Lightning Flash (661 Words)
Life changes in seconds.8 total reviews
Comment from William Ross
Nice very nicely written, yes life can change in a split second, one of the amazing wonders of this world, always happens just when you think you are safe. Nicely written, Well done, have a wonderful day.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
  |
Nice very nicely written, yes life can change in a split second, one of the amazing wonders of this world, always happens just when you think you are safe. Nicely written, Well done, have a wonderful day.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
-
Thank you very much. It is sad but true that the earth could explode at any moment. But I enjoy life the way it is. Thank you william always good to hear from you .
Comment from F. Wehr3
Tragic story. I felt the emptiness of the character. As if she could just go back to her normal routine. Very surreal. I found on thing for your consideration.
"I told you, it doesn't matter to me, I am going to do it my way."--Suggest a period after me.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
|
Tragic story. I felt the emptiness of the character. As if she could just go back to her normal routine. Very surreal. I found on thing for your consideration.
"I told you, it doesn't matter to me, I am going to do it my way."--Suggest a period after me.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 25-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
-
Thank you so much. Especially for the correction. I do need editing. I appreciate your empathy for the character. It is so sad.
Comment from winnona
Well written, creative and imaginative. You did well completing the challenge of this contest. Very realistic. The dogs were a great addition to the story. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
|
Well written, creative and imaginative. You did well completing the challenge of this contest. Very realistic. The dogs were a great addition to the story. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
-
thank you so much.. Imagine how you would feel alone in the new non world. They did love each other.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements beautifully and is SPAG free making for a smooth read. So sad that the last words spoken are a dispute over how to load the dishwasher, but that is life as we live it these days. I thought Spirit and Precious a lovely touch and was happy they both made it through. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
|
This meets the contest requirements beautifully and is SPAG free making for a smooth read. So sad that the last words spoken are a dispute over how to load the dishwasher, but that is life as we live it these days. I thought Spirit and Precious a lovely touch and was happy they both made it through. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
-
thank you mystic. This would be very sad but they love each other that much is obvious. thank you for your encouraging words. Those are actually our real puppies.
-
I will add Spirit and Precious to my morning and evening prayers as our pets are as much a part of our families as any human can be. I know as mine lights up my world too :). Best wishes in the voting.
Comment from robyn corum
Well, this is a tragic story, for sure. Makes me wonder what will happen to the woman and her puppies now that the story has ended...
I noticed a few things you may want to check out. I hope you won't mind me pointing them out, especially before the piece goes to judging.. *smile* It may help out? Remember, you're welcome to use these or toss them, as you like!
1.) Second (l)ight(ning). Followed by (an) (enormous) blast.
2.) Front of house has eleven(-)inch (thick) walls.
--> otherwise, you're describing VERY short walls (in height)
3.) Stones, (huge?) rocks artistically placed by a mason.
4.) Precious, our young Jack (Russell) Terrier, finds me in the bathroom.
Please let me know when/if you revise, and I will happily revisit and re-rate.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
 |
Well, this is a tragic story, for sure. Makes me wonder what will happen to the woman and her puppies now that the story has ended...
I noticed a few things you may want to check out. I hope you won't mind me pointing them out, especially before the piece goes to judging.. *smile* It may help out? Remember, you're welcome to use these or toss them, as you like!
1.) Second (l)ight(ning). Followed by (an) (enormous) blast.
2.) Front of house has eleven(-)inch (thick) walls.
--> otherwise, you're describing VERY short walls (in height)
3.) Stones, (huge?) rocks artistically placed by a mason.
4.) Precious, our young Jack (Russell) Terrier, finds me in the bathroom.
Please let me know when/if you revise, and I will happily revisit and re-rate.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
-
thank you so much. I love your suggestions. I think it is so important to help me change the little things that keep it from be right. Thank you so much
Comment from frogbook
This is the better offering I have read so far. A person would likely get to the point of-well what else can I do and when one does who to comfort us more than our dogs.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
|
This is the better offering I have read so far. A person would likely get to the point of-well what else can I do and when one does who to comfort us more than our dogs.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
-
thank you, Yes it would be sad but what would you do The world has crashed. might as well snuggle with dogs.
Comment from Saramac
I enjoyed reading this piece.
It's atmospheric, haunting, scary. The tension kept me reading until the end to find out what had happened. The short, staccato sentences cleverly help build the tension.
The opening is good in that it shows the elderly couple arguing, as they've probably done for decades. As with all disasters, they strike without warning, not giving us time to say sorry for arguing, time to say our goodbyes.
The lines in between paragraphs are strange, I'm not sure what purpose they serve.
There's a lot happened in the 661 words, and we're left wondering what's going to happen to the old lady and the dogs.
Very enjoyable piece of writing.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
|
I enjoyed reading this piece.
It's atmospheric, haunting, scary. The tension kept me reading until the end to find out what had happened. The short, staccato sentences cleverly help build the tension.
The opening is good in that it shows the elderly couple arguing, as they've probably done for decades. As with all disasters, they strike without warning, not giving us time to say sorry for arguing, time to say our goodbyes.
The lines in between paragraphs are strange, I'm not sure what purpose they serve.
There's a lot happened in the 661 words, and we're left wondering what's going to happen to the old lady and the dogs.
Very enjoyable piece of writing.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
-
Yes, we need to understand what is important in life and it isn't how you load a dishwasher. This was scary to write.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I like the point of view of this piece very much. There is no explanation for the events and that's good as we see everything through the protagonist's eyes.
Good train of thought narrative.
"I told you, it doesn't matter to me, I am going to do it my way."" - unnecessary double speech marks at the end here.
"It is so simple......................... " - the extended dots here is overkill. Leave it at three for trailing off.
His staions. John Wayne Movies - stations, movies.
Followed by enourmous blast - enormous.
Our house, built in 1890 - there's a change in font size here from 10.5 to 11 I think but it is noticeable.
The truth he loves the dogs love - dog's.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
|
Hi there,
I like the point of view of this piece very much. There is no explanation for the events and that's good as we see everything through the protagonist's eyes.
Good train of thought narrative.
"I told you, it doesn't matter to me, I am going to do it my way."" - unnecessary double speech marks at the end here.
"It is so simple......................... " - the extended dots here is overkill. Leave it at three for trailing off.
His staions. John Wayne Movies - stations, movies.
Followed by enourmous blast - enormous.
Our house, built in 1890 - there's a change in font size here from 10.5 to 11 I think but it is noticeable.
The truth he loves the dogs love - dog's.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
-
I guess I need to be patient and re read what I write two days before I post it. Every correction you gave me I can't see when I am writing. Thank you as always. You are still my favorite reviewer.
