The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Redemption: Tabby's Tale Part 3"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
27 total reviews
Comment from jlsavell
Rhonda, I love this story. Victory over evil as one recounts the past. Anancient wise one who understands doing the right thing even at a personal cost. Makes him truly human! A wondercul story.. jimi
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Rhonda, I love this story. Victory over evil as one recounts the past. Anancient wise one who understands doing the right thing even at a personal cost. Makes him truly human! A wondercul story.. jimi
Comment Written 31-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Thanks so much, I truly tried to make Akie seem human in spite of the way he got here!
I appreciate all you do in reviewing,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-This is an excellent chapter without a doubt!
-Suspense built as I wondered about Elizabeth, and even Akie.
-MH obviously has no concern for anyone except himself, not even Akie.
-Then, Akie goes into action to save Elizabeth from MH's grasp and the gun, and wants to make things "right."
-He realizes exactly what MH is, and wants to atone for his own actions, in a sense.
-He helps get the Daredevils into action, and has them call the police, taking Jason and Kith with them.
-Nancy helps out with the name of the special police officer, Emory Settler.
-MH isn't done yet, but Nancy has the baseball bat, and Akie gets him tied up.
-We learn a little bit of history about Aten, and Akie realizes his pride has been his downfall, and wants to atone for that.
-The ending is very good, as Tabby tells Akie she is proud of him and
"A 3,000 year old chill went down my spine.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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-This is an excellent chapter without a doubt!
-Suspense built as I wondered about Elizabeth, and even Akie.
-MH obviously has no concern for anyone except himself, not even Akie.
-Then, Akie goes into action to save Elizabeth from MH's grasp and the gun, and wants to make things "right."
-He realizes exactly what MH is, and wants to atone for his own actions, in a sense.
-He helps get the Daredevils into action, and has them call the police, taking Jason and Kith with them.
-Nancy helps out with the name of the special police officer, Emory Settler.
-MH isn't done yet, but Nancy has the baseball bat, and Akie gets him tied up.
-We learn a little bit of history about Aten, and Akie realizes his pride has been his downfall, and wants to atone for that.
-The ending is very good, as Tabby tells Akie she is proud of him and
"A 3,000 year old chill went down my spine.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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Thank you much for the beautiful shining stars!
I'm glad the story worked well, and that the results sounded believable.
Yes, Akie has found the price to be paid for the sin of pride, but at least he's trying, right? MH is a bust, though...
The next chapter will be a summarization of what happened next, but then the bigger story begins
Again, you're a wonderful support and help,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome for the stars and comments. I always appreciate your replies.
Akie is trying, but a bigger story?! That should be interesting.
Comment from rspoet
This was a fine and swift end to the dilemma
as Akie sees the light
and recognizes the deception of Mike Holly.
But still, it seems Akie is a reanimated mummy,
so Mike Holly appears to have significant ability
even if he is crazy.
He can bring mummies back to life!
Young readers will love this line:
"And you run pretty good for an old fat guy."
Somehow, the daredevil girls and Bruce manage to survive another episode,
and that's why they are daredevil girls (and guy).
Next, we will find out what happens to Akie The Mummy.
Well done
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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This was a fine and swift end to the dilemma
as Akie sees the light
and recognizes the deception of Mike Holly.
But still, it seems Akie is a reanimated mummy,
so Mike Holly appears to have significant ability
even if he is crazy.
He can bring mummies back to life!
Young readers will love this line:
"And you run pretty good for an old fat guy."
Somehow, the daredevil girls and Bruce manage to survive another episode,
and that's why they are daredevil girls (and guy).
Next, we will find out what happens to Akie The Mummy.
Well done
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the wonderful six star review. They mean a lot as one struggles to communicate a story!!
You do have a point about Mike having considerable power. That's one of the subtle messages in this story. Again, aimed at young adults, they need to realize that just because someone seems so powerful and important, doesn't mean they have their best interests at heart.
Next part does tell us what happens to Akie, but it also sets up the next big adventure!
Again, thanks for sharing your careful eyes, and stars,
Rhonda
Comment from F. Wehr3
Good work on Tabby's story. I enjoyed it. I wonder what you're giong to come up with next. Very creative, Rhonda. I found a couple of minor things for your consideration.
What's right is reanimating your family and slaves so you can establish your reign in Texas. -- suggest comma before your conjunction.
"What do you think your god, Aten, would think of you now?"-- this sentence made me pause. Maybe it is the repetitive use of think. Perhaps "What would your God, Aten, think of you now?" I believe God should be capitalized as well, even though there are from a multi-theistic society.
Overall, very good work!
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Good work on Tabby's story. I enjoyed it. I wonder what you're giong to come up with next. Very creative, Rhonda. I found a couple of minor things for your consideration.
What's right is reanimating your family and slaves so you can establish your reign in Texas. -- suggest comma before your conjunction.
"What do you think your god, Aten, would think of you now?"-- this sentence made me pause. Maybe it is the repetitive use of think. Perhaps "What would your God, Aten, think of you now?" I believe God should be capitalized as well, even though there are from a multi-theistic society.
Overall, very good work!
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Russell. You are completely right about the repetitive "think". Can't believe I missed it! I had thought about capitolozing God, but Mike didn't know Aten was the one God, so I left it as lower case. I'll look it up,
Thanks, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from boxergirl
Hi Rhonda,
I like it when good wins over evil. I am glad Akie realized his mistake in following Mike...Great action imagery in this scene. Looking forward to their next adventure. :-)
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Hi Rhonda,
I like it when good wins over evil. I am glad Akie realized his mistake in following Mike...Great action imagery in this scene. Looking forward to their next adventure. :-)
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thanks so much! I appreciate the comments and the attention to the book. I'm working on the next chapter, though it will sort of be a wrap up of one chapter and lead in to the next.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, I love this. So things got sorted out now that they have Akie on their side. And not to forget Nancy, of course. Well written and I loved 'A 3,000 year old chill went down my spine.' Looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Hi Rhonda, I love this. So things got sorted out now that they have Akie on their side. And not to forget Nancy, of course. Well written and I loved 'A 3,000 year old chill went down my spine.' Looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much, Ulla! As always, I appreciate your reviews and support.
Yes, things got sorted out, now onto the "bigger" story!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE
What a clever, rather surprising and sudden and great conclusion! It rounds off my enjoyment of the whole beautifully. I particularly loved the lines:
I could smell her fear and hear the beating of her heart.
A 3,000 year old chill went down my spine.
"I'm glad you're alive," he said. "Now help me fix this mess I've made."
Well done, Rhonda, a great, exciting story! And, I really valued sharing the process and sort of growing a little with it, and your journey. Thanks, Maureen*&*
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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What a clever, rather surprising and sudden and great conclusion! It rounds off my enjoyment of the whole beautifully. I particularly loved the lines:
I could smell her fear and hear the beating of her heart.
A 3,000 year old chill went down my spine.
"I'm glad you're alive," he said. "Now help me fix this mess I've made."
Well done, Rhonda, a great, exciting story! And, I really valued sharing the process and sort of growing a little with it, and your journey. Thanks, Maureen*&*
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Maureen.
I enjoy your helping me sort things out as well.
I always look forward to your reviews.
Take care,
Rhonda
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Yes! I feel that is so true too, and such a joyful gift of this site and our time. I shall look forward to seeing where you go next, even though I may not travel the journey. Happy creations, Maureen*&*
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Nine paragraphs from end: 'we heard the sound of crushing [of] bones' (delete 'of'.)
Well, this was a surprising turn of events. I'm so pleased Akie turned around and saw the light. It is a great ending for all the children. There must only be about one chapter left, Giddy
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Nine paragraphs from end: 'we heard the sound of crushing [of] bones' (delete 'of'.)
Well, this was a surprising turn of events. I'm so pleased Akie turned around and saw the light. It is a great ending for all the children. There must only be about one chapter left, Giddy
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Giddy, for the excellent review!
I fixed the "of" issue. It was a bit awkward, wasn't it?
There are actually quite a few chapters left, although this is the last of the "Little Egypt" sequence. There is still the "outer" story with Nancy and the others in "real" time. There, things are about to heat up.
Thanks for reading,
Rhonda
Comment from seaglass
This has taken a turn for the better. Is this the end of the story or will there be more about the aftermath of the arrest. And will this ancient man be able to continue to live? I wonder how he turned his thinking so quickly. Lots of action in this post.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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This has taken a turn for the better. Is this the end of the story or will there be more about the aftermath of the arrest. And will this ancient man be able to continue to live? I wonder how he turned his thinking so quickly. Lots of action in this post.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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There is a sort of summation of the aftermath, and then the story will shift back to Nancy, who will announce it's end.
The principal will retake the microphone to announce the promised "media event" to occur when the stories have completed. They will get some very unexpected company, and then the real action begins!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello,
I like your story very much; great character development and plot......
Tabby told how her cat Sage, cleverly disguised as the Egyptian cat goddess Bast, arrived in time to foil the plans of Akie and Mike Holly. Pretending to suck Tabby's soul out of her body, Sage leaves the room with Tabby out of immediate danger.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Hello,
I like your story very much; great character development and plot......
Tabby told how her cat Sage, cleverly disguised as the Egyptian cat goddess Bast, arrived in time to foil the plans of Akie and Mike Holly. Pretending to suck Tabby's soul out of her body, Sage leaves the room with Tabby out of immediate danger.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the wonderful review, Gypsy, unfortunately for Tabby, things get hairy once they leave the room.
As always, I appreciate you dropping in for a review.
Have a great weekend,
Rhonda
