In a nutshell.
A very short story, 150 words.16 total reviews
Comment from Alex Rosel
First off, I love the title. In a Nutshell sums it up in... Well, in a nutshell.
Your first paragraph tells the reader who the main character is, yourself, and what it's about, your life. This is a very effective way to begin a story, even if it's only obvious in hindsight, more writers should use the literary technique.
Conceived before they married, I was born as a heavy baby- eight Dutch pounds. - Here, it's clear who "they" are but, for me, I'd prefer to replace "they married" with the more explicit "my parents were married".
My parents always said they aimed for eleven kids as in a football team. Fortunately they stopped after five. - I can relate to this; I'm the youngest of four and my parents always insisted they wanted six children. A thumbs up from me for that.
Loads of fun, going out in my student days, had (too) many boyfriends. So then I was a doctor, trained to become a Consultant Psychiatrist. - I'm not sure that the second sentence should start with "So"; I think it implies that training to be a Consultant Psychiatrist is a consequence of your student days being fun-filled. Surely not?
The best thing was meeting my husband (Robert) during my first holiday on my own. - Here, I think "Robert" should be enclosed by commas not parenthesis.
Was away for a week, engaged going home, and we married 3 months later. We still are together for better and for worse. - A lovely way to end, on an upbeat.
This was a nice flash fiction story. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you.
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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2016
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First off, I love the title. In a Nutshell sums it up in... Well, in a nutshell.
Your first paragraph tells the reader who the main character is, yourself, and what it's about, your life. This is a very effective way to begin a story, even if it's only obvious in hindsight, more writers should use the literary technique.
Conceived before they married, I was born as a heavy baby- eight Dutch pounds. - Here, it's clear who "they" are but, for me, I'd prefer to replace "they married" with the more explicit "my parents were married".
My parents always said they aimed for eleven kids as in a football team. Fortunately they stopped after five. - I can relate to this; I'm the youngest of four and my parents always insisted they wanted six children. A thumbs up from me for that.
Loads of fun, going out in my student days, had (too) many boyfriends. So then I was a doctor, trained to become a Consultant Psychiatrist. - I'm not sure that the second sentence should start with "So"; I think it implies that training to be a Consultant Psychiatrist is a consequence of your student days being fun-filled. Surely not?
The best thing was meeting my husband (Robert) during my first holiday on my own. - Here, I think "Robert" should be enclosed by commas not parenthesis.
Was away for a week, engaged going home, and we married 3 months later. We still are together for better and for worse. - A lovely way to end, on an upbeat.
This was a nice flash fiction story. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2016
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a good weekend.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I would say you covered your life.
-Word count is met.
-I like your opening!
-You start from the very beginning,
and progress to the nature of your family.
-Having a football team would be pretty hectic!
-You describe school and University well,
and ended up with a good career, from the sound of it.
-Now, you have a good marriage.
-A couple of small things to look at:
* "on the heavy site" [side]
* "said the aimed for eleven" [they]
* Comma after "Fortunately" in the last sentence of that same paragraph.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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-I would say you covered your life.
-Word count is met.
-I like your opening!
-You start from the very beginning,
and progress to the nature of your family.
-Having a football team would be pretty hectic!
-You describe school and University well,
and ended up with a good career, from the sound of it.
-Now, you have a good marriage.
-A couple of small things to look at:
* "on the heavy site" [side]
* "said the aimed for eleven" [they]
* Comma after "Fortunately" in the last sentence of that same paragraph.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week. Thanks for your tips.
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You are welcome for the review and tips. You have a good rest of the week, too.
Comment from TAB_that's me
You did a good job of summing up your life in 150 words - hard to do.
You have a couple of spelling errors.
I stayed on the heavy site (side)
My parents always said the (they)
Good luck in the contest:)
teresa
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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You did a good job of summing up your life in 150 words - hard to do.
You have a couple of spelling errors.
I stayed on the heavy site (side)
My parents always said the (they)
Good luck in the contest:)
teresa
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week. Than ks for the tips.
Comment from humpwhistle
I commend you on your effort.
But you wasted 12 words with your opening sentence!
Really, this prompt seems to be designed for a trick.
Or, for a very boring person.
I'm guessing the winner of this prompt will have a very clever response.
My advice? If you don't have clever way to deal with an impossible prompt, skip it.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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I commend you on your effort.
But you wasted 12 words with your opening sentence!
Really, this prompt seems to be designed for a trick.
Or, for a very boring person.
I'm guessing the winner of this prompt will have a very clever response.
My advice? If you don't have clever way to deal with an impossible prompt, skip it.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.
Comment from Susan Chetcuti
You did really well in writing about your life with only 150 words. Well done, I enjoyed it. I loved your words at the beginning, eight Dutch pounds. Thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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You did really well in writing about your life with only 150 words. Well done, I enjoyed it. I loved your words at the beginning, eight Dutch pounds. Thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.
Comment from giraffmang
Yep, no easy task this at all. I entered this last year and it was a stretch all right! But, you've done a good job here with the pot-shot history.
in a foot ball team. - should be football, although on this site you might want to change that to soccer! LOL
All the best
GMG
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reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Yep, no easy task this at all. I entered this last year and it was a stretch all right! But, you've done a good job here with the pot-shot history.
in a foot ball team. - should be football, although on this site you might want to change that to soccer! LOL
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely last part of the week.
