The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Redemption: Tabby's Tale Part 3"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
27 total reviews
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Rhonda
= Well, what a whopping good time in this chapter!
= Quite a turn with Akie. You just keep us guessing.
= Fantastic job.
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
Cheers & Blessings ~ Jacqueline ~ Jackie ~ Jax
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Hi, Rhonda
= Well, what a whopping good time in this chapter!
= Quite a turn with Akie. You just keep us guessing.
= Fantastic job.
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
Cheers & Blessings ~ Jacqueline ~ Jackie ~ Jax
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Jax! Akie had a bit of a change of heart when he felt love again. It usually changes us in one way or another!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Walu Feral
Well, G'day, Cowgirl. I have been holding out waiting for this. So let's go for a ride on the Daredevil girls train and see where it takes us.
"I didn't like the idea of hiding, but knew dying wasn't going to solve anything, either." (lol. Yes, it would put a damper on things.)
"You run pretty good for a girl with no soul," Mike said." (Hahaha! I said that to that 8yo that I had a fist fight with the other day! I'll beat her in the rematch!)
"A scathing remark on my part muted as we came upon Akie leaning against the wall with an arrow sticking out of his shoulder." (Wow! Brilliant turn of events. Well placed.)
"He grabbed her arm and jerked her toward him, pressing the weapon against her temple." (Damn!)
"Mike looked around at us, his face and neck pocked with pellet wounds." (Hahaha! Love it.)
"It's just a flesh wound from a toy arrow," Mike said." (They hurt, to or no toy. I should know! I have more kids than old mother hubbard!)
"That's better," Mike said. "Now get the rope from those boys." (This can't be good.)
"It seems she was deceiving us, but as she's been through the first part of the rites, we can still use her." (Crikey. Poor kid.)
" Moving quicker than Bast, he lunged at Mike Holly and knocked the gun out of his hand." (I sense a bit of love is in the air.)
"You really are crazy, aren't you?"
"I prefer focused."(Hahaha!)
"Yeah. Remember, I'm the one you carried up the stairs and dropped on the floor like a piece of used up trash." (Yeah! Ancient jerk!)
"The rest of you help me tie up this dog." (Talk about a complete turn around, well played,sis.)
"I loved her with all my heart, but she died in 1351 BC." (Ah, yes, I remember it well. I was standing at the "Sportsman's Bar" at the chariot races. It was the second heat of the Olympics, The competitor from Athens was in front of us by a short half head and the announcement came over the PA system. A sad day indeed. She had 50 danarius on our bloke, at 2-1 and I'd bet on the Greek. I was shattered.)
"He bent his knees and dropped through Akie's arms to the floor." (He did say he was focused.)
"but before he could squeeze the trigger, Nancy swung her baseball bat." (Ouch! POP!)
"so did Atenabend and I, which I seemed to have forgotten as I listened to your lies and deceptions." (Ah, I wondered about that.)
"He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. A 3,000 year old chill went down my spine." (Hahahaha!)
Brilliant work, sister. Not one spag that I could spot. What a fantastic chapter, packed with action and wonderful dialogue as always. I am enjoying this book.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Well, G'day, Cowgirl. I have been holding out waiting for this. So let's go for a ride on the Daredevil girls train and see where it takes us.
"I didn't like the idea of hiding, but knew dying wasn't going to solve anything, either." (lol. Yes, it would put a damper on things.)
"You run pretty good for a girl with no soul," Mike said." (Hahaha! I said that to that 8yo that I had a fist fight with the other day! I'll beat her in the rematch!)
"A scathing remark on my part muted as we came upon Akie leaning against the wall with an arrow sticking out of his shoulder." (Wow! Brilliant turn of events. Well placed.)
"He grabbed her arm and jerked her toward him, pressing the weapon against her temple." (Damn!)
"Mike looked around at us, his face and neck pocked with pellet wounds." (Hahaha! Love it.)
"It's just a flesh wound from a toy arrow," Mike said." (They hurt, to or no toy. I should know! I have more kids than old mother hubbard!)
"That's better," Mike said. "Now get the rope from those boys." (This can't be good.)
"It seems she was deceiving us, but as she's been through the first part of the rites, we can still use her." (Crikey. Poor kid.)
" Moving quicker than Bast, he lunged at Mike Holly and knocked the gun out of his hand." (I sense a bit of love is in the air.)
"You really are crazy, aren't you?"
"I prefer focused."(Hahaha!)
"Yeah. Remember, I'm the one you carried up the stairs and dropped on the floor like a piece of used up trash." (Yeah! Ancient jerk!)
"The rest of you help me tie up this dog." (Talk about a complete turn around, well played,sis.)
"I loved her with all my heart, but she died in 1351 BC." (Ah, yes, I remember it well. I was standing at the "Sportsman's Bar" at the chariot races. It was the second heat of the Olympics, The competitor from Athens was in front of us by a short half head and the announcement came over the PA system. A sad day indeed. She had 50 danarius on our bloke, at 2-1 and I'd bet on the Greek. I was shattered.)
"He bent his knees and dropped through Akie's arms to the floor." (He did say he was focused.)
"but before he could squeeze the trigger, Nancy swung her baseball bat." (Ouch! POP!)
"so did Atenabend and I, which I seemed to have forgotten as I listened to your lies and deceptions." (Ah, I wondered about that.)
"He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. A 3,000 year old chill went down my spine." (Hahahaha!)
Brilliant work, sister. Not one spag that I could spot. What a fantastic chapter, packed with action and wonderful dialogue as always. I am enjoying this book.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much, Padna! I love your blow-by-blow description of the action!
And the scene at the bar was fantastic. As usual, I would love to keep your comments in the story as side commentary. They are priceless! Your sense of humor is incredible!
Glad there was no spag, though I'm sure someone will find something somewhere---they always do. However, you are one with a very careful eye, and you didn't find any, so I'm crossing my fingers!
Tell Baby and little Baby Kwala howdy from me,
Rhonda
Comment from mfowler
This story appears to be ending, but I'm not quite sure, just yet. This is a wildly active and exciting chapter. The kids show just what they're made of. Mike Holly is defeated when Akie has a sudden shift in attitude. The kids keep their courageous teamwork going, the very quality that defines their moniker. Excitingly written, always involving.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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This story appears to be ending, but I'm not quite sure, just yet. This is a wildly active and exciting chapter. The kids show just what they're made of. Mike Holly is defeated when Akie has a sudden shift in attitude. The kids keep their courageous teamwork going, the very quality that defines their moniker. Excitingly written, always involving.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for reading.
This segment is about to end, but, remember, there is still an "outside" story, and things are about to heat up there quickly as action returns to haunt the DDGs.
Yeah, poor Akie, he's a sucker for love.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from MelB
Hi Rhonda, this is an action-packed chapter with a real battle going on. It's amazing how Akie just changed all of a sudden. A little twist with Mike being in control ultimately. Look forward to reading the next one.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Hi Rhonda, this is an action-packed chapter with a real battle going on. It's amazing how Akie just changed all of a sudden. A little twist with Mike being in control ultimately. Look forward to reading the next one.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for the review and comments.
Seems Akie was good, deep inside, but let Mike puff up his ego, and you know how men can be... Still, in the end, his true nature came through. We're not through with this guy, yet, even though his part's about to be over for this section of the book.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from royowen
A really nice conclusion to the nasty Mike and all his shenanigans about trying to return Akie and his kin to the ancient religion. When all the time it was about the Old Herew God Jehovah, who Akie said was Aten anyway, well done. Rhonda this was another fabulous tale, of the daredevil girls, well done, blessings, Roy
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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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A really nice conclusion to the nasty Mike and all his shenanigans about trying to return Akie and his kin to the ancient religion. When all the time it was about the Old Herew God Jehovah, who Akie said was Aten anyway, well done. Rhonda this was another fabulous tale, of the daredevil girls, well done, blessings, Roy
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Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Roy! I was hoping you'd pick up on the Aten/Jehovah relationship. I added a note to the chapter about the research I did on this part. Moses lived during the same time period, and was supposed to have influenced the belief of the young pharaoh, Akhentaten. I fabricated the son, as he apparently had no heir, and eventually king Tut took over the throne. Those that went after him returned the national religion to polytheism.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
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Well done Rhonda, clever writing
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Thank you.
Comment from Jay Squires
Tight, well-written, Rhonda. I love your narrative flow.
I seemed to have missed a chapter somewhere, though. The protagonist was at a vent and let the cat run down it. Now they are out and I'm confused with all the characters--who is good and who not-so-good. Wasn't Akie one of the bad guys back at the vent incident? At any rate, sorry I got behind. I'll try to do a better job of it next time.
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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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Tight, well-written, Rhonda. I love your narrative flow.
I seemed to have missed a chapter somewhere, though. The protagonist was at a vent and let the cat run down it. Now they are out and I'm confused with all the characters--who is good and who not-so-good. Wasn't Akie one of the bad guys back at the vent incident? At any rate, sorry I got behind. I'll try to do a better job of it next time.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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That's okay, Jay. I get behind all the time. You probably missed about two or three chapters. Akie was a bad guy, but sort of fell in love with Tabby, who was getting sacrificed for his sister. Sage came through just before they killed her and pretended to be the goddess, Bast. She knocked over a sacrificial bowl and acting like she was sucking Tabby's soul out.
Then they heard a noise. When Akie went to check on it, the action in this last chapter occurs.
Thanks for reading, and I hope I sort of caught you up!
Rhonda
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That was so kind of you, Rhonda. Thank you.
Comment from create4christ
I really liked this story. It held me captive from the first word all the way to the last word. I love how his God ended up to be Jehovah! You picked a precious picture, too. Well done..
Thank you for sharing...Penny
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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I really liked this story. It held me captive from the first word all the way to the last word. I love how his God ended up to be Jehovah! You picked a precious picture, too. Well done..
Thank you for sharing...Penny
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Penny! There's a lot of debate on Akhenaten's religious views. He really didn't have a son, that I made up, but he believed in one God, Aten, and is said to have been affiliated with Moses. He tried to have the old god's temples destroyed, but was murdered in office. His wife, Nefertiti tried to carry on, but was killed as well. The people who took over after that returned the country to polytheism.
Thanks for your review and interest.
Take care,
Rhonda
