BeeBo
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Face That Runs The Place"BeeBo The Clown terrorizes Portland, Oregon
20 total reviews
Comment from F. Wehr3
It's definitely an interesting beginning. Not sure it's for me, but I thought the story was well written. Good luck with the book.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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It's definitely an interesting beginning. Not sure it's for me, but I thought the story was well written. Good luck with the book.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the book.
Comment from Ricky1024
To,kill at,wil is,a gift from Satan.
Perhaps a demon from He'll?
Oh well, under the,'EVIL CLOWNS SPELL!
Ran out of Sixe..
You owe me.
Ricky.....
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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To,kill at,wil is,a gift from Satan.
Perhaps a demon from He'll?
Oh well, under the,'EVIL CLOWNS SPELL!
Ran out of Sixe..
You owe me.
Ricky.....
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2016
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Thanks for the review.
Glad you enjoyed this part of the story.
And, the six "you ran out of". That happens.
Personally, I believe we should be able to give as many sixes as we want to, not be limited to just six of them a month.
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True if,your works warrant it.
Ricky
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
A clown killer, eh? What a terrible way to go. I think just the sight of a clown, any clown, would give me a stroke... who needs a slit throat? :)
Detective Holt tossed the bills he'd extracted out of his mailbox upon arriving home that evening onto the kitchen table.
That sentence is disorganized and confusing. See if you can rearrange it or break it up into manageable parts.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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A clown killer, eh? What a terrible way to go. I think just the sight of a clown, any clown, would give me a stroke... who needs a slit throat? :)
Detective Holt tossed the bills he'd extracted out of his mailbox upon arriving home that evening onto the kitchen table.
That sentence is disorganized and confusing. See if you can rearrange it or break it up into manageable parts.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story.
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Brett, this an excellent story and chapter. Is Detective Holtngoing to be the main character in this gruesome storyline? I am looking forward to more of these top shelf stories. Well penned my friend,,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Brett, this an excellent story and chapter. Is Detective Holtngoing to be the main character in this gruesome storyline? I am looking forward to more of these top shelf stories. Well penned my friend,,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 31-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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He is the protagonist. Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Stay tuned much more to come.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Brett, so BeeBo is continuing his killing spree where ever the circus takes him. So Holt is on the case, but it's debatable who is hunting who.
If I may suggest. I would have liked to see some more showing rather than telling, using our five senses. I'm waiting for what happens next. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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Hi Brett, so BeeBo is continuing his killing spree where ever the circus takes him. So Holt is on the case, but it's debatable who is hunting who.
If I may suggest. I would have liked to see some more showing rather than telling, using our five senses. I'm waiting for what happens next. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 31-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Stay tuned. Much more to come.
Comment from light
You certainly have ever hooked. It looks like the detective has his work cut out for him, but he may have a clue. Looking forward to the next chapter
Elaine
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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You certainly have ever hooked. It looks like the detective has his work cut out for him, but he may have a clue. Looking forward to the next chapter
Elaine
Comment Written 30-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this story. Much more to come so stay tuned.
Comment from Alex Rosel
So, sit back. Relax. Kick your shoes off. Prop your feet up. And enjoy. - I'd nix this; it draws the readers temporarily away from the plot.
It did not matter which of the three subspecies of the two-legged variety he encountered. Man, woman, or child. - I love this. Referencing gender and age as a subspecies is neat :-)
The best part of his diabolical plot, as he saw it any way, was no one even suspected he could be the villain. - Should be anyway; one word.
He was an equal opportunity killer. - In these politically correct times, a nice description ;-)
"Miss me?" the all-too-familiar voice tauntingly asked. - Where possible, I avoid adverbs in dialogue tags. For me, this is tighter and stronger, "Miss me?" the familiar voice taunted.
So far more unanswered questions remained than what had been resolved. - Nix the what.
Something caught his eye. Had he found the missing link? - Neat cliffhanger :-)
If you want to experiment, you could rewrite this with more showing rather than telling. It might be interesting to see if you could increase the impact of this story by doing so.
Generally, this has potential to interest me, but I think it needs a spot of revision and editing to tighten it up.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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So, sit back. Relax. Kick your shoes off. Prop your feet up. And enjoy. - I'd nix this; it draws the readers temporarily away from the plot.
It did not matter which of the three subspecies of the two-legged variety he encountered. Man, woman, or child. - I love this. Referencing gender and age as a subspecies is neat :-)
The best part of his diabolical plot, as he saw it any way, was no one even suspected he could be the villain. - Should be anyway; one word.
He was an equal opportunity killer. - In these politically correct times, a nice description ;-)
"Miss me?" the all-too-familiar voice tauntingly asked. - Where possible, I avoid adverbs in dialogue tags. For me, this is tighter and stronger, "Miss me?" the familiar voice taunted.
So far more unanswered questions remained than what had been resolved. - Nix the what.
Something caught his eye. Had he found the missing link? - Neat cliffhanger :-)
If you want to experiment, you could rewrite this with more showing rather than telling. It might be interesting to see if you could increase the impact of this story by doing so.
Generally, this has potential to interest me, but I think it needs a spot of revision and editing to tighten it up.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this story. Suggestions appreciated. And, where necessary, edits were made.
Comment from dmt1967
This is so cool. You need to write the rest, now. I need to know who it is and how they caught him. Did he kill again? Did the child die or was he saved? You can't leave it there lol. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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This is so cool. You need to write the rest, now. I need to know who it is and how they caught him. Did he kill again? Did the child die or was he saved? You can't leave it there lol. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this story. Much more to come so stay tuned.
Comment from Bill O'Bier
An intense story-I can't wait to find out what happens next. Please post a follow up soon!. Thanks for sharing.
Wishing you all the best...
Bill
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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An intense story-I can't wait to find out what happens next. Please post a follow up soon!. Thanks for sharing.
Wishing you all the best...
Bill
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this story. Much more to come so stay tuned.
Comment from barkingdog
Your set up is excellent.
We know the protagonist and antagonist and they are more than aware of each other.
With the killer's return to Portland, Holt is back on the hunt but he still has his sick son on his mind.
He sees a clue in a folder ... nice place to keep the reader hanging, waiting for more.
:) e
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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Your set up is excellent.
We know the protagonist and antagonist and they are more than aware of each other.
With the killer's return to Portland, Holt is back on the hunt but he still has his sick son on his mind.
He sees a clue in a folder ... nice place to keep the reader hanging, waiting for more.
:) e
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this story. Much more to come so stay tuned. But, you already know that.
