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Tin Cup

Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"
An American Civil War vet heads west.

9 total reviews 
Comment from LaRosa
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really enjoyed descriptive elements like: "...the sun...went out like a candle".
Also agree that animals can be more trustworthy than some people...
I got the huckleberry alusion but tell the truth it felt forced here.
Short chapter but I'm still following. Will watch to find out what the green flash at sunset was.

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2016

reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
    People apparently have been seeing a green flash just as the sun goes down for some time, particularly out west where it is so flat and clear. A photographer was finally able to take a picture of it. I heard the explanation for why this happens but I don't remember what it was. It doesn't have anything to do with the progression of the story. I just thought it was cool.
reply by LaRosa on 20-Oct-2016
    Yep, so cool. Sure got my attention.
    I live in the SW and had never heard of the green flash at sunset. That's fascinating. Hope you remember the explanation.
Comment from Walu Feral
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G'day folks. Sorry I'm so far behind in reviewing and replying. Life keeps getting in the way of my fun time.

They band together for safety for a while but the others steal his supplies and leave his(him) as a bad storm moves in."

" It's funny how animals can be more trustworthy than some people." (They sure can.)

" I could see them plain as day, dancing like loons around the campfire." (lol. That's funny image.)

Very nice story with a good suspense ending. The imagery you manage to paint is very vivid.

Great stuff.

Cheers Fez

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2016

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
    Thank you for your review and your comments.
    DeLaHay
Comment from Bill O'Bier
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This is an interesting story. Excellent use of words to create a story that drew me in, You did an great job with this piece.

Warm regards,
Bill

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
    Thank you for reading and for your kind review. I appreciate the feedback.
Comment from barkingdog
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I'm glad he found the culprits. Now, what? Darn it. What a place to leave us. haha

Suggestions:
- there in daylight so I guess I had some time
-with some food available he'd stay there.
- Well(,) I guess
-It was already getting cold(,) so I
-sound scary(,) but
-up ahead(,) so I
-the bragging and B.S.(,) I doubt if they
- What you think(,) Cherokee?"
-"It smells like a one-legged, Yankee, war hero."
- shatter gun(,) or you wouldn't be visiting."



 Comment Written 30-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
    Thank you for reading and for your feedback.
Comment from Jay Squires
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A punchy little chapter, Ward. Sometimes those chapters are all you need to set up a showdown. That looks about like what we're gonna have.

Only found one problem and that was in the synopsis:

steal his supplies and leave his [ ... and leave HIM ? ...]

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
    Thank you for pointing that out. It was definitely suppose to be him. I had a suggestion for adding eight commas but I don't think they are needed. I think you would have pointed out if I needed them. I'm never sure how to answer people when they suggest things I don't think are needed.
Comment from LisaD123
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This is an entertaining chapter which hooks the reader into the story. Characterisation and setting are clearly created and the dialogue is very authentic. Suspense is built up and the reader is desperate to know what happens next. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
    Thank you for reading and for giving me your feedback. It is good to know someone enjoyed my effort.
Comment from liz burgoyne
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I enjoyed reading your chapter. Although I have not seen the parts before, I was quickly drawn in. I think you painted lovely pictures about the smoke, the sunset, and the men around the fire.
I would revise one sentence that could be a typo: I looked to the west, as the sunset, still sitting on the horizon, went out like a candle followed...

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
    I think I may have fixed what you were talking about. Thank you for your feedback.
Comment from giraffmang
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Hi there,

I am assuming the opening paragraph is backstory? If so, it need to be marked as such to differentiate it from the main body of text.

I was watching to the west as the sunset - sun set in this instance.

A good continuation of the story.

GMG

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
    Yes, the opening was meant to be backstory for anyone who had not read the previous chapters. I have made not of it. I also fixed the sun set. Thank you for the feedback.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
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Good scene. He has the advantage, but a shotgun is not good except in closer range. He would have done better to get closer and not announce himself. I'm eager to see what happens now.

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
    It guess it really depends on whether he wants to just kill them or talk to them. Thank you for reading and for the feedback.