Tin Cup
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Almost An Orphan"An American Civil War vet heads west.
12 total reviews
Comment from LaRosa
Really liked the line: "All of these events flowed through my dream like..."
The descriptions of sun and water and beautiful girl make the reader feel he/she is there also.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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Really liked the line: "All of these events flowed through my dream like..."
The descriptions of sun and water and beautiful girl make the reader feel he/she is there also.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
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Thank you for your kind feedback. My wife tells me I can have my moments where I have a way with words. She also liked the line about Cherokee's nose keeping his eyes from bumping together in the chapter. Thank you so much for your feedback.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Wow, that's pretty unfortunate for Jess. He's in one heck of a mess. This siren, impish daughter seems intent on making him lose what religion he has left.
Cute story, well told, good synopsis at the beginning!!
Have a great night,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2016
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Wow, that's pretty unfortunate for Jess. He's in one heck of a mess. This siren, impish daughter seems intent on making him lose what religion he has left.
Cute story, well told, good synopsis at the beginning!!
Have a great night,
Rhonda
Comment Written 21-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2016
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Those sirens will get you in trouble every time. Thank you for the feedback.
Comment from Heidi M
Clever title for this chapter! I could picture the bathing scene clearly because you have described it well. It ties together nicely because he awakes feeling lonely and then the 'Siren' is beckoning him. It makes sense he would walk toward her. Great way to end it...'my feet moved forward of their own accord.'
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2016
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Clever title for this chapter! I could picture the bathing scene clearly because you have described it well. It ties together nicely because he awakes feeling lonely and then the 'Siren' is beckoning him. It makes sense he would walk toward her. Great way to end it...'my feet moved forward of their own accord.'
Comment Written 21-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2016
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Thank you for reading and for your kind feedback. He is surely facing temptation.
Comment from royowen
Jess has to be one of the luckiest mean alive, after being rescued by Abe Klien and his daughter Helga, after recovering from his wounds, he hears Helga singing and spots her naked bathing, she summons him, and obediently....well done, great story, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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Jess has to be one of the luckiest mean alive, after being rescued by Abe Klien and his daughter Helga, after recovering from his wounds, he hears Helga singing and spots her naked bathing, she summons him, and obediently....well done, great story, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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His luck does go up and down but he seems to come out o.k. in the end. Thank you for the feedback.
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Most welcome
Comment from Jay Squires
You nailed it, my friend. Ward, if this doesn't get nominated for book of the month, there ain't no justice. Your chapter was perfectly balanced between the nightmare and the living dream we all would fantasize over. This is elegantly written. Deserving of a six!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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You nailed it, my friend. Ward, if this doesn't get nominated for book of the month, there ain't no justice. Your chapter was perfectly balanced between the nightmare and the living dream we all would fantasize over. This is elegantly written. Deserving of a six!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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Thank you for your generous review. Your opinion of my writing means a great deal to me. Your stars will help make up for the four I got for not including any dialog.
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I actually had no intention of taking the story this far. I meant for poor ole Jess to die when Charlie showed up. Then people kept saying how they were looking forward to seeing what happened next. I suppose that can happen when you end with a cliffhanger.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Good chapter, but needs some dialog. How do two people not speak to each other? Dialog draws the reader in and makes them part of the story.
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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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Good chapter, but needs some dialog. How do two people not speak to each other? Dialog draws the reader in and makes them part of the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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Which two people were you referring to?
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I have missed this book somehow. I do enjoy stories about the old west and the civil war era. I have some catching up to do on this one. It is interesting. I am posting a story about the west if you are interested. It is in my Portfolio. "Rainbow Ridge" is the name. It needs editing. Good job. Nancy
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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I have missed this book somehow. I do enjoy stories about the old west and the civil war era. I have some catching up to do on this one. It is interesting. I am posting a story about the west if you are interested. It is in my Portfolio. "Rainbow Ridge" is the name. It needs editing. Good job. Nancy
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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Thank you for reading my story. I will have to check out yours.
Comment from robyn corum
Uh oh. I DON'T think that's what the father meant when he said watch after his daughter. This could pose some awful big problems later....
Nice chapter. I like this character. I like how he talks in the ways of the times he was living in. Good job!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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Uh oh. I DON'T think that's what the father meant when he said watch after his daughter. This could pose some awful big problems later....
Nice chapter. I like this character. I like how he talks in the ways of the times he was living in. Good job!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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No, he probably did not mean for Jess to watch quite so much of her. Thank you for reading.
Comment from barkingdog
It DOES look like Jess' luck has changed unless Abe tries to shoot him for being with Helga. However, it appears that she's taken by Jess just as much as he is by her.
I wonder what's in store for him now.
:) e
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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It DOES look like Jess' luck has changed unless Abe tries to shoot him for being with Helga. However, it appears that she's taken by Jess just as much as he is by her.
I wonder what's in store for him now.
:) e
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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I'm sure he is hoping Abe takes his time coming back home. thank you for reading.
Comment from c_lucas
It is best to turn and look away, but some women will get insulted if you do. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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It is best to turn and look away, but some women will get insulted if you do. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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I think he was telling himself he should really be looking the other way, though she doesn't seem to mind. Thank you for reading.
