While You Sleep
Free verse17 total reviews
Comment from jlsavell
Allison78, I do believe this is the second time I have read your beautiful work. I am going to have to fan you. You are quite talented and your poetic voice is like soft romantic lullabies. Incredible. Jlsavell
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Allison78, I do believe this is the second time I have read your beautiful work. I am going to have to fan you. You are quite talented and your poetic voice is like soft romantic lullabies. Incredible. Jlsavell
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my work, thank you so much, I'm glad you like my poems!
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi this is a mixture of nature and passion and a fight to keep awake to enjoy them all. Beautifully intertwined to produce a tender writing.
Benny Beeharry
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Hi this is a mixture of nature and passion and a fight to keep awake to enjoy them all. Beautifully intertwined to produce a tender writing.
Benny Beeharry
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the review, I really appreciate it!
Comment from oliver818
Nice poem. I like the way it flows,it really seems to work.
The night imagery is quite beautiful and really sets the scene for the second half of the poem.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Nice poem. I like the way it flows,it really seems to work.
The night imagery is quite beautiful and really sets the scene for the second half of the poem.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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I'm so glad you like the imagery and you think it works well. Thank you!
Comment from Alex Rosel
A delightful poem.
As the sounds of late summer is very evocative. The use of late foreshadows what is to come. And, yes, to reinforce your sentiment you go on to write Foretelling fall. Excellent crafting.
Further, your last line, The ticking of the clock never stops, beautifully encapsulates the theme of the entire poem. A great way to conclude :-)
The only thing that detracts a little for me is your first line, My heavy lids flutter . Heavy eyelids are somewhat cliché when used in connection to being sleepy, or floating off to sleep. If this was my work, I'd look to reword that with something stronger.
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for posting it :-)
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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A delightful poem.
As the sounds of late summer is very evocative. The use of late foreshadows what is to come. And, yes, to reinforce your sentiment you go on to write Foretelling fall. Excellent crafting.
Further, your last line, The ticking of the clock never stops, beautifully encapsulates the theme of the entire poem. A great way to conclude :-)
The only thing that detracts a little for me is your first line, My heavy lids flutter . Heavy eyelids are somewhat cliché when used in connection to being sleepy, or floating off to sleep. If this was my work, I'd look to reword that with something stronger.
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for posting it :-)
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the review and the suggestion!
Comment from MacMhuirich
Nicely written with wonderful imagery, the sounds, the climate and I love the mention of the clock. A good write on the noticeable changes of the seasons.
Bless you
John
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Nicely written with wonderful imagery, the sounds, the climate and I love the mention of the clock. A good write on the noticeable changes of the seasons.
Bless you
John
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Spiritual Echo
To enjoy the moment, the season is a gift. Trying not to run ahead or look too far behind is a discipline, but if adopted will offer everyday choice. But yes, the clock keeps ticking.
Very well done.
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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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To enjoy the moment, the season is a gift. Trying not to run ahead or look too far behind is a discipline, but if adopted will offer everyday choice. But yes, the clock keeps ticking.
Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the review!
Comment from KyColonel Randal
You brought me there: "Frogs, cicadas and crickets / An occasional owl" -- they have been lulling sounds for me on many occasions. I've almost always lived in the country, and when I was growing up, my grandparents owned a farm. Once you have children, the night time can be the only time for peace and quiet. Despite your need for rest, sometimes you just really want to stay up and enjoy it. My wife and I have both often fought the battle between peace and sleep after the children have gone to bed and the only remaining sounds are the sounds of nature. Thank you for sharing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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You brought me there: "Frogs, cicadas and crickets / An occasional owl" -- they have been lulling sounds for me on many occasions. I've almost always lived in the country, and when I was growing up, my grandparents owned a farm. Once you have children, the night time can be the only time for peace and quiet. Despite your need for rest, sometimes you just really want to stay up and enjoy it. My wife and I have both often fought the battle between peace and sleep after the children have gone to bed and the only remaining sounds are the sounds of nature. Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for the review, I appreciate it!
