Tribulation
Contest entry - 308 words.8 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This assassination story has a unique storyline that skirts some of what we are seeing played out today with ISIS. Compelling read.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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This assassination story has a unique storyline that skirts some of what we are seeing played out today with ISIS. Compelling read.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the lovely feedback. I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Well, well, here we go again - I've stumbled upon a wonderful piece, and I have no sixes. However, let me say I found nothing in this sort fiction that wasn't rich and riveting. The only thing I might suggest might not even be correct, but shouldn't "a" or "the" precede "pandemic"?
All the very best wishes for you in this contest - pure literature, this one. :)
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Well, well, here we go again - I've stumbled upon a wonderful piece, and I have no sixes. However, let me say I found nothing in this sort fiction that wasn't rich and riveting. The only thing I might suggest might not even be correct, but shouldn't "a" or "the" precede "pandemic"?
All the very best wishes for you in this contest - pure literature, this one. :)
Comment Written 30-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the very kind encouragement and support as it is greatly appreciated.
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It was my pleasure.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You did a good job conveying the doubts and tensions of the protagonist in this well written piece. Be careful of overuse of pronouns (I). I know it's difficult in a first person narrative but there are ways around it. you can utilise fragmentations, especially for thoughts.
Good luck
GMG
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Hi there,
You did a good job conveying the doubts and tensions of the protagonist in this well written piece. Be careful of overuse of pronouns (I). I know it's difficult in a first person narrative but there are ways around it. you can utilise fragmentations, especially for thoughts.
Good luck
GMG
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Thank you very much. Your encouragement is truly appreciated.
Comment from Ricky1024
I throughly enjoyed this piece about "The awsecond Coming "
"Is then, really a Satan constantly patient...
!And, always waiting?
Or perhaps we make our very own Satan?"
RICY1024
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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I throughly enjoyed this piece about "The awsecond Coming "
"Is then, really a Satan constantly patient...
!And, always waiting?
Or perhaps we make our very own Satan?"
RICY1024
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Thank you very much for the kind and generous feedback. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Mystic Angel 7777: You throw in a lot of suspence and Revelations in a reality prose. Yes, the evil one is real and he has many friends. I like your prayers and you face your fears... great piece! So glad you are feeling well! God bless! flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Mystic Angel 7777: You throw in a lot of suspence and Revelations in a reality prose. Yes, the evil one is real and he has many friends. I like your prayers and you face your fears... great piece! So glad you are feeling well! God bless! flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Thank you very much for the kind and generous feedback. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from janalma
Nice little story. This could be closer to actually happening than we expect. I hear the preacher who offered the prayer today at the convention was heckled while praying. Scary. That's probably never happened before in the U.S. Anyway, you did good here and seem to have followed the rules properly.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Nice little story. This could be closer to actually happening than we expect. I hear the preacher who offered the prayer today at the convention was heckled while praying. Scary. That's probably never happened before in the U.S. Anyway, you did good here and seem to have followed the rules properly.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Thank you very much for the kind and generous feedback. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from rmj09
This meets the requirements of the contest Assassinate Me.
The focus satans minions out to kill all who believe in a living God.
The story line development: Knowing your going to pick up a weapon to go after satan's minions. There numbers grow with each day. Either we destroy them or they'll kill us. He is coming after me Dear God is he one of them and will I be a hero or an assassin. The minion says "I killed your parents because they were simply to old and I'll kill you too. I find the strength to pull the trigger.
The emotion felt anger that satan thinks he will win. Happy that he is targeting the ones who believe in the living God. Prude to give my life for Him as Jesus give is for us.
Keep on writing.
Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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This meets the requirements of the contest Assassinate Me.
The focus satans minions out to kill all who believe in a living God.
The story line development: Knowing your going to pick up a weapon to go after satan's minions. There numbers grow with each day. Either we destroy them or they'll kill us. He is coming after me Dear God is he one of them and will I be a hero or an assassin. The minion says "I killed your parents because they were simply to old and I'll kill you too. I find the strength to pull the trigger.
The emotion felt anger that satan thinks he will win. Happy that he is targeting the ones who believe in the living God. Prude to give my life for Him as Jesus give is for us.
Keep on writing.
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Thank you very much for the kind and generous feedback. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, It is well written. I would only caution that details can sometime overwhelm the plot and meat of a story. By the end the reader does get what is happening and why.
note:
Each step brings him closer. He is the one who unleashed [a] pandemic.
- add
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Hmm, It is well written. I would only caution that details can sometime overwhelm the plot and meat of a story. By the end the reader does get what is happening and why.
note:
Each step brings him closer. He is the one who unleashed [a] pandemic.
- add
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for such lovely words of encouragement. I appreciate it more than you can ever know.
