Dead Earth.
My idea for the end of civilization as we know it.5 total reviews
Comment from Rasmine
This is very good writing. Your descriptions are awesome, and I wanted to keep reading, but I want to read everyone's. I also want to do some writing if I have time. This was a bit long, but good luck in publishing it. Agents are interested in being pulled in by the first sentence-I think this. So show the action in the very first sentence.
I wish you luck in the contest-but I think you will win!
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2016
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This is very good writing. Your descriptions are awesome, and I wanted to keep reading, but I want to read everyone's. I also want to do some writing if I have time. This was a bit long, but good luck in publishing it. Agents are interested in being pulled in by the first sentence-I think this. So show the action in the very first sentence.
I wish you luck in the contest-but I think you will win!
Comment Written 02-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2016
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Hi, Rasmine;
Many thanks for your comment; I'm glad you liked it. Yes the chapter is long, but due to its content, I found it hard to shorten it while including everything the chapter needed. Again, thanks for your comment. Floating around Fanstory is another chapter from the novel. I hope you find the time to look for it and read it. It's a little disgusting in its content, but I rather enjoyed writing it.
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Okay. Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Robin Cook, Michael Crichton, are a few of my inspirations too--especially Stephen!
Comment from johngie
Mystery Author,
Wow, great work. It was a really good read. I'm wanting to read the other chapters now. How long have you been working on this? Just curious.
Keep up the great work and best of luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Mystery Author,
Wow, great work. It was a really good read. I'm wanting to read the other chapters now. How long have you been working on this? Just curious.
Keep up the great work and best of luck in the competition.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Thank you for your kind words, johngie. I've been working on this particular piece for roughly half a year and it's progressing quite nicely - almost five hundred pages so far and around four hundred to go. I've had one novel - Mind Games - published a few years back, but due to the publisher failing to live up to their obligations I had the contract voided and the rights reverted back to me. I'm debating whether or not to place it on FanStory. Further to the above, chapter eight is floating around here somewhere if your interested in finding it and reading it.
Comment from emptypage
Good God, this is gory! Just the way I like 'em!
I wonder. Did you research acid rain or did you just use your imagination to develop the plot line?
I liked the ending and it left me wanting to read on, which is good. I did see a few issues, though. The piece can use some editing in terms of punctuation and I saw a couple of spelling errors, as well. My biggest problem with the chapter was the very slow start. There was zero dialogue for many paragraphs, and dialogue helps so much in moving a story forward. Even when Sarah started talking, it was to herself and the lines were too few and far between. Even the exchange with Eddie lacked as much dialogue as I'd suggest.
That changed and with it the whole story went from slow to fascinating. Readers want to know what is going on, but you (and all writers) must remember the adage, "Show, don't tell." That can most easily be done by having people talk.
I think with a few changes, this could be a very strong piece. And I want to know how you get further chapters out of this if the main characters have died off---so let me know when you post the next chapter.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Good God, this is gory! Just the way I like 'em!
I wonder. Did you research acid rain or did you just use your imagination to develop the plot line?
I liked the ending and it left me wanting to read on, which is good. I did see a few issues, though. The piece can use some editing in terms of punctuation and I saw a couple of spelling errors, as well. My biggest problem with the chapter was the very slow start. There was zero dialogue for many paragraphs, and dialogue helps so much in moving a story forward. Even when Sarah started talking, it was to herself and the lines were too few and far between. Even the exchange with Eddie lacked as much dialogue as I'd suggest.
That changed and with it the whole story went from slow to fascinating. Readers want to know what is going on, but you (and all writers) must remember the adage, "Show, don't tell." That can most easily be done by having people talk.
I think with a few changes, this could be a very strong piece. And I want to know how you get further chapters out of this if the main characters have died off---so let me know when you post the next chapter.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Thanks for your great appraisal, emptypage. This is actually chapter nine of my novel. The main characters were introduced in earlier chapters; a self-imposed loner who must come to terms with his greivances against his own kind (humans) if he's to learn how to survive in a ravaged world; a single Mum with a nine year-old blind daughter (a daughter who is integral to the story); a handful of nasty individuals, and a surprise addition during the second stage of the book. As for research, yes, their was quite a bit due to the fact there are different types of acids and each react differently depending on the environment.
Comment from oliver818
This is a terrifying portrayal
Of a very nasty possible
Future, I sure hope it doesn't turn out that way! Very graphic, I can just imagine those nasty wounds. I like the way you started by ahowing how unhappy the worker was with her day, and then things just got so much worse!
Btw in Paragraph six, a word is missing- She realised just how fortunate she was and herself for her previous whims and wishes
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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This is a terrifying portrayal
Of a very nasty possible
Future, I sure hope it doesn't turn out that way! Very graphic, I can just imagine those nasty wounds. I like the way you started by ahowing how unhappy the worker was with her day, and then things just got so much worse!
Btw in Paragraph six, a word is missing- She realised just how fortunate she was and herself for her previous whims and wishes
Comment Written 02-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Thanks for your review, oliver818, it is greatly appreciated. I'll go over the chapter and rectify the missing word issue.
Comment from Craigitar
This is very well written and engaging. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop. Very graphic, detailed and imaginative. I was reminded of King's "The Mist" and Koontz's "The Taking." I definitely can see this as a full novel. Good job and luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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This is very well written and engaging. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop. Very graphic, detailed and imaginative. I was reminded of King's "The Mist" and Koontz's "The Taking." I definitely can see this as a full novel. Good job and luck with the contest.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Craigitar. I'm glad you not only read the entire chapter, but enjoyed it. I admit I was a little worried about the graphic content, but then I thought if I'm going to destroy the world and depict the struggles of those who survive in as real an environment as I can predict, I shouldn't hold back on the niceties.
