Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

You have written a good cliff hanger and you know just when to leave the reader hanging and wanting more. I will continue to follow.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016

thank you so much. I am working on the fourth chapter right now. Schools are full of intelligent teachers. I think the diversity would bring so much to the table if they had to survive together.

Comment from Judy Couch

Exceptional

I'm really enjoying this story. It's well written. It's realistic. These are the kind of things that could potentially happen.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016

thank you judy. I am actually using my own high school where I teach as an outline. That way the rooms are easy to describe. On Monday the cafeteria manager is going to show me what would actually be there if this happened.

Comment from heyjude

Excellent

Judy, interesting chapter to your story. How would people handle a
disaster if and when it comes. It's a scary situation. It'll be interesting
to see how you develop this story. Looking forward to knowing more
about the different characters and what will happen.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016

Thank you so much. This story is developing. One lucky thing, as a teacher I went back to work last week. I am using the layout of my high school so the scenes are easy and realistic to describe. The cafeteria manager is going to give me a tour of the kitchen so I can go back and know what would really be in there.

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

Another good chapter in this story. You really did set up a great basic concept for this story with lots of potential story lines. Well done. I am enjoying this

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016

thank you, I am doing research at my school. For example: on Monday I am actually going into our cafeteria kitchen to see just what they really keep on a day to day basis. I am friends with the Cafeteria Manager and I know she will help me. I am also using the layout in my school which helps me describe each scene. Teachers, eclectic and with so many different skills. These three chapters have happened in less than 24 hours. There is so much more they will have to deal with.

reply by Douglas Paul on 13-Aug-2016

I think using your own school is a good idea

Comment from winnona

Excellent

Another good chapter. I like your use of detail. It not only brings your characters yo life but makes the story realistic. The fact that you are following logically what people would do in a disaster helps a lot. I have read so many bad stories that focus on the people panicking and arguing when in reality they would be looking for clean water and food, medical supplies instead of worrying about who's fault it is or when the cavalry would come ridding in to save them!

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016

I teach at the high school pictured on this. It makes it easy to imagine the scene. I know the cafeteria manager and next week I am going to explore the kitchen to see what would really be there. This is fun research.

reply by winnona on 13-Aug-2016

That is one of the biggest reasons I enjoy writing so much. I love learning about anything and everything and researching what you are writing about opens up so much kwolege that you never knew!

Comment from Mastery

Good

Hi, Judy. This continues to be an engaging story. You have ssome wonderful images in here and build the tension rather well all the way through.

Suggestions: "I felt the adrenaline leaving my body. Exhaustion forced me to sleep." (You say you are sleeping , yet you go on to show all of these emotions of a person lying awake, I would think...or it seems.

And: " bringing an orange haze to the outside sky." (Outside sky?) where else would it be but outside? I would reword this, Judy.

Also: " We had pen and paper to take notes with if we found food. (Leave out the word "with" (Not needed)

You are writing well and have a good plot here, Judy...just needs a lot of polish here and there, I'm afraid. Bob

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016

With your help I am getting better. I haven't been able to read anything today. We had a family funeral and just got home. I was excited to see your review. I will definitely go make the changes.

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Good chapter. They have food for now. Soon they'll have to venture out and see what happened and who survived. I'm curious to know why a serial killer is in a disaster story. Guess I'll see how it works. :)

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016

OOPs, wrong summary. Thank you for telling me. For heavens sake Judy its a good thing you have friends who tell you things.

Comment from djsaxon

Excellent

What is so strong about this write is the continued sense of urgency throughout. This because of the choice to use simple, short sentences. I like "Leadership was everywhere". Speaks volumes about the dynamic of people finding themselves in a disaster scenario. A few spags. Apcocalymps?" (Apocalypse) fummbled (fumbled). It precarelessly wavered. Nah. It wavered precariously. The choice of a bold typeface is different but my one good eye thanks you :-) cheers - DJ

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016

Thank you so much. I will run and fix those now. It is so good to have people who help me.