The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "The Illusion"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
27 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Cowgirl. Well, they say it's better late than never lol. Just call me the late Feral (The latest bloke you've ever seen!)
"Come join me, Miss Jordan," Mrs. Pierson said. "In fact, all of you Daredevils come as well." (That's a nice gesture.)
"but then the haunting picture of a young girl hanging on the wall in the principal's office" (What is it about hanging kids up at school? At least they won't get lost, I guess.)
"The whole audience gasped at once as the principal of Milton Middle School began to transform in front of their eyes. She lost about 200 pounds and grew years younger." (Crikey, I sense some bad stuff about to go down!)
"I'm the younger sister of Mildred, the witch from your little Daredevil Girl story." (Damn! I knew it.)
"Why do you think so many of them join gangs?" (She got a point there. Although, I thought it was so I could get chicks.)
"The witch whirled, shooting a fiery ball at Elizabeth, who dropped quickly to the ground and rolled out of harm's way." (Nasty thing! Where's sage?)
"Growling and snarling, the furry men revealed themselves as werewolves." (Scary imagery. You are so good at scene changing.)
Fantastic work, sis. That was a masterstroke throwing the principle on the evil side. I certainly didn't see it coming.
Great job. Catchya on the next chapter.
Kwala says kumusta.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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G'day Cowgirl. Well, they say it's better late than never lol. Just call me the late Feral (The latest bloke you've ever seen!)
"Come join me, Miss Jordan," Mrs. Pierson said. "In fact, all of you Daredevils come as well." (That's a nice gesture.)
"but then the haunting picture of a young girl hanging on the wall in the principal's office" (What is it about hanging kids up at school? At least they won't get lost, I guess.)
"The whole audience gasped at once as the principal of Milton Middle School began to transform in front of their eyes. She lost about 200 pounds and grew years younger." (Crikey, I sense some bad stuff about to go down!)
"I'm the younger sister of Mildred, the witch from your little Daredevil Girl story." (Damn! I knew it.)
"Why do you think so many of them join gangs?" (She got a point there. Although, I thought it was so I could get chicks.)
"The witch whirled, shooting a fiery ball at Elizabeth, who dropped quickly to the ground and rolled out of harm's way." (Nasty thing! Where's sage?)
"Growling and snarling, the furry men revealed themselves as werewolves." (Scary imagery. You are so good at scene changing.)
Fantastic work, sis. That was a masterstroke throwing the principle on the evil side. I certainly didn't see it coming.
Great job. Catchya on the next chapter.
Kwala says kumusta.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Feral! As always, your sense of humor is delightful. I don't know where you get your wit, or how it Justus pops up out of nowhere, but I love it!!
Come on, you should have guessed I'd make the principal the fall guy. Who likes them. Haha. I had my principal read it!!
Thanks for the six stars and the careful review!
Howdy to the Kwala's!
Cowgirl
Comment from minkay6
The story line is good and the pacing is on target. I wished that the "stinking terrifying creatures" had been described in more detail so that I could really feel terrified. As written, the creatures fell flat which reduced the tension in the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2016
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The story line is good and the pacing is on target. I wished that the "stinking terrifying creatures" had been described in more detail so that I could really feel terrified. As written, the creatures fell flat which reduced the tension in the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2016
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Thank you for your review, and your point is well taken on describing the creatures.
Rhonda
Comment from jlsavell
Rhonda, so this should be an interesting journey. Can't wait to see where your story takes its readers. The tension builds. Well done. Jimi
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016
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Rhonda, so this should be an interesting journey. Can't wait to see where your story takes its readers. The tension builds. Well done. Jimi
Comment Written 14-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Jimi! I will post another chapter today or tomorrow. Thanks for reading and reviewing,
Rhonda
Comment from create4christ
Your storylines are always interesting, Rhonda. I like that you grammar and spell-check before you post, too. I appreciate that. Well done.
Thanks for sharing. ..Penny
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Your storylines are always interesting, Rhonda. I like that you grammar and spell-check before you post, too. I appreciate that. Well done.
Thanks for sharing. ..Penny
Comment Written 13-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Penny! You are so sweet. I do run a grammar check before posting, but I also have a lot of people on this site that pick out my mess-ups, too!
Have a great weekend,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-As I was reading in the beginning, all I could say is "Oh my gosh!" What a way to begin the next phase.
-I always felt, no matter what part of the story, that Mildred was behind something; she wasn't just forgotten about because she wasn't in it.
-She always said she had an army and was going to control the world, but who would have guessed nice Mrs. Pierson! She dropped 200 lbs. in front of their eyes- I would never have guessed her as being a heavy woman.
-As I kept reading about people not able to make decisions, etc., I couldn't help but think about Akie and MH. There seems to be a common link of control and using the DDG to aid them in getting it.
-I like the ending, as Nancy always vows to fight, as the fight has not left her.
-It will be interesting to see where all this goes--" once a Daredevil Girl, always a Daredevil Girl."
-One very minor typo: "the furry men reavealed"
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2016
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-As I was reading in the beginning, all I could say is "Oh my gosh!" What a way to begin the next phase.
-I always felt, no matter what part of the story, that Mildred was behind something; she wasn't just forgotten about because she wasn't in it.
-She always said she had an army and was going to control the world, but who would have guessed nice Mrs. Pierson! She dropped 200 lbs. in front of their eyes- I would never have guessed her as being a heavy woman.
-As I kept reading about people not able to make decisions, etc., I couldn't help but think about Akie and MH. There seems to be a common link of control and using the DDG to aid them in getting it.
-I like the ending, as Nancy always vows to fight, as the fight has not left her.
-It will be interesting to see where all this goes--" once a Daredevil Girl, always a Daredevil Girl."
-One very minor typo: "the furry men reavealed"
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2016
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*Thank you so much for the brilliant 6 star review, and for the ongoing support and encouragement! I can't tell you how much that helps goad me on to write more!
*If you read the book straight through, and I know we seldom do that on this site, I paint a picture of Mrs. Pierson as a very large and awkward woman, creating an illusion of a golly, but sort of comical woman. Hiding beneath this surface is a sinister woman that people catch on occasionally, but then forget about. The best way to hide is in plain site.
*You're quite right about the similarity between the bad guys, and throughout the series (there are 3 more written), you will find them all tied together to an ultimate antagonist, or at least his influence. You've done a great job of tying these in together already.
Again, much thanks,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome for everything. I have been enjoying the series a lot, as you know. It is easy to forget certain things; either that or you just perceive them a certain way, especially since the DDG have been telling their stories, and Mrs. Pierson has seemed so supportive. You are right about the hiding in plain site! It will be interesting to see who the 'ultimate' antagonist is! Thanks for your lovely reply.
Comment from rspoet
This is a fine transition from telling stories to being in one of them in real time
Somehow, witches always have sisters.
Everyone should make special note of that fact
Where there is one witch, there are others, all related
And they have names that end in "a' or "da"
One question, just how long has Galada been principal
and waiting for this moment?
Galada sounds like lady Gaga scrambled up like eggs
But that aside, the trap is sprung
and all but Bruce and Tina Alice are ensnared
The next chapter should be "fun" in a Rhonda sort of way
Well done
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2016
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This is a fine transition from telling stories to being in one of them in real time
Somehow, witches always have sisters.
Everyone should make special note of that fact
Where there is one witch, there are others, all related
And they have names that end in "a' or "da"
One question, just how long has Galada been principal
and waiting for this moment?
Galada sounds like lady Gaga scrambled up like eggs
But that aside, the trap is sprung
and all but Bruce and Tina Alice are ensnared
The next chapter should be "fun" in a Rhonda sort of way
Well done
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2016
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Firstly, thank you for the six stars! I appreciate the gift as well as the time you take to review!
*As far as the sisters, very clever observation on all witches having sisters. That's funny! Mildred's influence certainly continues on.
*The principal has waited quite a while, but you will learn later that she has plenty of time on her hands. She's an immortal, which Mildred mentions in the story earlier.
*Funny thing is, you were pretty spot on with this a while back in a review during the haunted house section. You were doing some pretty good guessing. The point of that story being told before Little Egypt was to do exactly what I did--distract.
*You're a hard one to fool, my friend!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from boxergirl
Great scene, Rhonda. Those dang principals can be like witches sometimes. Lol
This is a great twist and it looks like Nancy has finally realized she can stop being a fighter against evil...cant wait to see what happens!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Great scene, Rhonda. Those dang principals can be like witches sometimes. Lol
This is a great twist and it looks like Nancy has finally realized she can stop being a fighter against evil...cant wait to see what happens!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks for the review! Yes, principals can, can't they? haha. I thought I'd put that one in for suffering teachers everywhere.
Actually, Nancy thought she had escaped fighting evil, but is now forced back into the battle!
Have a great weekend (almost),
Rhonda
Comment from F. Wehr3
I enjoyed this portion of the story. I think you have a good message within the piece. I hope your audience gets it. I didn't see any errors within the story.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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I enjoyed this portion of the story. I think you have a good message within the piece. I hope your audience gets it. I didn't see any errors within the story.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much, Russel. And you're right, I hope the kids do get the message. Growing up these days is a hard thing!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Gianinas
"She also began to look more like the three dancers who stood beside her, and, in an odd sort of way, of (LIKE, maybe?) the witch of Fur Trader creek." -that is the only suggestion I have. Captivating style and story line. I wish it would really take with kids...some good messages.
Gianina
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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"She also began to look more like the three dancers who stood beside her, and, in an odd sort of way, of (LIKE, maybe?) the witch of Fur Trader creek." -that is the only suggestion I have. Captivating style and story line. I wish it would really take with kids...some good messages.
Gianina
Comment Written 10-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much, Gianina. I appreciate you reading, and finding a wonderful alternate on that sentence. Sounds much better!
Appreciate your review,
Rhonda
Comment from CDyer
Oh, great, unexpected turn of events. It really keeps the tension going. Readers just barely had time for a relaxing exhale before having to have a shocked intake of breath! Opens the door for flashback memories and excitement in the present.
Great job!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Oh, great, unexpected turn of events. It really keeps the tension going. Readers just barely had time for a relaxing exhale before having to have a shocked intake of breath! Opens the door for flashback memories and excitement in the present.
Great job!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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I actually had another chapter that sort of transitioned, but it was boring to me, so I left it out. Lol!
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Rhonda
