Scenes
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Scene at a Fast Food Restaurant"Pons and Ned meet at different locations
17 total reviews
Comment from zekeziemann
The language written is very clever and the pace of the conversation is good and entertaining, Scripts are difficult and I have a tough time with dialogue that I write in Westerns.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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The language written is very clever and the pace of the conversation is good and entertaining, Scripts are difficult and I have a tough time with dialogue that I write in Westerns.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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I know what you mean. Ned is a little bit of a dozen dialects of southern and western language. When I read Huckleberry Finn for the tenth or eleventh time, I discovered that Twain did vary the vernacular of regional characters as the protagonists ventured further south and west on the river.
Comment from Marge Setzer
I just read some of your earlier scripts and noticed some change in dialect. Has Pons been taking speech lessons? I find he's easier to translate now. These cousins must be adults, at least Ned is. Makes me curious as to Pon's background. Your characters are a good match as I've said before - and yes, I know this is fiction. I'm sure the McDonald's crowd would enjoy this. Marge
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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I just read some of your earlier scripts and noticed some change in dialect. Has Pons been taking speech lessons? I find he's easier to translate now. These cousins must be adults, at least Ned is. Makes me curious as to Pon's background. Your characters are a good match as I've said before - and yes, I know this is fiction. I'm sure the McDonald's crowd would enjoy this. Marge
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Pons should be the straight man, mid-western flat accent. Ned is a moving target who has moved up and down the map on vernacular. Eventually I?ll firm him up across the twenty-something scenes.
Comment from Susan Burger
Interesting scene. I see you say you're working on Ned's dialect. I think dialect would be a tricky thing, good luck with figuring out what suits your character and how to make it come across to the reader. I think you are on the right track with it - however I am from the northeast!
Sounds like Ned is not altogether with it! I think this scene is believable. I see there are more chapters to this. I will have to go back and check some out.
I see you are at the #1 Spot in script writing! Wow way to go- Continued good luck in your writing!
Susan
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Interesting scene. I see you say you're working on Ned's dialect. I think dialect would be a tricky thing, good luck with figuring out what suits your character and how to make it come across to the reader. I think you are on the right track with it - however I am from the northeast!
Sounds like Ned is not altogether with it! I think this scene is believable. I see there are more chapters to this. I will have to go back and check some out.
I see you are at the #1 Spot in script writing! Wow way to go- Continued good luck in your writing!
Susan
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Thanks, Susan.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
An English muffin! lol, we eat the good old full English breakfast of... Fried eggs, bacon, sausage, black pudding, beans, hash, and loads of toast, butter and marmalade!! LOL, it's a killer breakfast and one I would eat probably once a year to last me all day! I love your script, poor Ned! Now, what are 'grits'? We put that on the road when Ice is due! LOL. xx
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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An English muffin! lol, we eat the good old full English breakfast of... Fried eggs, bacon, sausage, black pudding, beans, hash, and loads of toast, butter and marmalade!! LOL, it's a killer breakfast and one I would eat probably once a year to last me all day! I love your script, poor Ned! Now, what are 'grits'? We put that on the road when Ice is due! LOL. xx
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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Grits are hominy grits, a kind of corn relative. Very popular in the South. No one eats it up North. I've heard that British breakfasts are killer.
Comment from DonandVicki
"Samich" I haven't heard that would since I left the Midwest. A very fun script that engages the reader and good visuals. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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"Samich" I haven't heard that would since I left the Midwest. A very fun script that engages the reader and good visuals. Nicely done.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016
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Thank you, DonandVick, for the kind review. Bill
Comment from Heather Knight
You've managed to write a fun script here. The transcription of the accent is very accurate and you've done a good job of showing how thick Ned is.
The final result is natural and at the same time hilarious.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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You've managed to write a fun script here. The transcription of the accent is very accurate and you've done a good job of showing how thick Ned is.
The final result is natural and at the same time hilarious.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Thank you, MJ, for the kind review. Bill
Comment from djsaxon
Nah. Pons and his cousin are in sugar land. Love that it all comes down to a muffin. Great depiction of the downward spiralling options. I refuse to go there. DJ
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Nah. Pons and his cousin are in sugar land. Love that it all comes down to a muffin. Great depiction of the downward spiralling options. I refuse to go there. DJ
Comment Written 26-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Thank you, dj, for giving this a look. I swear, Ned gets dumber every time I see him.
Comment from Ulla
Love this spoof. So they go to a McDonald's which is awful on any day and end up comparing it to English breakfast which as bad on any other day. No winners here. Love it. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Love this spoof. So they go to a McDonald's which is awful on any day and end up comparing it to English breakfast which as bad on any other day. No winners here. Love it. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Ulla, for this nice review. Bill
Comment from barkingdog
I enjoyed your punch line. It's true the food is terrible in England. At least it was when I visited, many years ago.
I don't have any suggestions. Your dialogue was natural and transitioned smoothly between the speakers.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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I enjoyed your punch line. It's true the food is terrible in England. At least it was when I visited, many years ago.
I don't have any suggestions. Your dialogue was natural and transitioned smoothly between the speakers.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Thank you, BD, for the kind review. Bill
Comment from nomi338
There is no fool like one dedicated to being a fool. Some who are unaware, seem to prefer being unaware and despite your best efforts to make them aware, they blissfully go about their way spreading misunderstanding everywhere they go.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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There is no fool like one dedicated to being a fool. Some who are unaware, seem to prefer being unaware and despite your best efforts to make them aware, they blissfully go about their way spreading misunderstanding everywhere they go.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Thank you, nomi, for giving his a look. Bill
