Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello, Ric,

I enjoyed your story. I like how you blended the three parts of the story at the end. Nice twist at the end and William Castle in the beginning and the end.

Good job,

gypsy

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Gypsy Blue Rose, my dear, I'm just excited that you would even take the time to read my humble beginnings. Dean asked that I give it a try, so I did. At first writing 1,887 words to be less than halfway through the story. Then, I read the contest requirements and remembered it saying 700 words, not including the intro and end cap. So I chopped it to 700 words. Then someone reminded me that the limit was 1000, but it was way to late to patch it up with more pieces. LOL! I'm just happy to be rubbing elbows with all the talented writers in this contest, from inside, or the outside looking in. Thanks very much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Wishing you and your great story the best of luck! :-)

Comment from Fridayauthor

Excellent

This posting certainly holds the reader's attention from start to finish. While it is gruesome in the extreme, it fills the bill for the contest.

Interesting entry and well done.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, Fridayauthor, for taking time to read my story. Yes, this one is even outside my comfort zone, but I couldn't refuse when Dean asked me to submit something. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

This is a good story. I am not sure if you are on a word count, but if you are not, I personally would add a bit more detail.

'A knock at the door, three detectives nodded, (tipped and removed their hats.) Dorothy invited them in. (touched their hats with their fingertips and removed them from their heads.)

Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, dmt1967, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. This story was originally 1,887 words and I was only at about the halfway point, then I realized the contest I had been asked to be in had a limit for the story of 700 world, no including an introduction. I later learned the limit was changed to 1000 words, but unfortunately, with only minutes before closing, there was time to spice it up again. I appreciate you! :-)

Comment from Mary Wakeford

Excellent

Just wow. Speechless. Excellent scene setting and execution (get it) of your storyline with either Tom having a psychotic personality disorder, or multiple personality disorder, or someone with strange intent has targeted him. Perhaps his Mrs.? I think you will do well in the contest with this bloody entry.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, Mary Wakeford, for taking time to read my story. It's reviews like yours that keep writer plugging to get better. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

Comment from Neonewman

Excellent

Ric, I enjoy a good nail biter and this one surely trimmed my nails lol. So was the man framed I wonder? I am all about horrific scenes my friend and this one delivered.
God bless!
Steve

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, Steve, for one of those reviews that keeps us writers plugging. Without these kind words from writers like you, I would have given up writing a long time ago. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. God bless you! :-)

reply by Neonewman on 02-Aug-2016

My pleasure Ric! And no matter what my friend, Never stop writing. It's a great escape and certainly relieves stress.

Comment from AmeliaCanton

Good

There are a few things that need to be worked on, like why Tom throws down his phone after yelling at the caller and not bothering to get a reply. A few sentences need work just for clarity's sake, and Tom's reasoning for why he does what he does. I don't understand his motives.

I really enjoyed the story though, and feel like it works perfectly for the contest it is entered in. Good luck!

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2016

He slammed down the phone as most anyone would, because he figured it was another obnoxious prank caller. I don't know how I or anyone else could make any of these sentences any clearer. I'm sorry you are having trouble. If you enjoyed the story, why would you give it a four? I mean, there is no spag. It follows all the provisions of the contest. I apologize if I sound a little testy, but every time someone gives a four because of their own personal preference of likes and dislikes you eliminate a six-star review. Please learn how the system should work. If the writing is sloppy or full of spag, then I would understand. But it isn't, and it isn't. Have a nice day

Comment from papa55mike

Excellent

Just amazing! I love the way you told the story in three parts. Blending them all in at the end. Your style reminds me of one of my favorites, Jack Ketchum. I love the twist at the end along with the "William Castle" beginning and end. I wish I had a six for you. Good luck in the contest. Have a great day and God bless.
mike

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, Mike, for taking time to read my story. Stephen King called Jack Ketchum the scariest man in the world, and I agree wholeheartedly. Even the slighted comparison to such a talent is the greatest compliment I could ever hope to receive. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

Comment from frogbook

Excellent

Quite scary in more ways than one-not only the horrific murders but the contemplation of whether the man was framed....or worse. Best of luck with this great entry. Won't be answering my phone today.

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, Frogbook, for taking time to read my story. Just playing in the same arena with you and the other wonderful group of marvelously gifted writers assembled for Dean's contest is an honor, and truly a humbling experience. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Wow, Ric, this is a great story, and you have me right on the edge. Did he do it or didn't he. Is he working from a different dimension, and is not aware of the other dimension where he actually commits the deeds? Very strong contender. I loved it and wished I still had a six. Good luck. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, Ulla, for taking time to read my story. I'm afraid I'm in a little over my head with the likes of all the outstanding writer's in Dean's challenge, but I'm just glad to be rubbing elbows with Fan Story's horror aficionados. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

reply by Ulla on 01-Aug-2016

I think you are right up there my friend. It's a very good story you've penned. :))

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2016

You're so nice! And I thank you again for your kindness. :-)

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

You have a very strong and scary contest entry. I was on the edge of my seat and I have goose bumps. That's good writing. Good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2016

Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I'm afraid I'm in a little over my head in this contest, with the likes of so many of Fan Story's best horror writers. But I do so love your encouraging words. :-)