Lila Bea Stacey
First kiss with a stranger9 total reviews
Comment from Judy Couch
Sounds like he was completely infatuated from the first moment he met her. Some of his reactions are a little too mature for a kid. For example, a kid probably wouldn't notice that the legs were "in desperate need of the sun's touch," That's an adult description. I liked his shyness at the beginning.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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Sounds like he was completely infatuated from the first moment he met her. Some of his reactions are a little too mature for a kid. For example, a kid probably wouldn't notice that the legs were "in desperate need of the sun's touch," That's an adult description. I liked his shyness at the beginning.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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Thank you Judy For the awesome review my friend.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from BeasPeas
I think there are some romances that DO spark as youngsters. I know a couple of them myself. Written well, charming. An innocent first kiss. Much luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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I think there are some romances that DO spark as youngsters. I know a couple of them myself. Written well, charming. An innocent first kiss. Much luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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Me too Marilyn! Thank you for the awesome review my friend.
God bless!
Comment from Heather Knight
What a cute story, what cute characters and what a cute first kiss.
I love the picture you've chosen to go with it. It's most appropriate.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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What a cute story, what cute characters and what a cute first kiss.
I love the picture you've chosen to go with it. It's most appropriate.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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Thank you M J for the awesome review.
God bless!
Comment from Bill Schott
The hundred- word story about a first kiss, Lila Bea Stacey, is a cute scene with a precocious boy and his sudden infatuation with a certain girl. May be part of a real story. Fun little read.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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The hundred- word story about a first kiss, Lila Bea Stacey, is a cute scene with a precocious boy and his sudden infatuation with a certain girl. May be part of a real story. Fun little read.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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Thank you Bill for the awesome review. I had fun with the restraints on this one. I am sure this has happened to a boy or two in this world lol.
God bless!
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Perfect. Good luck in the contest. My entry is, First Kiss, I know, very imaginative. So, I guess we'll meet in the ring. May the best man win. I only say that because you're a girl.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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Perfect. Good luck in the contest. My entry is, First Kiss, I know, very imaginative. So, I guess we'll meet in the ring. May the best man win. I only say that because you're a girl.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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LOL! I am not a girl. Thank you for the awesome review my friend.
Best of luck in the votes.
God bless!
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Why were you kissing a girl?
Comment from rspoet
A fine entry for the flash contest
Tongue tied at an early age
but not lip tied it seems
A kiss is worth a thousand words
or in this case, a hundred words
Perfect picture to match poem
Well done
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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A fine entry for the flash contest
Tongue tied at an early age
but not lip tied it seems
A kiss is worth a thousand words
or in this case, a hundred words
Perfect picture to match poem
Well done
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 28-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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Thank you rspoet for the awesome review . I always enjoy hearing from you.
God bless!
Comment from F. Wehr3
Cute story. I really enjoyed this piece. I found a couple of things for your consideration.
The rusty old Chevrolet door moaned as it opened.--suggest a comma after rusty
A pair of pale legs in desperate need of the suns touch, stretched to the sandy floor. --sun's should be possessive. If your going to use the comma before stretched, I would recommend offsetting commas (one after legs), but you can delete the comma if you wish.
"Um hey there." was all I was able to muster. -- Suggest comma after Um and there.
"I'm Lila Bea Stacey." She boasted. -- suggest a comma after Stacey and lower case she. It's a speech tag.
"What is your name?" She asked as she plopped down beside me. -- suggest lower case she. A different type of speech tag.
Take care and good luck,
Russell
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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Cute story. I really enjoyed this piece. I found a couple of things for your consideration.
The rusty old Chevrolet door moaned as it opened.--suggest a comma after rusty
A pair of pale legs in desperate need of the suns touch, stretched to the sandy floor. --sun's should be possessive. If your going to use the comma before stretched, I would recommend offsetting commas (one after legs), but you can delete the comma if you wish.
"Um hey there." was all I was able to muster. -- Suggest comma after Um and there.
"I'm Lila Bea Stacey." She boasted. -- suggest a comma after Stacey and lower case she. It's a speech tag.
"What is your name?" She asked as she plopped down beside me. -- suggest lower case she. A different type of speech tag.
Take care and good luck,
Russell
Comment Written 28-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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Thank you Russell for the awesome review editing suggestions. I certainly took them and changed issues. I definitely need help in the editing department lol.
God bless!
Comment from lancellot
Very nice. I would only suggest a few changes.
note:
A pair of pale legs in desperate need of the {suns} touch,
- should be: sun's
"Um hey there{,}" was all I was able to muster.
- change
"I'm Lila Bea Stacey[,]" {she} boasted. "What is your name?" {she} asked as she plopped down beside me.
- change
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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Very nice. I would only suggest a few changes.
note:
A pair of pale legs in desperate need of the {suns} touch,
- should be: sun's
"Um hey there{,}" was all I was able to muster.
- change
"I'm Lila Bea Stacey[,]" {she} boasted. "What is your name?" {she} asked as she plopped down beside me.
- change
Comment Written 28-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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Thank you lancellot for the awesome review and edits my friend. I really need to take some classes lol!
God bless!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"suns" should be "sun's".
Nothing like the first kiss.
Especially when you are tongue-tied and have nothing to say.
Should be an interesting entry into this contest.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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"suns" should be "sun's".
Nothing like the first kiss.
Especially when you are tongue-tied and have nothing to say.
Should be an interesting entry into this contest.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016
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You know, I knew that but for some reason I overlook those darned apostrophes every time. Thank you for the awesome review my friend.
God bless!
