cat owner I don't have the pleasure of walking a dog but i observe many doing so along the town beach. It's about fifty-fifty who is doing the walking.
Thi sis a nice short poem that tells this story well.
Thank you!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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As a cat owner I don't have the pleasure of walking a dog but i observe many doing so along the town beach. It's about fifty-fifty who is doing the walking.
Thi sis a nice short poem that tells this story well.
Thank you!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Yes, Fridayauthor, it is fifty fifty about who's doing the walking. Thank you for your review of "a nice short poem that tells this story well. "
Comment from cumulus365
This format meets all of the requirements of the entry. You are correct to satire on the role reversal since the dog actually leads the person rather than we always say "I'm going to walk the dog". Though you try to fit in the nature (haiku) which senryu doesn't may be something that still give two syllables and still relates to autumn but is a thing like hydrant? Just an opinion. YOurs is very nice to read and an original regarding the role reversal and for being observant as a senryu likes to give. Best.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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This format meets all of the requirements of the entry. You are correct to satire on the role reversal since the dog actually leads the person rather than we always say "I'm going to walk the dog". Though you try to fit in the nature (haiku) which senryu doesn't may be something that still give two syllables and still relates to autumn but is a thing like hydrant? Just an opinion. YOurs is very nice to read and an original regarding the role reversal and for being observant as a senryu likes to give. Best.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Thank you, cumulus365, for your review of my senryu about the role reversal. I deeply appreciate it.
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You are welcome. And congratulations on your achievement of your poem. Best.
Comment from Father Flaps
Nicely done, Mystery Poet! I also have a dog, a Cairn Terrier named "Gracie", who used to drag me around the neighborhood. She's blind now, at 13 years of age. But she always had a lot of spunk. Love the name you gave your Chihuahua... "Mina". I recall that in the movie.
Your poem says so much about your dog, and you. She loves the smells of Autumn, nose in the air, sniffing for all she's worth. So many scents. She pulls on the leash, eager to get a move on.
You love your dog, and take care of her, willing to walk her every day... and not just a short walk. Ten thousand steps is a good walk! You are "gripping" the leash. It's hard to believe that a wee pooch like that could be so strong. But they are.
And finally, I like the alliteration and humor in "role reversal".
Very well written senryu in 16 syllables! Good Luck in the contest!
cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Nicely done, Mystery Poet! I also have a dog, a Cairn Terrier named "Gracie", who used to drag me around the neighborhood. She's blind now, at 13 years of age. But she always had a lot of spunk. Love the name you gave your Chihuahua... "Mina". I recall that in the movie.
Your poem says so much about your dog, and you. She loves the smells of Autumn, nose in the air, sniffing for all she's worth. So many scents. She pulls on the leash, eager to get a move on.
You love your dog, and take care of her, willing to walk her every day... and not just a short walk. Ten thousand steps is a good walk! You are "gripping" the leash. It's hard to believe that a wee pooch like that could be so strong. But they are.
And finally, I like the alliteration and humor in "role reversal".
Very well written senryu in 16 syllables! Good Luck in the contest!
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 08-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Yes, Kimbob, I am amazed at how much I squeezed into a sixteen syllable senryu. Many reviewers have shared their own memories of spunky dogs who love smells. I almost cry when I think about the beauty of the simple moment I captured. Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from Steve Blair
I'm not that old of a man, and my dog sometimes takes me for a walk. Great visuals here. The man is getting old and the calendar year is getting old. Like it!
Keep creating.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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I'm not that old of a man, and my dog sometimes takes me for a walk. Great visuals here. The man is getting old and the calendar year is getting old. Like it!
Keep creating.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Thank you, sblair, for your review. Yes, my dog often takes me for a walk. I am glad my poem celebrated it. Thanks.
Comment from Mastery
This is absolutely great stuff, Dean. So original and humorous..This is an exmaple of what a good satirical write is all about. I wish you the best of luck in the contest, my friend. I will be rooting for you. Bob
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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This is absolutely great stuff, Dean. So original and humorous..This is an exmaple of what a good satirical write is all about. I wish you the best of luck in the contest, my friend. I will be rooting for you. Bob
Comment Written 08-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Ha, I am not Dean, but I take that as a compliment as I admire his work. I am glad you appreciated the satire of my poem. Thank you for your review, Bob, and for rooting for me/Dean in the contest.
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LOL...LOL...So sorry for not getting it right whoever you are. great stuff still.. Bob :)
Comment from Cynthia1
I enjoyed the poem. There are a lot of us out there "walking our dogs". Great excuse for being out on a crisp fall day! You seem to have met all requirements for the contest in terms of syllable count and satire. Great background color for autumn. Good luck!
Cynthia1
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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I enjoyed the poem. There are a lot of us out there "walking our dogs". Great excuse for being out on a crisp fall day! You seem to have met all requirements for the contest in terms of syllable count and satire. Great background color for autumn. Good luck!
Cynthia1
Comment Written 08-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Cynthia, for your review and for wishing me success in the contest. Yes, there are a lot of us out there "walking our dogs." : )
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You are welcome.
Cynthia1
Comment from royowen
An excellent entry in this senryu poetry writing contes, indeed for a dog to be leading an old man on a leash, I think you define toy have a chance in this contest, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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An excellent entry in this senryu poetry writing contes, indeed for a dog to be leading an old man on a leash, I think you define toy have a chance in this contest, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 08-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Roy, for your review and wishing me success in the contest. I appreciate them.
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Well done
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I love it. You've said so much in your poem. I sense the irony and the satire in your lines. I also sense the love of your pet, and how she plays an important role in your life. Your love of her shines through, as well as your love of walking. The benefits of walking, and having a pet, can not be emphasized enough, for a good quality of life. I love the first line the best. "nose sniffing autumn" is a perfect way to express both, you, and your dog's, experience. The last line, "role reversal", sums up the story within a poem, quite nicely. A few choice words say volumes! You have shown that in this delightful poem. Thanks for sharing your talent with me.
Peace, Jesse
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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I love it. You've said so much in your poem. I sense the irony and the satire in your lines. I also sense the love of your pet, and how she plays an important role in your life. Your love of her shines through, as well as your love of walking. The benefits of walking, and having a pet, can not be emphasized enough, for a good quality of life. I love the first line the best. "nose sniffing autumn" is a perfect way to express both, you, and your dog's, experience. The last line, "role reversal", sums up the story within a poem, quite nicely. A few choice words say volumes! You have shown that in this delightful poem. Thanks for sharing your talent with me.
Peace, Jesse
Comment Written 08-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2016
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Yes, Jesse, I had underestimated the ability of pets to provide love and exercise. I was reluctant to adopt her. Now we are workout partners and I enjoy our mile and a half walks in which the lines came together for this poem that went through ten drafts. I am thrilled that my "few choice words said volumes!" Thank you for your generous, six star review of my poem which just won second in the contest!
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Congratulations on winning second place in the contest! Ten drafts, you say. I can relate to that, myself. Sometimes a poem writes itself for me, but usually, I struggle through many drafts before I am satisfied. By the way, I have two cats who provide love and needed structure, in my daily life. Though they don't take walks with me every day, they are an integral part of my healthy lifestyle.
Jesse
Comment from Heather Knight
What a sweet little dog you have! They are great friends. I have one too and I love her dearly. She even appears on my profile picture here at FanStory.
You've chosen a lovely name for her.
Good senryu. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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What a sweet little dog you have! They are great friends. I have one too and I love her dearly. She even appears on my profile picture here at FanStory.
You've chosen a lovely name for her.
Good senryu. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Thank you, MJ, for your generous review and contest well-wishes. I appreciate them. Mina is a sweet little dog. Thanks.
