The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Two On the Outside"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
23 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day again, sister. I'm slowly catching you.
"Let's get out of here," Bruce said." (What a great mate! Running out on them with a chick, just when the going gets tough! Maybe he should change his name to Nancy!)
"They heard the roar of beasts, the frightened screams of adults and children, and the traitorous unveiling of the real Mrs. Pierson." (Well, I take that last criticism back! Run, man, run!)
"Wow, bad luck. I've heard they have a lifetime warranty, though." (Hahahaha! Great work.)
"Yeah, my mom's like that, too." (I like the casual conversation. It's like they are surrounded by mean witches and evil dog-men every day lol)
"I could," she said, "or we can use the one she gave me earlier when I needed a place to work on Daredevil Girl posters." (lol. What would us blokes do without women? Don't answer that, please. I hate the idea of waking up with a bearded face on my chest)
"There's no dial tone," he said." (Sheesh! Nothing's easy in that game!)
Another very well written and exciting chapter, padna. Sounds like the boss has planned the whole strategy out well.
Great job.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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G'day again, sister. I'm slowly catching you.
"Let's get out of here," Bruce said." (What a great mate! Running out on them with a chick, just when the going gets tough! Maybe he should change his name to Nancy!)
"They heard the roar of beasts, the frightened screams of adults and children, and the traitorous unveiling of the real Mrs. Pierson." (Well, I take that last criticism back! Run, man, run!)
"Wow, bad luck. I've heard they have a lifetime warranty, though." (Hahahaha! Great work.)
"Yeah, my mom's like that, too." (I like the casual conversation. It's like they are surrounded by mean witches and evil dog-men every day lol)
"I could," she said, "or we can use the one she gave me earlier when I needed a place to work on Daredevil Girl posters." (lol. What would us blokes do without women? Don't answer that, please. I hate the idea of waking up with a bearded face on my chest)
"There's no dial tone," he said." (Sheesh! Nothing's easy in that game!)
Another very well written and exciting chapter, padna. Sounds like the boss has planned the whole strategy out well.
Great job.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Thank you, again, for the six stars, and humorous review. You intertwined me well. I'm reading this before heading off to work and laughing so hard Wayne thinks I'm crazy (buang!)
Poor Bruce, just trying to save the day! Oh well....
I do need you helping me infuse humor into this story!!
Gotta go, times a tickin'. I'll have to read your last review when I get home.
Cowgirl (yeah you wouldn't want to know what I think men would be like without women!)
Comment from chiversmisha
This was a wonderful chapter. I am a horror/spooky fan and reader. I was certainly able to catch up on the action for this chapter with the beginning synopses. I look forward to more!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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This was a wonderful chapter. I am a horror/spooky fan and reader. I was certainly able to catch up on the action for this chapter with the beginning synopses. I look forward to more!
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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Oh, I am so glad you stopped in to read. I love it when someone from my genre reviews. I hope you are able to give good suggestions! I appreciate the ones you provided this time.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice work on this story. Good tension building with Bruce and the girl sneaking around the school. making the principal the bad one is classic.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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Nice work on this story. Good tension building with Bruce and the girl sneaking around the school. making the principal the bad one is classic.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Russell. I enjoyed doing that to the principal. Good thing is, my principal has read the book! haha.
Thanks,
Rhonda
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Rhonda,
It's a nice piece of Fantasy Science Fiction moving smoothly, and gradually going to pick up the momentum.
Conversational approach is worth noting and captivating, making the reader overlook a slight slip of spelling 'elongagated' instead of elongated' in "They moved with grace unexpected for creatures with bent legs and elongagated feet."
The most striking lines are:
"With a renewed determination, she decided that this battle was not yet over... once a Daredevil Girl, always a Daredevil Girl."
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"The Daredevil Code says, those who can, go for help."
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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Hello Rhonda,
It's a nice piece of Fantasy Science Fiction moving smoothly, and gradually going to pick up the momentum.
Conversational approach is worth noting and captivating, making the reader overlook a slight slip of spelling 'elongagated' instead of elongated' in "They moved with grace unexpected for creatures with bent legs and elongagated feet."
The most striking lines are:
"With a renewed determination, she decided that this battle was not yet over... once a Daredevil Girl, always a Daredevil Girl."
&
"The Daredevil Code says, those who can, go for help."
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the six star gift. That is amazing.
Also amazing is the review! I appreciate each and every word of it.
Thanks for catching the elongated snafu! I can't believe I and all the reviewers have missed it! Great eyes.
Thanks again for the wonderful morning smile!
Rhonda
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Great action chapter, Rhonda. I can feel the tension building up swiftly. Can't wait to read the next one and find out how Bruce and Tina get out to get help. Giddy
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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Great action chapter, Rhonda. I can feel the tension building up swiftly. Can't wait to read the next one and find out how Bruce and Tina get out to get help. Giddy
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the brilliant shining stars!!! Much appreciated this gloomy Friday morning (it's been raining for 4 days now, though we did need it). None the less, the morning is brighter!
I will post another chapter soon. I've gone back to work this week as school starts next, and I have to get my chemistry classroom ready.
Take care, and thanks, once more, for the encouragement!
Rhonda
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Oh, you teach chemistry ... back in the 50s I found chemistry soo hard. Good luck with your classes, Giddy
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And my students still do. Some things never change!
Comment from Dustybones
I like to see the one of the girls along with Bruce back in the heat of real evil this time. Werewolves and the such will need to be dealt with fast. She had the key after all, a good little surprise. dustybones
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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I like to see the one of the girls along with Bruce back in the heat of real evil this time. Werewolves and the such will need to be dealt with fast. She had the key after all, a good little surprise. dustybones
Comment Written 18-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much. They will be as much in the thick of things as the others pretty quickly! The action is definitely about to pick up!
Rhonda
Comment from LASARDaddy
I like your use of a young female as a strong, smart and capable person. Most females are taught to be 'Subserviant' and that's just another word for 'Slave.' I haven't read your previous story posts so this is my snippet view of your large world.
I'm curious why the image you use is so much younger than the character you describe. If it's explained earlier forget this comment.
I like it. It pulls me in and your use of words keeps my interest. I like detail in stories, all those little things that make it a comfortable place to lie and enjoy the action in your world. I get involved too, in my mind.
The only thing that slowed my attention to the story was, "There is no dial tone.", reads more smoothly as "There's no dial tone." People tend to think in contractions so I have to stop and translate that as I read. People tend to use contractions more under stress and there should be a lot of stress in this scene.
Thank you for posting this story. I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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I like your use of a young female as a strong, smart and capable person. Most females are taught to be 'Subserviant' and that's just another word for 'Slave.' I haven't read your previous story posts so this is my snippet view of your large world.
I'm curious why the image you use is so much younger than the character you describe. If it's explained earlier forget this comment.
I like it. It pulls me in and your use of words keeps my interest. I like detail in stories, all those little things that make it a comfortable place to lie and enjoy the action in your world. I get involved too, in my mind.
The only thing that slowed my attention to the story was, "There is no dial tone.", reads more smoothly as "There's no dial tone." People tend to think in contractions so I have to stop and translate that as I read. People tend to use contractions more under stress and there should be a lot of stress in this scene.
Thank you for posting this story. I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Thank you for stopping in to read. If you want a summary of the first part of the book, I would be glad to provide it, but suffice it to say there are two generations of Daredevils. The first Bruce was a part of, the newer one, including Tina, are the newer generation.
Thanks on the contraction. I have a nasty habit of doing that, and I don't know why. I try to catch them all, but usually miss one or two.
Again, thanks so much,
Rhonda
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Hi Rhonda,
You're welcome. I'm trying to learn this craft and at 74 it's a struggle. It's been suggested that I start a lot of Hemmingway and Joyce because they're masters at the short story so that's my next step. I enjoy reading new people's stuff too though, it teaches me a lot.
Stay safe and enjoy life.
Paul
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I love the artwork.
-Another good chapter in the series.
-It seems Bruce and Tina Alice are the only ones able to do anything,
as they haven't been impacted by the werewolves and witches.
-They have many good ideas to try and help the others, but everything they
try has been taken care of by the witches, especially Mrs. Pierson, more than likely.
-It is interesting to see the ideas Bruce and Tina have--all of them logical and giving the reader hope that the next one will work!
-But to no avail.
-The character development of Bruce and Tina is also good.
-Even though nothing has worked, Tina has the attitude of a young DDG in the making.
-Now, we wait to see exactly how they are going to help; or will they be foiled in their attempts? Hopefully, not.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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-I love the artwork.
-Another good chapter in the series.
-It seems Bruce and Tina Alice are the only ones able to do anything,
as they haven't been impacted by the werewolves and witches.
-They have many good ideas to try and help the others, but everything they
try has been taken care of by the witches, especially Mrs. Pierson, more than likely.
-It is interesting to see the ideas Bruce and Tina have--all of them logical and giving the reader hope that the next one will work!
-But to no avail.
-The character development of Bruce and Tina is also good.
-Even though nothing has worked, Tina has the attitude of a young DDG in the making.
-Now, we wait to see exactly how they are going to help; or will they be foiled in their attempts? Hopefully, not.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the wonderful review.
Bruce and Tina are on the outside, but you can bet the others won't take things lying down.
I can promise one thing, there will be lots of action. It may be a bit strange, but there will be action!
Again, the brilliant shining stars are most appreciated!
Rhonda
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You are very welcome for stars and review. I don't doubt any lack of action.
Comment from rspoet
Being an anti-cell phone person
I'm glad that wasn't the solution to their dilemma
I'd hate to constantly hear,
"Oh, but a cell phone saved the daredevil girls"
Instead, they will have you use their wits
Thinking is a vital tool in the fight against crime
and in most everything else as well
Tina has a wise mom
The trap appears to be well constructed
Bruce and Tina will have fine another way out
A very well written chapter
that begins the main daredevil girl challenge
with a challenge of it's own
Mr Bruce will just have to run,
like The Boss: "Daredevils like us, baby we were born to run"
Well done
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Being an anti-cell phone person
I'm glad that wasn't the solution to their dilemma
I'd hate to constantly hear,
"Oh, but a cell phone saved the daredevil girls"
Instead, they will have you use their wits
Thinking is a vital tool in the fight against crime
and in most everything else as well
Tina has a wise mom
The trap appears to be well constructed
Bruce and Tina will have fine another way out
A very well written chapter
that begins the main daredevil girl challenge
with a challenge of it's own
Mr Bruce will just have to run,
like The Boss: "Daredevils like us, baby we were born to run"
Well done
Comment Written 18-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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That's so cute!!! I love it.
Thanks for the glorious six stars! They are always encouraging and very welcomed!
I always appreciate you and you discerning eye!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from boxergirl
Hi Rhonda, I know you are getting geared up for the new school year. I hope you have a good one.
Great job with the continuation of your story line. Realistic dialogue and descriptive details provide strong imagery. Cute kiddo in the picture!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Hi Rhonda, I know you are getting geared up for the new school year. I hope you have a good one.
Great job with the continuation of your story line. Realistic dialogue and descriptive details provide strong imagery. Cute kiddo in the picture!
Comment Written 17-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much! I appreciate the review, and the well wishes for the new year. We've been back this week, and the kiddos next. We start the year having lost two educators that were dear to us all. Hopefully the rest of the year goes well.
Again Thanks,
Rhonda
