Yes, Seriously!
3rd person omniscient-Potlatch challenge26 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
You spent all that damn time trying to help us upstarts understand third person and now you have me spinning in circles. But you do it so well, of course, we might know you let the girls have all the fun. Thanks for another fine read. :-)
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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You spent all that damn time trying to help us upstarts understand third person and now you have me spinning in circles. But you do it so well, of course, we might know you let the girls have all the fun. Thanks for another fine read. :-)
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Gotta give the girls their reign.I went a bit over the top with this. A fun challenge and a fun write. Thanks for a great review. Most appreciated. mikey
Comment from Taffspride
Oh Mikey I am absolutely howling at this, murder, horror, fantasy. You have it all there.
Just one little nit.
Or, will you continue to suppress your true desires just to fit in, and hang out with the cool kids.(?) needed here.
Thanks for sharing.
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Oh Mikey I am absolutely howling at this, murder, horror, fantasy. You have it all there.
Just one little nit.
Or, will you continue to suppress your true desires just to fit in, and hang out with the cool kids.(?) needed here.
Thanks for sharing.
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Fixed it. I went a bit over the top with this. A fun challenge and a fun write. Thanks for a great review. Most appreciated. mikey
Comment from Pantygynt
I would be totally useless as a detective. Detective stories invariably confuse me and this more than most. If I wasn't confused and bemused by the end of the story, I had completely lost it by about half way through the epilogue. However another emotion had made an entrance onto the scene. I had also become amused. In fact the whole thing was a totally chaotic comedy take on the gangster genre. Ever thought of stiocking to poetry?
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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I would be totally useless as a detective. Detective stories invariably confuse me and this more than most. If I wasn't confused and bemused by the end of the story, I had completely lost it by about half way through the epilogue. However another emotion had made an entrance onto the scene. I had also become amused. In fact the whole thing was a totally chaotic comedy take on the gangster genre. Ever thought of stiocking to poetry?
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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I went a bit over the top with this. A fun challenge and a fun write. Thanks for a great review. Most appreciated. mikey
Comment from ioana.u
That felt like a huge waterfall of weird and funny action :) It just went on and on! Six stars, I wouldn't dare to give less! Omniscience rocks! :)
Ioana
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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That felt like a huge waterfall of weird and funny action :) It just went on and on! Six stars, I wouldn't dare to give less! Omniscience rocks! :)
Ioana
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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I went a bit over the top with this. A fun challenge and a fun write. Thanks for a great review. Most appreciated. mikey
Comment from barkingdog
I think everybody in Potlatch really enjoyed this final scene. Your's is terrific. I love the lady cop, Gloria, --seriously. haha.
You carried the scene off smoothly. Good pacing and the dialogue didn't interrupt the flow.
Suggestions:
-be careful not to over use the word 'as'. There are substitutions: while, when etc.
-Gloria retrieved her weapon and yelled(, "Freeze," while) firing a shot in the air.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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I think everybody in Potlatch really enjoyed this final scene. Your's is terrific. I love the lady cop, Gloria, --seriously. haha.
You carried the scene off smoothly. Good pacing and the dialogue didn't interrupt the flow.
Suggestions:
-be careful not to over use the word 'as'. There are substitutions: while, when etc.
-Gloria retrieved her weapon and yelled(, "Freeze," while) firing a shot in the air.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Oh.... I don't need "as", kind of like "that". Good tip. I went a bit over the top with this. A fun challenge and a fun write. Thanks for a great review. Most appreciated. mikey
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
wow you nailed it.
You kept the division between the players as they struggled on.
Nice to read.
I started mine, but i am not friendly with advanced editor and where i could have used bold or italics, i could not get it and single quotation marks made it confusing.
so i guess i just review this time.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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wow you nailed it.
You kept the division between the players as they struggled on.
Nice to read.
I started mine, but i am not friendly with advanced editor and where i could have used bold or italics, i could not get it and single quotation marks made it confusing.
so i guess i just review this time.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
All you have to worry about is the "B" and the "I".
Highlight whatever you want bold and click the "B". OR, highlight whatever you want in italics and click the "I".
That's all there is to it. Practice it at least. It's good to get acquainted with advanced editor, it's better. :))
Glad you liked mine. Thank you.
Remember, there's no rush. We'll always wait for Queen Barb. mikey
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I will try, but this 66 year old mind is still of the idea Clint Eastwood is still trying to find me.
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I'll handle him, he's way over 70. In the real world he'll make MY day. LOL
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I posted one just for you. I struggled with advanced editor till i wanted to scream, but it is a start. Maybe i should have written one about my confrontation with it.lol
Comment from ciliverde
Ha ha, there you go, a six! I just couldn't help myself, it was like this powerful force that I couldn't see was controlling my hand....!
Great job, funny, weird stuff, I love it!
Carol
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Ha ha, there you go, a six! I just couldn't help myself, it was like this powerful force that I couldn't see was controlling my hand....!
Great job, funny, weird stuff, I love it!
Carol
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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I went a bit over the top with this. A fun challenge and a fun write. Thanks for a great review. Most appreciated. mikey
Comment from Gloria ....
Well Mav, I'd say you've captured the third person omniscient POV. I find it the most difficult perspective to write, with first person, present tense the easiest. Maybe Russell will spring that one on us next.
Seriously? That Gloria chick seems to be fixated on her bubble gum. I guess being a detective will do that to a person. HAHA.
Great job with this. You almost wrote an entire novel in record time.
Excellent offering to the prose potlatch.
Ange
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Well Mav, I'd say you've captured the third person omniscient POV. I find it the most difficult perspective to write, with first person, present tense the easiest. Maybe Russell will spring that one on us next.
Seriously? That Gloria chick seems to be fixated on her bubble gum. I guess being a detective will do that to a person. HAHA.
Great job with this. You almost wrote an entire novel in record time.
Excellent offering to the prose potlatch.
Ange
Comment Written 14-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Well, Ange, Gloria just digs the gum, I think it helps her with her rhythm and aim when shooting and looking cool doing so. I just started writing and then I kept writing. It all got to my brain a bit. Too much fun. I'm shocked it kind of worked. Thanks a million, you're the best help. Mav
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Well mikey, I thought I'd read a couple of this week's Prose challenge to try to make some sense of it. Well hasn't that jst gone out the window or over the balcony with Edgar. Very funny especially the epilogue where you're wrestling with omniscient too. Great job,
cheers,
valda.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Well mikey, I thought I'd read a couple of this week's Prose challenge to try to make some sense of it. Well hasn't that jst gone out the window or over the balcony with Edgar. Very funny especially the epilogue where you're wrestling with omniscient too. Great job,
cheers,
valda.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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I went a bit over the top with this. A fun challenge and a fun write. Thanks for a great review. Most appreciated. mikey
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Suspenseful story with a funny ending. Love it. I love a story that has a humorous twist at the end. the bubble gum scene is too much. I'm picturing her in my mind. Nice job.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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Suspenseful story with a funny ending. Love it. I love a story that has a humorous twist at the end. the bubble gum scene is too much. I'm picturing her in my mind. Nice job.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2016
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I went a bit over the top with this. A fun challenge and a fun write. Thanks for a great review. Most appreciated. mikey
