Left With Only a Rose
Betrayed21 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
I've read this a couple of times now and I trip on the second line in the first stanza. I may just be me but I think that fall could be better served as fill and in with. But more easily a comma after fall would separate what I see as two separate elements within the same line.
This may well just be me but I'm not a poet, it just feels slightly off to me as it is.
That being said, I really liked the piece. There is great emotion bleeding through and although the tone starts doleful it is a hopeful piece.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
  |
hi there,
I've read this a couple of times now and I trip on the second line in the first stanza. I may just be me but I think that fall could be better served as fill and in with. But more easily a comma after fall would separate what I see as two separate elements within the same line.
This may well just be me but I'm not a poet, it just feels slightly off to me as it is.
That being said, I really liked the piece. There is great emotion bleeding through and although the tone starts doleful it is a hopeful piece.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
Thanks so much for your very kind and honest review. I left my comfort zone and tried penning something new using the artwork to choose my words. Thanks for taking the time to review and your honesty is greatly appreciated. Blessings...........
