Lovely Heather
Remembering a trip to Scotland.3 total reviews
Comment from Leineco
What a wonderful interlude to have tucked into your memory! Clearly you loved and cherish your time there :-) I can see how it would come to mind when the phrase "Time of My Life" appeared :-)
Nicely done :-)
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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What a wonderful interlude to have tucked into your memory! Clearly you loved and cherish your time there :-) I can see how it would come to mind when the phrase "Time of My Life" appeared :-)
Nicely done :-)
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks for your kind review.
Comment from PoemsOfDD
I enjoyed reading your entry into The Time Of My Life contest. You have described the story well making your trip to Scotland sound interesting with stages of humour. I would not have thought vinegar would stop colour from running. If you were going to Scotland to practice English the accent there would have made it more of a challenge for you I'm sure but more laughs to be had. Thank you for sharing this fun memory and best of luck in the competition. ~DD
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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I enjoyed reading your entry into The Time Of My Life contest. You have described the story well making your trip to Scotland sound interesting with stages of humour. I would not have thought vinegar would stop colour from running. If you were going to Scotland to practice English the accent there would have made it more of a challenge for you I'm sure but more laughs to be had. Thank you for sharing this fun memory and best of luck in the competition. ~DD
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review my piece.
Comment from I am Cat
Hello,
This sounds like a lovely trip! What great fun!
It was written wonderfully with some good imagery, and very well understood.
It's clear and concise, and your English is fantastic.
That being said, there are a few places that might flow a little easier if you just moved a word here and there, without changing your meaning at all.
My thoughts are (which, of course, you are free to disregard) ;)
My English teacher had organized a trip to Scotland and(,) after much cajoling(,) I had managed to convince my father to let me go. I was incredibly excited about the whole thing(,) but my fear of planes didn't let me relax.
it was all incredibly tacky(,) but also sweet.
My parents wrote long letters and I was happy to receive them, but for the most time I didn't even remember them. I didn't want to go back to Spain. I wanted to stay in this new alternate universe for ever.
(this might read more easily as:
My parents wrote long letters(,) and I was happy to receive them, but, most of the time I didn't even think about them. I didn't want to go back to Spain. I wanted to stay in this new alternate universe forever.
(just a thought)
(this part:)
We had some fun times. Like the day I asked them to give me some vinegar to wash my slippers with to stop the colours from running.
'Spanish people are really peculiar,' they said, laughing hysterically.
(could be expanded, I think something is lost in translation... as this is VERY 'normal' to an American as well... and so, in order to make it actually SEEM funny, you'll need to expand it, give an example of WHY it was so funny)
I did obviously not see Nessie, but I took pictures of the breathtaking scenery.
(might read more understandably as:)
I, obviously, did not see Nessie, but I took pictures of the breathtaking scenery.
To this day(,) heather is my favourite flower. In fact(,) when my daughter was born(,) I wanted to call her Heather, but my husband said nobody would know how to pronounce that name in Spain(; s)o we called her Iris instead.
(just some thoughts on punctuation)
The forty-day trip went by very quickly(,) [but] (and) Scotland will always hold a special place in my heart.
keep in mind: take out places where [ ] are used,
and put in things where ( ) are used.
All in all, a great read of wonderful memories.
A small expansion of particular memories might spice up the story some, but I think you definitely have a wonderful entry.
Great luck to you in the contest,
Cat
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2016
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Hello,
This sounds like a lovely trip! What great fun!
It was written wonderfully with some good imagery, and very well understood.
It's clear and concise, and your English is fantastic.
That being said, there are a few places that might flow a little easier if you just moved a word here and there, without changing your meaning at all.
My thoughts are (which, of course, you are free to disregard) ;)
My English teacher had organized a trip to Scotland and(,) after much cajoling(,) I had managed to convince my father to let me go. I was incredibly excited about the whole thing(,) but my fear of planes didn't let me relax.
it was all incredibly tacky(,) but also sweet.
My parents wrote long letters and I was happy to receive them, but for the most time I didn't even remember them. I didn't want to go back to Spain. I wanted to stay in this new alternate universe for ever.
(this might read more easily as:
My parents wrote long letters(,) and I was happy to receive them, but, most of the time I didn't even think about them. I didn't want to go back to Spain. I wanted to stay in this new alternate universe forever.
(just a thought)
(this part:)
We had some fun times. Like the day I asked them to give me some vinegar to wash my slippers with to stop the colours from running.
'Spanish people are really peculiar,' they said, laughing hysterically.
(could be expanded, I think something is lost in translation... as this is VERY 'normal' to an American as well... and so, in order to make it actually SEEM funny, you'll need to expand it, give an example of WHY it was so funny)
I did obviously not see Nessie, but I took pictures of the breathtaking scenery.
(might read more understandably as:)
I, obviously, did not see Nessie, but I took pictures of the breathtaking scenery.
To this day(,) heather is my favourite flower. In fact(,) when my daughter was born(,) I wanted to call her Heather, but my husband said nobody would know how to pronounce that name in Spain(; s)o we called her Iris instead.
(just some thoughts on punctuation)
The forty-day trip went by very quickly(,) [but] (and) Scotland will always hold a special place in my heart.
keep in mind: take out places where [ ] are used,
and put in things where ( ) are used.
All in all, a great read of wonderful memories.
A small expansion of particular memories might spice up the story some, but I think you definitely have a wonderful entry.
Great luck to you in the contest,
Cat
Comment Written 09-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much for your thorough review. I realize now I had left out an enormous amount of commas. I have now changed everything following your suggestions. There are only two things I have left as they were because I liked them that way.
