The Cody Schroder Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Boxcar - Part One"A collection of Cody Schroder stories
19 total reviews
Comment from light
Interesting chapter. I think your dialogue is fitting to the characters and the situation. Your ending makes the reader want more.
Elaine
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Interesting chapter. I think your dialogue is fitting to the characters and the situation. Your ending makes the reader want more.
Elaine
Comment Written 06-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Thanks for the review. Part Two will be posted soon. Be on the lookout for it.
Comment from Mary Wakeford
You've done a great job with this chapter, Brett. The reader can't help but feel for the child, while at the sane time understanding how an insignificant occurance can escalate quickly when one us under pressure such as the sheriff/dad in this story. Your scene description is on the mark.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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You've done a great job with this chapter, Brett. The reader can't help but feel for the child, while at the sane time understanding how an insignificant occurance can escalate quickly when one us under pressure such as the sheriff/dad in this story. Your scene description is on the mark.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Part Two will be posted soon. Be on the lookout for it.
Comment from barkingdog
Is this where he runs away and the clown kidnaps him? I'm just taking a guess. haha
I know you're gonna bring back that gruesome clown again.
- grabbed one to dry his wet hands [with]. (You don't need 'with'.)
:) e
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Is this where he runs away and the clown kidnaps him? I'm just taking a guess. haha
I know you're gonna bring back that gruesome clown again.
- grabbed one to dry his wet hands [with]. (You don't need 'with'.)
:) e
Comment Written 06-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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No doubt BeeBo will return...shortly. However, I can not give my story lines away. All I can say is glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Part Two will be posted soon. Be on the lookout for it. You may be surprised.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Great start with a cliff hanger ending. It's easy to see why your writing is so popular. So many writers fail to see the importance of click hangers.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Great start with a cliff hanger ending. It's easy to see why your writing is so popular. So many writers fail to see the importance of click hangers.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Part Two will be posted soon. Be on the lookout for it.
Comment from MizKat
Hi Brett,
I just love reading this chapter about Cody and what had happened under the sink. I got a big lump in my throat and if it had been longer I'd more than likely have tears in my eyes. I hope you'll keep writing more about Cody. You are really great at writing stories about him.
MizKat or Kat
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Hi Brett,
I just love reading this chapter about Cody and what had happened under the sink. I got a big lump in my throat and if it had been longer I'd more than likely have tears in my eyes. I hope you'll keep writing more about Cody. You are really great at writing stories about him.
MizKat or Kat
Comment Written 06-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Part Two will be posted soon. Be on the lookout for it.
Comment from Ricky1024
Thanks ever so much for this. And your Amazing chapter.
This was well written and presented.
Adjective Content was wonderful as well as Objective and based on theme and Imagery and on a scale of one to one hundred..
100./ $$$
I
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Thanks ever so much for this. And your Amazing chapter.
This was well written and presented.
Adjective Content was wonderful as well as Objective and based on theme and Imagery and on a scale of one to one hundred..
100./ $$$
I
Comment Written 06-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Part Two will be posted soon. Be on the lookout for it.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Here we go again and so looking forward to more Cody.
No problems noted and an excellent piece to start with.
Did we finish the last part? I feel I'm mmising something
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Here we go again and so looking forward to more Cody.
No problems noted and an excellent piece to start with.
Did we finish the last part? I feel I'm mmising something
Comment Written 06-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this part of this Short Story about Cody. Part Two will be posted soon. Be on the lookout for it.
Comment from Alex Rosel
"I was only trying to help! I didn't mean to flood the kitchen floor!' Cody told Beth. - A lovely first sentence that sets the scene well.
Trying to be sympathetic, Beth looked Cody in the eye and replied, "Your Dad's not mad at you, Cody." - Good technique, drip feeding information. In this case, the fact that the Sheriff is Cody's dad. One point, dad here should not be capitalised. Dad's not mad at you, Cody. is capitalised, it's the name of his father. Your dad's not mad at you, Cody. isn't capitalised, it's a generic, common noun name.
...The wooden handrail fastened to the wall. The decorative trimming ran the full length of the staircase. - Good imagery.
Cody sat down on the chair at his desk in the far corner of the room reflecting on everything that happened. "Was it his fault the stupid sink dripped in the first place?" he asked himself. - Nix the he asked himself, it's redundant.
"And, make sure you dry your hands on a paper towel, not a dish rag." - A lovely aside that tells so much about the characters.
And a nice conclusion.
In general, the dialogue works well; it's well-paced and reads naturally. I can tell you've been working on tightening up your writing. Well done. :-)
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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"I was only trying to help! I didn't mean to flood the kitchen floor!' Cody told Beth. - A lovely first sentence that sets the scene well.
Trying to be sympathetic, Beth looked Cody in the eye and replied, "Your Dad's not mad at you, Cody." - Good technique, drip feeding information. In this case, the fact that the Sheriff is Cody's dad. One point, dad here should not be capitalised. Dad's not mad at you, Cody. is capitalised, it's the name of his father. Your dad's not mad at you, Cody. isn't capitalised, it's a generic, common noun name.
...The wooden handrail fastened to the wall. The decorative trimming ran the full length of the staircase. - Good imagery.
Cody sat down on the chair at his desk in the far corner of the room reflecting on everything that happened. "Was it his fault the stupid sink dripped in the first place?" he asked himself. - Nix the he asked himself, it's redundant.
"And, make sure you dry your hands on a paper towel, not a dish rag." - A lovely aside that tells so much about the characters.
And a nice conclusion.
In general, the dialogue works well; it's well-paced and reads naturally. I can tell you've been working on tightening up your writing. Well done. :-)
Comment Written 06-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Part Two will be posted soon. Be on the lookout for it.
Comment from oliver818
Good start to the story here. Interesting and realistic situation and characters, I'm very interested to see what will happen next. Thanks for sharing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Good start to the story here. Interesting and realistic situation and characters, I'm very interested to see what will happen next. Thanks for sharing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
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Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Part Two will be posted soon. Be on the lookout for it.
