Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 105 "Chapter Treinta y uno (31) Part Dos"Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
33 total reviews
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
A nice transition chapter as Soni and Jim return to the ranch to rest up before confronting Mikael.
Could he be the mastermind behind all the criminal activity?. I never trusted the guy.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Hi Barbara:)
A nice transition chapter as Soni and Jim return to the ranch to rest up before confronting Mikael.
Could he be the mastermind behind all the criminal activity?. I never trusted the guy.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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I never trusted him either. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Catching up! I've been away for a few days. Good progression, Barbaras
A couple of itty bitty things:
until you reach the..." - a sudden interruption is usually indicated by a long em dash, not ellipses. So: ... until you reach the--" (it won't let me copy the long em dash, but I hope you'll get what I mean).
"The proper RPM's(.)"
Hope this helps.
Av
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Catching up! I've been away for a few days. Good progression, Barbaras
A couple of itty bitty things:
until you reach the..." - a sudden interruption is usually indicated by a long em dash, not ellipses. So: ... until you reach the--" (it won't let me copy the long em dash, but I hope you'll get what I mean).
"The proper RPM's(.)"
Hope this helps.
Av
Comment Written 14-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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I will make the corrections. Thank you.
Comment from Alex Rosel
"What do you have in mind?" Soni's eyebrows rose. - An open ended question is a great way to start a chapter or a self-contain section of prose. That simple question got me interested from the off. Good technique!
"Right now, just getting you home so you can rest." Jim stepped closer to Tatiana. - A good action tag. It conveys [Jim's] emotion as well as the action. It allows the reader to more effectively build their own mental image of the scene.
She sat and crossed her arms. - Again, an action tag that conveys so much more than just informing the reader who's speaking. Nice technique.
You can take the pint, no half-pint sized dog to the ranch by yourself." - I'd insert a comma after "dog"; it forms a parenthetical element of the sentence.
With eyes squeezed shut, Soni said... - This is an example of a multiple speech tag; it conveys action and the verb said. Personally, I try to avoid multiple speech tags.
"The throttle's the twistable grip on top. You'll need to open the throttle until you reach the..." - Since the following paragraph indicates that Jim has interrupted Soni's speech, the correct terminal punctuation is an em dash (--) not an ellipsis (...).
"The proper RPM's," - Where interrupted speech is continued the em dash should be used. Continuation of interrupted sentences should not be capitalized. So, this should be: "--the proper RPM's".
Soni knelt down, hugged, and petted each Great Pyrenees. - I know --ing verbs are usually frowned upon, but here they read more natural to me. I'd write: Soni knelt down, hugging and petting each Great Pyrenees. Or even the neater: Soni knelt down, hugging each Great Pyrenees in turn.
Jim eyed the closed bedroom door Isabella and her infant slept in. - This is confusing. Isabella doesn't sleep in the door, she sleeps in the bedroom. I'd reword it something like: Jim eyed the closed bedroom behind which Isabella and her infant slept (if he knows they are sleeping there now); or, Jim eyed the closed door to the bedroom where Isabella and her infant usually slept (if he's not cognisant of where they are now).
Fi wiggled away from Soni's hold and cuddled in between the two large dogs. - If this is a simile for the relationship between their respective human owners then its an excellent and effective sentence. Nice writing.
Fi stood underneath Goliath while she barked. - Again, if this is a simile it's good writing.
In general, this is a nice easy read and a lot is happening to keep me interested. The one major reservation I have is that, out of context, a lot of names are introduced in a short space which makes following the character somewhat problematic. Of course, these character may already be well known to the reader and so that is not a problem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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"What do you have in mind?" Soni's eyebrows rose. - An open ended question is a great way to start a chapter or a self-contain section of prose. That simple question got me interested from the off. Good technique!
"Right now, just getting you home so you can rest." Jim stepped closer to Tatiana. - A good action tag. It conveys [Jim's] emotion as well as the action. It allows the reader to more effectively build their own mental image of the scene.
She sat and crossed her arms. - Again, an action tag that conveys so much more than just informing the reader who's speaking. Nice technique.
You can take the pint, no half-pint sized dog to the ranch by yourself." - I'd insert a comma after "dog"; it forms a parenthetical element of the sentence.
With eyes squeezed shut, Soni said... - This is an example of a multiple speech tag; it conveys action and the verb said. Personally, I try to avoid multiple speech tags.
"The throttle's the twistable grip on top. You'll need to open the throttle until you reach the..." - Since the following paragraph indicates that Jim has interrupted Soni's speech, the correct terminal punctuation is an em dash (--) not an ellipsis (...).
"The proper RPM's," - Where interrupted speech is continued the em dash should be used. Continuation of interrupted sentences should not be capitalized. So, this should be: "--the proper RPM's".
Soni knelt down, hugged, and petted each Great Pyrenees. - I know --ing verbs are usually frowned upon, but here they read more natural to me. I'd write: Soni knelt down, hugging and petting each Great Pyrenees. Or even the neater: Soni knelt down, hugging each Great Pyrenees in turn.
Jim eyed the closed bedroom door Isabella and her infant slept in. - This is confusing. Isabella doesn't sleep in the door, she sleeps in the bedroom. I'd reword it something like: Jim eyed the closed bedroom behind which Isabella and her infant slept (if he knows they are sleeping there now); or, Jim eyed the closed door to the bedroom where Isabella and her infant usually slept (if he's not cognisant of where they are now).
Fi wiggled away from Soni's hold and cuddled in between the two large dogs. - If this is a simile for the relationship between their respective human owners then its an excellent and effective sentence. Nice writing.
Fi stood underneath Goliath while she barked. - Again, if this is a simile it's good writing.
In general, this is a nice easy read and a lot is happening to keep me interested. The one major reservation I have is that, out of context, a lot of names are introduced in a short space which makes following the character somewhat problematic. Of course, these character may already be well known to the reader and so that is not a problem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Again, it's not my fault if you have not read the entire story. I have written about 70,000 words so, of course, all the characters have been described and everybody who has read the novel knows them. If I introduce the characters every time I post this novel would never end. Thank you for reading.
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Hi, Thank you for replying to my review. It's always to hear back from the author.
I did qualify my note about the characters with "of course, these character may already be well known to the reader and so that is not a problem". A point that you've verified. So, that's fine.
As I concluded in my review, your piece is a nice easy read and a lot is happening to keep me interested. Thank you for giving me the opportunity.
I hope to read more of your work in the future. Keep writing :-)
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
The surprises on this site never cease. I haven't looked much at book b/c I thought they were all long pieces (I was thinking David McCullough chapters! LOL) But now I'm learning that most of the book chapters are quite short and usually end on with a cliff-hanger of some kind. And then there's your name, which I only ever see in the most glowing terms! So I read this one, and now, yes, I'm hooked. You have a new roadie. laugh. See ya' down the cyber trail. Marcia GoodHearted Woman
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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The surprises on this site never cease. I haven't looked much at book b/c I thought they were all long pieces (I was thinking David McCullough chapters! LOL) But now I'm learning that most of the book chapters are quite short and usually end on with a cliff-hanger of some kind. And then there's your name, which I only ever see in the most glowing terms! So I read this one, and now, yes, I'm hooked. You have a new roadie. laugh. See ya' down the cyber trail. Marcia GoodHearted Woman
Comment Written 10-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Yes, I do post short, and it takes FOREVER to finish a novel because of it. Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Gianinas
Today's post describes an idyllic life, with several pets and the picture you have chosen, helps paint same picture. There is a hint in the first two lines, at another pace, maybe full of adventure, but for now, everything is nice and cuddly. Thank you,
Gianina
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Today's post describes an idyllic life, with several pets and the picture you have chosen, helps paint same picture. There is a hint in the first two lines, at another pace, maybe full of adventure, but for now, everything is nice and cuddly. Thank you,
Gianina
Comment Written 10-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Summer's over so soon? That's hard to believe. I think the teachers in my town are back as well. Time to visit with them about my children's book. Great chapter, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Summer's over so soon? That's hard to believe. I think the teachers in my town are back as well. Time to visit with them about my children's book. Great chapter, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 09-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the kind review. Oh so true ab out the children's book.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, so you left us on a cliff hanger. Clever thing to do, but I'm not too happy , I want to learn more sooner rather than later. hehe. I love this story and can't wait for what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Hi Barbara, so you left us on a cliff hanger. Clever thing to do, but I'm not too happy , I want to learn more sooner rather than later. hehe. I love this story and can't wait for what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
How fun that he has a license and they fly the copter!
As usual, this is well paced, driven by dialog with fine descriptive action tags to enhance characterization. Draws the reader into the scene.
Dog lovers will love this chapter. :)
*Her lips pouted,(NO COMMA) as she looked at Jim
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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How fun that he has a license and they fly the copter!
As usual, this is well paced, driven by dialog with fine descriptive action tags to enhance characterization. Draws the reader into the scene.
Dog lovers will love this chapter. :)
*Her lips pouted,(NO COMMA) as she looked at Jim
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 09-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the kind review. I have taken out the comma.
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:-))
Comment from Dawn Munro
Awwwwww! What an adorable chapter, all 'round. Soni's giving that sweet, patient man a hard time (AGAIN! LOL. Or should I say STILL?) But I am afraid the dogs stole the show. (*grin*) Okay, so NOW what's coming? What ARE they barking at? Killer cliff hanger!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Awwwwww! What an adorable chapter, all 'round. Soni's giving that sweet, patient man a hard time (AGAIN! LOL. Or should I say STILL?) But I am afraid the dogs stole the show. (*grin*) Okay, so NOW what's coming? What ARE they barking at? Killer cliff hanger!
Comment Written 09-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Loren (7)
Fast paced chapter shown by the actions of the characters and their use of vehicles to get where they needed to be. I enjoyed the way Jim introduced the new addition (Fi) to the family. It is important that the "masters" take the lead in showing welcome to new comers. Thanks for the heads up about school. Did I miss knowing your major? Good luck in your studies as well. Loren
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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Fast paced chapter shown by the actions of the characters and their use of vehicles to get where they needed to be. I enjoyed the way Jim introduced the new addition (Fi) to the family. It is important that the "masters" take the lead in showing welcome to new comers. Thanks for the heads up about school. Did I miss knowing your major? Good luck in your studies as well. Loren
Comment Written 09-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016
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I teach first graders. Thank you for the kind review.
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I once taught art in elementary school. Third graders were my favorite :) Loren
