Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 61 "CHAPTER TREINTA Y DOS, Part DOS"Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
32 total reviews
Comment from davidray
hi, Barbara. It's been a while.
I enjoyed this read very much. Your writing has tightened up a bit as I recall from earlier. Good stuff. Just one thing to bring to your attention, please:
... an older truck leaving and heading in the direction of the ranch
In my humbled opinion, I'd remove: leaving and
Keep smiling. :)
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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hi, Barbara. It's been a while.
I enjoyed this read very much. Your writing has tightened up a bit as I recall from earlier. Good stuff. Just one thing to bring to your attention, please:
... an older truck leaving and heading in the direction of the ranch
In my humbled opinion, I'd remove: leaving and
Keep smiling. :)
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I agree thank you for pointing it out. I am glad to see you're back. I've had people tell me to use more verbs ending with 'ing'. I told them that's not correct. LOL I remembered your lessons. Thank you.
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It's always nice when one can leave a positive impression. Thank you, Barbara. :)
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It's always nice when one can leave a positive impression. Thank you, Barbara. :)
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Another very good chapter. I sense we are getting near the end as things sem to be getting sorted out and wrapped up. Have a good week, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Another very good chapter. I sense we are getting near the end as things sem to be getting sorted out and wrapped up. Have a good week, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 31-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from rama devi
As usual, this is well paced with dialog that enhances characterization and fine bits of narrative to enhance the scene as well. It draws the reader in. Jut a few spags noted. No other major nits.
NOTES:
*from previous post:
With silence, (no ,) but teeth showing, Mack stared back.
*"You're not Soni's boyfriend(,) and I don't like being lied to."
*
"I figured you'd think that.(,)" Jim continued(,) grinning.
Now, if you did not intend that as a speech tag but that he was continuing to grin, I suggest:
"I figured you'd think that." Jim kept grinning.
* He walked away from his prisoner,(no ,) but kept the rifle aimed at him. "
No comma before conjunctions unless there is an independent clause. :)
Good job, again!
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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As usual, this is well paced with dialog that enhances characterization and fine bits of narrative to enhance the scene as well. It draws the reader in. Jut a few spags noted. No other major nits.
NOTES:
*from previous post:
With silence, (no ,) but teeth showing, Mack stared back.
*"You're not Soni's boyfriend(,) and I don't like being lied to."
*
"I figured you'd think that.(,)" Jim continued(,) grinning.
Now, if you did not intend that as a speech tag but that he was continuing to grin, I suggest:
"I figured you'd think that." Jim kept grinning.
* He walked away from his prisoner,(no ,) but kept the rifle aimed at him. "
No comma before conjunctions unless there is an independent clause. :)
Good job, again!
Love,
rd
Comment Written 31-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I appreciate your kind review. I absolutely hate commas. The rules make no sense to me. I can't get my head wrapped around the,m. Corrections made.
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:-)))
Comment from Ben Colder
Seems to be packed with drama, Jim is a remarkable fellow. Piolet, marksman, and handy with a knife. Good catch for our main character. Well done, Barb, I see nothing wrong.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Seems to be packed with drama, Jim is a remarkable fellow. Piolet, marksman, and handy with a knife. Good catch for our main character. Well done, Barb, I see nothing wrong.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Sasha
Great work with this chapter. I really like it when Jim shoots Sanchez in the leg...great incentive to cooperate. I just returned from my three-day trip to the mountains and found at least 2,000 posts in my inbox...okay, a slight exaggeration, but I am not going to be able to play catch up and will have to delete many. I am glad I didn't delete this one.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Great work with this chapter. I really like it when Jim shoots Sanchez in the leg...great incentive to cooperate. I just returned from my three-day trip to the mountains and found at least 2,000 posts in my inbox...okay, a slight exaggeration, but I am not going to be able to play catch up and will have to delete many. I am glad I didn't delete this one.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. Good continuation of your novel. All inclusive, even though the chapters are small, how many final chapters will there be? Just curious. Average is eight pages to a chapter....34 to,36 chapters if that's any help.
Good images as per the usual from you: ""Of course, I did. You told me to. If I wanted you dead, well you'd be dead. It's only a flesh wound. Get up and quit whining before I do it again." Jim used the rifle to motion for Miguel to stand. "Get moving."
Suggestions: " flew a good distance behind the suspect. I hope he doesn't suspect I'm following him. (change one of these "suspect" uses to prevent the repetitive sound in the sentence.)
Also: Who is he saying this to? ""They must be switching lookouts, but why didn't they leave somebody there? Maybe they did, and I didn't see him." Or if it's a thought--it should be in italics.
Good job, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Hi, Barbara. Good continuation of your novel. All inclusive, even though the chapters are small, how many final chapters will there be? Just curious. Average is eight pages to a chapter....34 to,36 chapters if that's any help.
Good images as per the usual from you: ""Of course, I did. You told me to. If I wanted you dead, well you'd be dead. It's only a flesh wound. Get up and quit whining before I do it again." Jim used the rifle to motion for Miguel to stand. "Get moving."
Suggestions: " flew a good distance behind the suspect. I hope he doesn't suspect I'm following him. (change one of these "suspect" uses to prevent the repetitive sound in the sentence.)
Also: Who is he saying this to? ""They must be switching lookouts, but why didn't they leave somebody there? Maybe they did, and I didn't see him." Or if it's a thought--it should be in italics.
Good job, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 30-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Correction made. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from boxergirl
Wow...Jim is not pkaying around...shooting Miguel in the leg was pretty funny since he had said shoot me.
Looks like he has a plan to get him to talk. :-)
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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Wow...Jim is not pkaying around...shooting Miguel in the leg was pretty funny since he had said shoot me.
Looks like he has a plan to get him to talk. :-)
Comment Written 30-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Annette Gulliver
It looks like Jim has got his man, but now he has to make him talk. A good move by shooting him in the leg, it may make Miguel think twice about resisting. I like the mention of the Apache tear for protection. Jim seems grateful for it. I found no spags to mention.
Annette :-)
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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It looks like Jim has got his man, but now he has to make him talk. A good move by shooting him in the leg, it may make Miguel think twice about resisting. I like the mention of the Apache tear for protection. Jim seems grateful for it. I found no spags to mention.
Annette :-)
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Loren (7)
I can so identify with changing the story as I edit and re-edit and getting totally lost in what I am doing! But looks like you did fine here. I especially like the confrontation with Miguel and Miguel's haughty disbelief - good characterization. Like, too Jim acknowlement of the Apache Tear. Loren
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I can so identify with changing the story as I edit and re-edit and getting totally lost in what I am doing! But looks like you did fine here. I especially like the confrontation with Miguel and Miguel's haughty disbelief - good characterization. Like, too Jim acknowlement of the Apache Tear. Loren
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I appreciate your generous review.
Comment from Heidi M
I'm new to this site so this chapter is the first I've read of your work. Since I live in Texas just off I-35, I can relate to what is happening in this story. The scene between Jim & Miguel was written well. I could hear Jim confronting Miguel and I jumped a little when he fired the shot into Miguel's leg. Even though I haven't read any other chapters, I have taken an instant dislike to Miguel so I might have been giving Jim the "thumbs up" sign when he got a little trigger happy.
I noticed a few SPAG issues, but they will be easy to fix.
Thanks for sharing your writing and keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I'm new to this site so this chapter is the first I've read of your work. Since I live in Texas just off I-35, I can relate to what is happening in this story. The scene between Jim & Miguel was written well. I could hear Jim confronting Miguel and I jumped a little when he fired the shot into Miguel's leg. Even though I haven't read any other chapters, I have taken an instant dislike to Miguel so I might have been giving Jim the "thumbs up" sign when he got a little trigger happy.
I noticed a few SPAG issues, but they will be easy to fix.
Thanks for sharing your writing and keep up the good work!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
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I appreciate your kind review. I am in Texas, too, just off I35.
